How do you know if it's the right time to get out or STAY?

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Originally Posted by Medusa

I usually don't like to comment on someone's personal life, especially something of this nature b/c it's so important so I'll just say this: you know in your heart whether or not this relationship is what you want and if you have the type of future w/Mike that you need. There are TWO in a relationship and if one is always acquiescing to the other, eventually resentment is going to set in. If we have to talk ourselves into it, then something is wrong. We need to really hear what people say to us either w/their actual words or w/their actions. He's telling you who he is by not saying and doing the things that you want to hear and see. Pay close attention. Love him but don't settle for less than what you need. You are the other half of this equation and your future is important, too. :)

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This says it so well. Rachel, I know how long you've been waiting for what you want. In the case of you and Mike, I would almost always say to stick it out if you love him. I'm not saying anything different right now.
Ask yourself::: how much longer can you go on without getting exactly what you have had hopes and dreams for for so long?
Best of luck in making the right decision. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

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Originally Posted by Karen

You do not need to live together before you get married. Paul and I never lived together before marriage, and here we are 23+ years later.

Trust your gut is my only advice. My pastor, a few weeks ago, said he recommends marriage when you can't believe your good fortune that you found this person to love!

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What Karen said.:) (Except we've been married almost 10 years instead of 23+.)

I've seen you struggle with this part of your relationship on pet talk a few times, now. You shouldn't have to explain why hearing words of affirmation is important to you. I'm the same way and I don't feel like it's a good or bad thing, either way. It's just the way I am. I don't need it 24/7, but I couldn't and wouldn't be with a man who didn't say I love you on a daily basis. Relationships are about compromise, and even though my husband isn't the type that needs to hear it as much as I do, and his family has never been vocal about their feelings, he does it for me because he knows it's important. I do things for him that are important to him, even if it's not something I need.

I will echo someone else who said that it sounds like he isn't ready for a lifelong commitment.

I will add that if you feel like your life and growth is being stunted or like you're stagnating, because of your relationship with Mike...that's how I would know if it was time to move on. I've always looked at relationships like that, and so far, I feel like I've made the right decisions when it's come down to "should I stay or should I go?"

I have to chime in again.


Do not harbour any ill will toward your SO because he won't give you an answer.

Not wanting a "commitment" isn't a character flaw or something that minimizes a person's character.

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Some tips about relationships?

Never speak without thinking.

Before asking your partner/SO for the truth?
Be ready to hear what you didn't want to hear.

Always try to put yourself in THEIR shoes or try to
imagine what your answer to the question is.

The smallest things will bother you about your SO.
The smallest things about you will bother your SO.;)

Just when you feel tired about any relationship?

1) Think about the time you will have before you meet someone else.
2) think about the 'audition process', what is the line about kissing frogs to find a prince?:eek:

3) Think about 5-10 years down the road and finish this sentence, "What if I had..."

Life sucks when you look back and can't blame the OTHER PERSON for a bad relationship.;)

By the same token?

Always demand of yourself what you demand of the other person. There are times when you compromise YOUR ideals because it'say easier to throw in the towel THAT way.

Be true to yourself and you'll never have a problem dealing with loved ones.

LOl, I should do this for a living.:eek::rolleyes::confused:

Thanks, Richard. Thanks everyone. I've been thinking a lot lately. We will have a talk about it, but mostly just to ease things and I decided that I will just leave where things are. I'm not going anywhere. I don't have money to move out, etc. I am actually happy with him, and I know, we both have talked about things, marriage, house, kids, and we both know it isn't that right now, but down the road, it's a possibility. Like I said, I will take it easy and just let things go, see where they end up. I realize that we both have gone through a couple speed bumps in our relationship, but nothing enough to force us to give up. If we have gotten to this far, we're still in it as far as it goes.

:)