QOP - I like that idea!:D
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QOP - I like that idea!:D
Wom, for countless millenia people have been raising children incorrectly.
Thousands (if not more) years of practical experience is wrong. The professor in the ivory tower is, of course, more intelligent than all of us.
Part 1:Quote:
Originally Posted by wombat2u2004
In the U.S. it can be. If a parent uses force to discipline their child in a public school, we are required to report the incident to child services. Not doing so can result in your teaching license being revoked in South Carolina. We are also required to report when a child tells us there is abuse in the home.
Part 2:
My mother could be abusive and cruel at times. However, she never disciplined us in public, feeling that was demeaning to the child. When we got home, it was a different story. She gave us a look and we were miserable the rest of the outing because we knew we would get a tongue lashing as well as a paddling or a grounding when we got home.
We had to be tweaked about once per year, maybe twice some years. We were reprimanded on a regular basis, but outrageous behavior was a yearly rite of passage.
Part 3:
As a teacher, I can tell you that many parents mean well, but do not know how to discipline. I often wonder if fear of "big brother" has had an impact on this.
I am against corporal punishment, especially for teenagers and pre-teens. I do believe that consistent discipline brings out the desired behavior.
However, I have met families where all but one of the children did right, followed the rules, etc. That one child broke the rules just to break them. And the parent might have to resort to more stringent measures to keep the child in line.
My mother never had to go to school for my youngest brother and I. We flew under the radar naturally. This is the one that I visit, who is a chief of security for a Mall (also a certified policemen in NC). The middle one was born demanding his way and approached life with the idea "I might get in trouble." Mother had to resort to draconian measures to keep him in line. So instead of being a chief or problem fixer for a Mafia house, he is an executive with a Fortune 100 company. :cool:
This company is a financial services company, so the mafia description night not be too far off the mark. :p
If I saw abuse I might say something, but I know that I have to consider the I might not know everything about that situation.
To this day, my mother thinks she just spanked my sister and me a bit when it was absolutely necessary.
She used to break wooden spoons over our rear ends. I had bruises from my lower back to the backs of my knees. She was still hitting me when I was in my teens. The psychological damage persists to this day--and I'm in my 50s.
Someone who hauls a kid away by the face in public has to be doing worse in private. If he did that to an adult, it would be considered assault and battery. Why is it acceptable if the victim is a child?
I'm a big fan of teaching one's children to behave. But violence is not an acceptable means.
True.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady's Human
Actually, I feel pretty bad as a parent for disciplining my children with the palm of my hand when they needed it. (This of course, can only be construed as horrific child abuse by the experts.)
And of course, I will feel fully responsible if one of my daughters does the same to one of my grandchildren. Yes, I will take that shame with me to the grave.
"Positive reinforcement wins out over abuse any day" How profound is that statement ?? I reckon that could be the catchcry for the new millenium.
Of course if the writer is alive long enough to see the results of that statement, they could always say "Well it's not my fault. I only listened to the experts." :D:D
I think I'd better phone daughter No.2 tonight, and ask her to switch her doctorate from SIDS research to Child Abuse research. There's gotta be more money in that for her PLUS an honourable position in the ivory tower. :p:p
Well yeah, but as they say "The apple rots from the core" ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by mrspunkysmom
My father's weapon of choice was his belt. And I also suffer to this day with PTSD and other psychological issues because of it. But it also taught me a great lesson that a child should not fear their parents. And that is what I've instilled in my daughter. I have ALWAYS told her she could come to me for ANYTHING, and she always has. She knows that whatever she tells me (even problems with her Dad and stepmom) will stay with me to my grave. That's the kind of bond I have always wanted with my parents but never got. Another addage of my dad's was "Don't do as I do, do as I SAY".Quote:
To this day, my mother thinks she just spanked my sister and me a bit when it was absolutely necessary.
She used to break wooden spoons over our rear ends. I had bruises from my lower back to the backs of my knees. She was still hitting me when I was in my teens. The psychological damage persists to this day--and I'm in my 50s.
Someone who hauls a kid away by the face in public has to be doing worse in private. If he did that to an adult, it would be considered assault and battery. Why is it acceptable if the victim is a child?
I'm a big fan of teaching one's children to behave. But violence is not an acceptable means.
I would imagine most of us know the difference between abuse and discipline. And, I think those that seek to twist the words of others are only looking to assuage their own guilt. Or, are drunk, as I have presumed in the past.
LH- you seem to be taking this differently than I would have expected. I can't imagine you take a foreign object to your child, in the name of "discipline". Can't imagine it. While the drunk seems to blur the line between abuse and discipline- I can't believe that you do. Not from the years of posts I have seen from you.
Perhaps you struggle with another adult butting into your parenting arena. And, on the surface, I would normally agree with you. BUT, I can't believe you (or your wife) would stand by idly (is that spelled correctly???) if either of you saw a man remove a child from the area- by the child's face. Maybe you wouldn't have intervened....maybe...but, to think you two wouldn't have raised an eyebrow? I don't believe it.
There have always been different ways to parent a child. And, I think all parents are allowed to do so in the way they see fit, as long as it doesn't cross any lines. The lines may be blurry- but, removing a child- by its face- is clearly on one side of it. Maybe the man doesn't do this all the time (we can hope), but the fact remains most of us let our hair down in private.
To hear from others on this board that they still- to this day- suffer from the psychological damage of abuse, and attempt to negate those feelings with "its the best he could do", or "my child turned out fine"- is demeaning, demoralizing and insensitive.
When we know better, we do better.
I don't struggle with another adult butting into parenting. It's very simple, I won't allow it. Someone attempts to correct or advise me on parenting in the manner done by the OP better call the police prior to acting, they're going to need them.
It amazes me that the perfect people on this board still feel fit to judge someone's actions and life from a 10 second snapshot which may or may not have been accurately posted online.
Right on !!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady's Human
Hey, don't ya get kinda sick of these people who think they have some sort of God given right to shove their ideals down ya throat in a shopping centre ?? Isn't there some other way they can save the world ???
I'd like to see a few of them get belted one, for not minding their own business.
Wanna beer ??? May as well. Hee hee.
If you saw a man beating a child (not saying that is totally representative of what the OP saw), you wouldn't step in? Really? I don't believe that. Take it outside the context of a child. If you saw a man beating his dog, you wouldn't do anything?Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady's Human
I don't see anyone claiming to be perfect people or parents. I do see someone that reacted to what seemed to be a disastrous situation. Sometimes, people do simply react, and think later.
Nowhere is beating mentioned in here.
I defy someone to drag a completely unwilling person ANYWHERE by their face, you'd lose your grip.
Given the OP's penchant for needless drama, (veggie salad, anyone) I also have damned good reason to question whether the scene unfolded as portrayed. Somehow I doubt it.
The comment which truly irritate me are the subsequent comment questioning the parenting skills of the person in question (judging someone's life on a 10 second snapshot) and the whole idea that it's completely fine to interfere with someone's actions as a parent in a public place.
Again, want a confrontation? If the OP had taken those actions with me, the police would have been needed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady's Human
Sounds like a threat.
No, trust me, I don't threaten. Should you care to, the mayor has my address when you call the police.
LH- although I am especially skilled at smelling out a non-responsive answer, anyone could have called that one. :)
Cataholic, for starters I doubt there was "abuse".
Someone having a bad day? Likely. That's a far cry from abuse.
I've been asked and I've asked leading questions for years. I'm ignoring the leading part of your question because frankly it's not germane to the OP.
I took the OP's recitation of the facts as true.
My questions went more towards the WWLHD type of situation, if in fact, there WAS abuse. I was using a hypothetical. I don't need any answer to my questions, as I already know what you would do if you, in fact, saw abuse.
:D
Where is that Nanny when we need her? She had some pretty good lessons to teach both the parents & children of the parents.
It goes two ways you know. Naughty kids, Naughty parents, everyone demanding some kind of attention, some kind of respect.
My dad use to say what goes around comes around.
Your Dad was one smart man, Bonny!!!
This sounds like a no win. I think you did a great job in the most difficult situation. Mom has a numb nut.
Quote:
Originally Posted by moosmom
Beautifully said. May I ask do you see or speak to your mom now?Quote:
Originally Posted by Prairie Purrs
Well Mr. Tough Guy bring it on.
What would you have done, hit me? Pushed me or dragged me by the face and hair as this demented dad did? Got in my face and screamed?
If you think I will just watch a child be mistreated and do nothing you don't understand me or many moms. And 10 seconds.? I only needed two. The kid was screaming bloody hell in pain.
What if you see someone beating a child with a stick or kicking them in say 5 seconds. What would you do? Would you stand by and let some man kick or beat his child? Or would you be decent enough and brave enough to step up and help the child?
Course this is America lets not forget that shall we?
What if it was a dog being kicked? Would you risk you safety to help said dog or just say the hell with it he probably peed on the rug and deserves it?
What about a women? Hell maybe the Bi%%h deserved it. Would you get involved and protect her if she was being dragged by the hair and face or figure it is between the two of them. Yes he is about 100 pounds more but so what, you are late for work and you don't have time to get involved in their BS?
This is how I feel. I step up. I hope that if I ever need help someone will step up for me or my kids or grandkids. We should all be kind and caring to each other and if we see another soul in pain or danger we should step out of our comfort zone and press our fear down and do what needs to be done to keep that soul safe.
Privacy and liberty in the US does NOT give one a right to beat mentally or physically an animal or human.
So if by chance I see you in trouble I will step up to help you and if I see you beating someone such as a child or animal I will stop you. Go ahead and call the police if you can, you might just find yourself having a lot of explaining to do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady's Human
LH would never beat a child or an animal. Scold a child? Yes, if necessary. Grasp a child by the shoulder and move him or her somewhere away from whatever he was doing wrong? Yes, if needed. But I have never seen him drag anyone or anything by the face, and remember, I have been his older sister his whole life. Just don't make assumptions, okay?
Perhaps he will explain his words to me then about needing the police if I ever stepped it with his life. Some saw it as a threat I didn't. I think the police would be arresting him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Karen
He meant if you, or anyone else, tried to interfere with his parenting. If he is grasping his son (more likely to misbehave at the moment than his daughter) by the shoulder and scolding him loudly, you should not assume the kids is beaten when no one is looking. You may assume that said child has been misbehaving repeatedly and after several warnings, as young children sometimes do, and has worn away every bit of patience LH had, and frankly, said child needs to recognize the consequences of his own misbehavior.
You, or anyone else, assuming abuse and stepping in at that point will not make anything better, and likely make an angry person angrier. Not the effect you would hope to have, I am sure.
Fair enough. And most of us have been there or seen a child in the store yell till our ears are almost bleeding and the parent turns a deaf ear because that is what is best.
But this was different. This was abuse. The chid was screaming in pain.
It was a judgement call. I think most caring parents would have stepped in and said something.
What I did find sad is that many people here remember very abusive childhoods and are still sufffering.
I like to say that I would be sane if it wasn't for my parents and kids. LOL
My dad beat me too. I made sure I DID NOT do that to my kids. They spent a lot of time in the corner thinking about what they did. Probably plotting revenage. LOL
I don't see or speak to my dad. But I am ok with that.
I hope all of you who had a less then a happy childhood peace and happiness. Today is for living. Tomorrow is full of promise.
Sorry Marigold, but I have to disagree with everything you are saying.
It isn't your place to get involved in family matters other than your own.
If you wish to do that, then the consequences of your actions can take two directions.......firstly, you will be target No.1. Secondly, the child will probably be punished more because you have angered the parent even more.
Think about that.
Sometimes it's best just to walk away.
I agree with this - somewhat anyway.Quote:
Originally Posted by wombat2u2004
Yes - just walk away, but walk to a store employee and let them handle it from there. You are putting yourself in possible harm's way if you get directly involved. :(
I have completely had it with the attitude that it's fine to interfere with someone's parenting because "I'm doing good".
You don't know. You don't know the kids, you don't know the parents, and you don't know the situation.
I'm tired of the school system calling me or sending notes home with the children that a child in classroom XYZ had pinkeye, strep, chickenpox, the sniffles, or anything else and telling me that if I see symptoms I need to get the child to a doctor. No. Really? You don't say. I never would have guessed that I needed to take a child to the doc with a 102 temp.
I'm tired of hearing absolute BS like "If you drink alcohol openly in the home you're putting your child at risk to be an alcoholic"
I have stepped into other people's parenting. When safety is involved, I will step in in a heartbeat. However, a dad or a kid having a miserable day in the store isn't a safety issue.
I certainly wouldn't (and haven't) post it on the internet to garner an ego stroke from sycophants.
I would have.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady's Human
I love to read what the toadies have to say :p:p
I mean, really. The only person put at risk is the person doing the drinking! LOL, I am just kidding. Everyone knows that you should HIDE the alcohol from the kiddos....lest you have none when you want some. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Lady's Human