i am so glad he's with you.
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i am so glad he's with you.
Thank you all for your support and prayers throughout all of these. These past 3 weeks I basically lived on this site.
I'm so glad to hear (and see) that he's back with you.
I woke up at four this morning to him having another nightmare. I rocked him back to sleep and just held him for a little while. He was comforted somewhat easier this time.
I think by the time we get him sure of himself again and over these nightmares it'll be Monday and he'll go back with her and we'll have to start all over again the next week. She's done something to him because in the whole time he was with us he only had a nightmare about twice and those were both on the nights were he had seen her. Coincedence? I don't think so. I don't know exactly what she is doing but she needs to stop. She is hurting him. Maybe it's emotional, or physical, or both. I know we're having some good affect on him because Charles and Stephanie both told us he woke up more than four times at night and so far both nights he was here he has only woken up once each night. And he's smiling a lot more.
I posted more pics. He was really interested in the keyboard but I wouldn't let him have it so he wasn't too happy.
I'll probably post at least one pic for every day he is here.
Oh, Summer - that is so maddening...he has nightmares after he has seen his mom - even his dad talks about the number of times he wakes up at their home - I mean, it is GREAT that he will spend a lot of time with you, but like you say, it takes almost all that time to get him almost back to where he was...
I hope your dad tells Charles how many times Nathan wakes up while he is with you...even Charles will have to think.
OMG...why can DHS not investigate this woman?
Anyway - I hope his doctor appointment went well.
Prayers coming to you all.
My mothers nurse came out and looked at him today (actually she just left) She said they were some kind of bites but she didn't know what...possibly those red ants. Charles and Stephanie sit him out in the grass a lot without bug protection so it's no wonder he has bites all over him. The last time Nathan has seen this nurse was the day before they took him. When he first saw her then he smiled at her. Today he's reluctant to smile at anyone. I guess he lost that trust in humankind. He used to be the type of baby who smiled at absolutely everyone. Now he just stares at them and if they talk to him he buries his head in my (or mom or dad's) shoulder.
Stephanie is bugging dad about handing over Nathan's social security card and birth certificate (for some reason they think this is going to get them a bigger apartment) When Nathan was born she marked on his birth certificate that she didn't want the hospital to get Nathan a social security number. And you know who ended up getting it? Dad. I can't tell you how many times I seen dad on the phone with those people, filling out stuff and sending stuff in to get Nathan a social security number. Because Charles and Stephanie wouldn't do it. Now she wants him to just hand it over to her and dad won't do it. I don't blame him. If they want it so bad they can go through all the stuff dad had to go through to get it.
DHS will not help us. We've told them, other people have told them. They won't listen. They said they went out there and everything was fine. But that was just Stephanie playing her "I'm a perfect Mommy" card. She does it well, I've seen her do it. And as soon as they were gone she sat Nathan in a chair and walked off and left him.
When Nathan was 2 or 3 months my parents decided to leave everything alone for a day and see how good a mother Stephanie was. She left him sitting in a chair all day and the only attention he got from her was when she shoved a bottle in his mouth.
She had the nerve to call dad yesterday and ask all this stuff about Nathan and say she was just a worried mother! Where was she when he had an ear infection and was cranky all night? Where was she when he had the sniffles? Where was she when he cut his first tooth? When his tummy was upset? When he learned to crawl? When he first ate solids? His first in-the-tub bath? When he started cruising? She wasn't here. We never kept her away from him yet she never called, never asked about this stuff, and only visited on holidays. And then she never acted like she wanted to take care of him! She would complain about it! And now she has the nerve to pretend she was the perfect mother all along and just wanted her baby back because she missed him?! :mad:
Mom has 2 years to press charges on Stephanie with Adult Protective Services. By then Nathan will be 3 and maybe, just maybe DHS will listen to a child when he confirms all that we have said. (When he's older I'm going to teach him to dial 911 if it's an emergency, I think living with her he needs to know how.)
I really got lost in this rant.
I still like the idea of a small tape recorder - or digital recorder - the next time your parents go there.
I wonder if the nurse noticed the change in him?
Prayers coming all the time.
The nurse did notice a difference in him. And she also told us another bit of info. She told us that she used to work with abused children. We have noticed Nathan slapping himself in the face. When she seen it she said she used to see that with abused children whose parents hit them.
Charles is changing his story so much. At first he told us that Stephanie didn't act like she wanted to take care of Nathan and when he cried she would either ignore him or scream at him to shut up (I believe this story)
And he also said he was going to tell Child Welfare about it.
NOW he's saying that she doesn't do any of this stuff and that she's a great mom. (I don't believe this story)
Nathan's sleeping peacefully now and I'm hoping my little angel has a night with no problems, no bad dreams.
More pics! I got a couple of him smiling this time. He's sitting in his exersaucer behind me eating some Graduates Lil' Crunchies and drinking his juice. I'm about to go clip his nails. That should be fun since he's so wiggly.
Last night he woke up at 10:00 and wouldn't go back to sleep so at 1:00 in the morning we had to drive him around. It might have been because it was so hot in our house last night.
I hope the nurse can report this to DHS or SOMEONE! Maybe she has some advice that will help your parents.
Maybe, with a but of information here, a bit there, your mom will be able to lay charges sooner rather than later.
CPS is a bunch of BIG FAT IDIOTS if they'll harass my teenage siblings at length about something that happened a decade ago and yet won't help you and Nathan. :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:
*sigh* We got him to bed by 8 tonight and he's already woke up twice. The number of times he wakes up is getting worse but it's getting easier to get him back to sleep. I just don't get it. Monday we are going to ask her directly what she has done to him and if she won't admit it I'm going to make it known that I know she has done something and I intend to find out. It's cruel to a baby to take him out of the only home he has ever known and force him to live with complete strangers.
Mom told her he was allergic to Huggies diapers and you know what she said? "You don't have to worry about that, I'm not going to waste my money on that" I understand a mother saying she can't afford a more expensive brand but saying she's not going to waste her money on something that will go to her child?! That just tells us even more that she doesn't love him. Well, I take that back, she loves him like somebody loves a possesion, like their car. She's a control freak, she wants control over everything and everybody. When she lived here she tried to take control over everything in the house and when we wouldn't let that happen she got mad. When she went grocery shopping with mom she would tell her what she should buy and she would rearrange the whole house to suit her without asking anyone. I guess she thinks Nathan is someone she can have control over. But Nathan has a mind of his own and he's not going to be her little puppet. She also thinks she is going to get money off of him because we did. We got money because the government looked at him as our foster child. And everything we got went to him. Almost everything we got went to him. I can't tell you the last time any of us have bought something new for ourselves unless we absolutely needed it. She makes me so mad using Nathan like this. :mad:
Nathan came back to us so insecure and so clingy. And unless they have a change of heart and let us have him (doubtful) or Charles divorces her (even more doubtful) and gets sole custody, he's always going to be like this. I just hope that once he figures out we're always going to come back for him and we're not leaving him forever then this will get a little easier for him. I just want him to be the happy, carefree little boy he once was. I don't want to take him back because I don't want him to think we are abandoning him with them. I just wish he was old enough to understand.
Here's a pic I took of me and him about 20 minutes ago when he woke up. Babies are gifts from God, they don't deserve to be hurt or abused. I just wish everyone would look at it that way. The world would be so much better.
Poor little mite...maybe the novelty of having him around will wear off and his stupid, worthless, selfish..(I could go on) mother will hand him back to you. Children are resilient and he will come through this - they are also the best judge of people so he will know where he is truly loved and safe and once he finds his voice he will make it clear to everyone. Good luck
Well, tonight has will be our last night until Saturday (mom decided she was going to pick him up a couple of days early and if they don't agree she's going to have a little talk with Adult Protective Services because they are supposed to be making her happy) It's going to be hard. Really hard. And unlike when they gave him to us, he's going to be clean when he goes back. And we are going to tell them to keep him that way. He gets really dirty when he eats because he likes to feed himself, but there's no reason to let him sit in it for hours. I clean him up right after he gets done eating. Those bumps are almost gone and he doesn't have any new ones and guess what? We've even taken him outside! And still no new bites! Amazing isn't it? :rolleyes: Mom even gave her some stuff to keep the bugs away that she had for Nathan so we better not be seeing any more of those bites on him.
He's napping right now (which is the only reason I'm on here) so I probably won't be on for the rest of the day as I want to spend lots of time with him.
Charles has agreed to having him five days here and five days there. He also said that he may want us to keep him for a few more days sometimes.
Nathan has become afraid of belts and Stephanie tried to tell Charles it was because my dad whipped him with one ( :eek: ) Charles told her that dad wouldn't do that with a one year old baby (dad does believe in spankings but not until a child is at least 6 or 7)
We also found out that when Stephanie can't handle Nathan getting up at night she calls her friends to come and get him and they are getting a little ticked off about it. What kind of mother doesn't want to be with her baby at night? I love being with Nathan at night. It's true, I don't get very much sleep, but I think one of the greatest gifts I can give him is letting him know that I am there and loving him and comforting him through his nightmares.
Anyway right now he is still with us and we're taking him back tonight and picking him up again Saturday.
I've attached a pic of him with his leap frog that sings the alphabet that I bought for him Thursday.
I haven't seen this mentioned before, so I'm mentioning it now. I hope I don't step on anyone's toes.
You need to keep a diary or journal of all that you have told us here. I have been told that if kept daily, a journal is considered a legal document and is admissable as evidence. Be sure to separate your feelings separate from observations and hearsay (gossip). You can write about your feelings, but the journal should be clear about what you are discussing. Make sure you credit quotes from people and give date, time, and location and any witnesses.
This would also be a good way to put each day in perspective and work through your feelings.
Get good pictures of any marks or excessive bites. I'm sure you are doing that anyway.
I don't know that you should mention this board. Yes, this is the same thing as talking with friends, but there are those that would differ in their opinion.
As a teacher I keep a journal of class events and meetings with principals. It has been a lifesaver. I let my bosses know I keep the journal, but I'm not sure you should let her know. You want to record her behavior without incentive to behave otherwise.
I think you are doing a good thing for Nathan. I hope you succeed in getting him back permanently.
Give that boy an extra kiss from all of us, okay?
We just got back from taking him back to his daddy. She didn't come out of the house and that was good because none of us wanted to hand him over to her. There was one thing I was very glad to see. He loves his daddy and appears to feel safe with him. I'm glad there is one person in that house he's like that with. But I didn't think he thought we were going to leave. He looked at us over Charles' shoulder with the saddest eyes when we were driving off. It made me want to cry. :( I hope when we do this a few more times he will realize that we'll always be back for him. I just hate to leave him there.
mrspunkysmom-I had heard that keeping a journal can be considered legal documents. I had meant to do that, thanks for reminding me. I have several notes to Nathan but they don't go into much details, which is what I had planned on writing down, all the details, such as how Stephanie acted towards Nathan when they lived here, and then when they moved out (and left him) and how Nathan acted before and after this happened.
Soon, I'm hoping for Nathan's sake that this back and forth routine will become normal for him, because I don't see Stephanie letting go of him as long as she thinks she'll get something out of it. Which reminds me, she went into the DHS office (a different branch than the one we have been trying to get to help us) to get more money on their foodstamps "for Nathan" and when they wouldn't do it started screaming at them. She gets WIC, that plus the foodstamps they get now is plenty to feed them and a baby. One of the workers told her "Well, it seems that someone over eats and it's not the baby."
With Stephanie it always has to be more, more, more and it always has to be about and for her. With a baby, you just can't be that way. You can't be selfish and greedy without hurting your child.
Woah, haven't posted since before you got Nathan back.
I am so happy you get to see him again! Great news. I have one question. Wasn't Stephanie supposed to be arrested?? I really hope she is soon.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maltese_Love
She talked to her parole officer and he ended up dropping the warrant. It would have been nice if she was that way Nathan probably would have been here full time and not have to be with her.
So...Stephanie took Nathan to get his shots yesterday and told Charles that the doctor said that Nathan was stressed from being over here. Mom called this doctor (It just happens that we've known him for a while) and he said that he didn't say anything about stress and was really upset that she lied about what he said. So...mom told Charles this and he said "Yeah, I knew that didn't sound right." This was the only home Nathan ever knew, why the heck would he be stressed from being over here? Besides, we're very quite people that rarely yell which is the exact opposite over there. Where do you think he would be stressed at?
Anyway, mom told Charles he needed to come to his senses and he said "Yeah, I'm getting there." So mom said, "Well while you're 'getting there' Nathan is suffering" Charles told mom he wouldn't leave Stephanie because he's afraid that she would lie about a bunch of stuff about him. She already told him that if he did anything wrong she was going to call DHS and tell them that all the stuff we said she was doing was actually stuff that he was doing but mom and dad didn't want to tell them that because Charles is their son. She ticks me off so much :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: What I don't get is why doesn't Charles go to DHS himself now and confirm all the stuff we have told them. But he's always saying that he doesn't want to make her mad. Who cares?! He needs to step up and protect his son and get both Nathan and himself away from her.
What does he mean, MAKE her mad???
She ALWAYS is.
He might as well give her something to get REALLY mad about.
It's like an abused wife - he has to find a safe place for him and Nathan through DHS, and then report what has been happening.
I hope he does....
Charles told her something along the lines of if she keeps being the way she is he's going to take Nathan (don't know the exact words) We've always told Charles to not warn her ahead of time and just do it. But what did he do...? And then what did she do? She took off with Nathan. She went over to her friends house and I don't think she'll let Charles see him.
Charles should have done something a long time ago (and not told her beforehand.) He's ticking me off just as much as she is because he won't stand up for an innocent defensless baby. :mad: He's telling mom that he see's how she is and that we were right about everything but he still won't do anything about it.
Catty1-you're right. She is ALWAYS mad. And that's what scares me the most. When she's mad she gets physical and doesn't care who's in her way. She got so mad once that she ended up kicking her dog so hard she broke her leg!
And Nathan gets frustrating. He's teething and he's at that point where he knows what he wants but when you can't understand he gets upset. He also gets into everything and you can't just set him down and leave him (which I think is what they do because mom said they had taken his wheels off of his walker and it looked like he pratically lived in the thing)
I just hope they get over this and we can go get Nathan Saturday and when we know he is safe we'll probably have to guide Charles into getting her commited (or some form of help)
DHS MUST have a pamphlet or something outlining the best way to report someone...as in DON'T tell the person first.
I hope he would consider calling DHS - even from a pay phone to be anonymous - and tell them what is happening, and what they would advise him to do!
BIG prayers here....
Mom talked to Charles this morning and Stephanie is back. (Figured she would be) As far as I know we are still picking Nathan up Saturday (and this time he's staying for a whole week) Mom could hear Stephanie in the background saying "Nathan, tell her that you have a lot more fun over here." :rolleyes: What baby (or any person for that matter) would have "a lot more fun" with a self-centered, selfish, angry, violent, always screaming person? She was just trying to get to us and make us think Nathan doesn't like it over here. Right. I guess that's why his face lit up when he saw his room and all his zillions of toys (according to what mom has seen he only a handful over there and Nathan gets bored with the same toys really easily, which is why he has so many here)
She reminds me more of a 10 year old than a 20 year old and I think I will just ignore her. She just wants attention and will do anything to get it. Which is probably another reason she wanted Nathan. Babies get you attention.
Anyway, a woman from Adult Protective Services came out today to get the story from mom again. She informed us she was a cat person when our kitten Maggie immediately caught her eye. And we informed her that Maggie was a person cat. So Maggie was in Heaven. She got to sit in the woman's lap for about 20-25 minutes and get extra pampering. It was weird because the dogs didn't bark very much at her (usually they go crazy when someone they don't know drives up.) Even Lacy quieted down after a few minutes (which is odd because Lacy barks and barks and barks and barks) I guess she was an okay person. I usually rely on my dogs to tell me if people are okay or not. I know to some people that would sound funny but I'm sure some of you on here understand what I mean.
Well, good luck with everything.
Totally understand... and if you say your pets say this was an okay person, then trust them.
Before King was my dog i took my friends over to meet them. If they didn't go over there i'd observe his reaction to them anyhow (if he wasn't chained up at the time. *sigh* Yes, they chained a dog in a fully fenced yard.) I paid particular attention if i was dating someone... and was a little more persistent that they meet him close up. (he he... S.o. was a bit frightened of King, but he still listened to me and got involved. In S.O.'s defense King did have a rather deep bark when he wanted attention. It still warms my heart thinking about that. After that first week, every time S.O. came over he'd stop to pet King first.) It was rare that King ever bared his teeth or raised his hair at anyone. I can count the number of times on one hand. Each time we were in a situation where either i'm sure he saved us from danger or it was someone i knew and was a very bad person... and King could sense it despite my cordial mood.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sumbirdy
To give you a smile, your dogs' reaction to the woman from CPS is a good sign. There's a woman way down the end of our street who has only lived there for about a year (and the house is on the market - she bought an old housed and fixed it up). We've never met, but I know her and her dogs by sight - she's a small Asian woman with short, permed blonde hair, and she's got a yorkie I've seen her walking many times, and a gorgeous red pittie - looks like a picture-book pittie - that sometimes hangs out on a long lead in the yard. I drove by one day and saw an unfamiliar man in the yard, but instantly noticed the pittie's tail was wagging a mile a minute - in fact most of the back half of the dog was wagging, so I figured the guy must be okay!
Well he's here again until next Saturday :D :D :D
But when we got him he had these horrible bumps all over him especially on his back (pics attached) We have no clue what they are. His back is the worst but he also has them on his neck and arms and a little on his tummy.
:(
But other than that he was SO happy to see us. He kept reaching his arms out for each one of us and when Stephanie tried to hold him again he wouldn't go to her. She gave us a list of instructions for his day. :rolleyes: Did she forget who raised him most of his life? We ended up trashing them. She is a control freak. She likes to control everything around her. She never once asked what his schedule was here. She didn't care if she screwed up his structured, safe life. She just wanted to have control over him. She's a sad excuse of a mother.
Does anyone know what the bumps could be?
With NO mention of the marks or how they got there by his "mother"???Quote:
Originally Posted by sumbirdy
:confused:
I'd have had him in the ER so fast his little head would still be spinning!
SOMEBODY with medical knowledge needs to see those - and QUICKLY enough
that YOU CAN'T be blamed for inflicting them.
Get a diagnosis of WHAT they are; then go from there.
:eek:
**EDITED to correct "you can" to "YOU CAN'T" be blamed.
[QUOTE=Cinder & Smoke]With NO mention of the marks or how they got there by his "mother"???
:confused:With NO mention of the marks or how they got there by his "mother"???
I'd have had him in the ER so fast his little head would still be spinning!
SOMEBODY with medical knowledge needs to see those - and QUICKLY enough
that YOU CAN'T be blamed for inflicting them.
Get a diagnosis of WHAT they are; then go from there.
**EDITED to correct "you can" to "YOU CAN'T" be blamed.
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Last edited by Cinder & Smoke : Today at 06:10 PM.
Oh, I agree. Get the baby seen by a Doctor.
Didn't he have bumps on his back last week, also?
ABSOLUTELY - take him to the ER or Urgent Care. Get this documented by a professional ASAP. Take the pictures with you.
To the doc - ER - please.
I know you saw the one doctor before about a few bumps. Now the doc should see they are WORSE.
So they bother Nathan? Are they itchy or painful when you touch him?
HUGS
Yes, they are itchy to him.
He had marks on him last week but they were not nearly as bad. We were shocked at how bad they were this time.
All she could say about it was that she didn't know what they were. What shocked me the most was she said they might me ants. How would you not know that ants were crawling all over your baby soon enough to get them off before they bit him?
Would tomorrow still be soon enough to take him to the ER? Actually I don't know if we would be able to go until Monday due to the need for gas money...
What if we got the nurse to come out again and look at them and possibly document them or something? Would that help?
Phone the nurse and ask.
I am wondering if they are shingles? Caused by stress....but Nathan is WAAY too young to have those. :(
Hopefully the nurse would come out, and take photos. Would the CHS worker come out on a Sunday?
I know you took pics....try to use a macro setting and get as much of a close-up as you can.
HUGS!
Just confirmed-we can't do anything until Monday. :( But Monday we will. And the next time we go get him I'm sure they will be there again so as soon as we pick him up I'll tell mom and dad we should take him immediately to the ER.
I just don't see how she can talk about it so casually and say it could be from ants and then continue to set him in the grass. You would think that if a mother thought something was hurting her child and she had a way to stop it she would. :confused: And these bumps are making him miserable. He's never been itchy in his life until he went over there and started getting these. Poor baby. If I could take it all away, I would.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catty1
Mom was thinking the exact same thing-shingles. When he comes over here they clear up withing a day or two and already the ones he has now are better. I can see why it would be stressful to live over there. While we were there today, Stephanie was screaming (and I mean screaming) at Charles' dog, Truck, and telling Charles she was going to beat his d*** dog. Mom went in their house and said that poor dog was hunkered down in a corner and when mom tried to get closer to him he snapped at her. :( Apparantly they got him from her friends because their kids beat him and all I could think was "Well, he didn't go into a better home." Every animal they get they end up getting rid of because "They got too big" or "They pooped in the floor" or "I just couldn't put up with them any more." I feel just as sorry for their animals as I do for Nathan when he has to be over there.
And we took up close pictures of them. (Although they are not great because Nathan wouldn't sit still) But you can really see them there. I would post them but they are on the other computer. I might see if I could do it tomorrow during Nathan's nap.
Jumping in here.
Do try to get a close-up of the bites. Don't forget that journal. Write down everything she said about those bites.
I can tell you that fire ants leave a brownish scar, but before that there is a small pustule that forms in the center of the bite. And that the bite hurts like hell. The bites can become infected. I don't know if these are fire ants, but sugar ants usually aren't vindictive. Fire ants are.
I find it difficult to believe that child services won't send someone out to see the child with those bites.
And child services is allowed to make surprise visits to her.
He really needs to get the bumps diagnosed and treated. Has everyone (all the adults and you) in your family already had chicken pox, and measles vaccinations, and are you sure they aren't those? Poor itchy boy, but I wouldn't treat them without a diagnosis first, to be sure. Is there any fever?
When adults get shingles they are very painful. Fever is also an issue you get pretty sick. I know in children they are chicken poxs. I've never heard them come out for a day or two then disappearing. Chicken poxs come out and mulitple and get scabby.
Poor dog.