Calling all moms! Did/do you co-sleep?

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Originally Posted by pomtzu

I don't believe that you should leave a child to cry themselves to sleep in the dark either, but if they have slept in their own bed/crib from the start, then this is rarely an event that would be normal.

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I wish it was that easy! As I stated before, Ty was doing very well in his crib, but too many things get in the way. Teething, shots, illness.....then, you comfort for a few nights. After that, I can't just put him back in his crib, he wants to still be with me.

I slept in my parents' bed many nights growing up, as did my sister. In fact, when my father went out of town for business, as he often did, my sister and I would sleep in their bed with my mom, even in high school! We are both independent, well adjusted people now living on our own. Personally, I don't see how sleeping in the 'family bed' as a child really has anything to do with independence.

If I had a nickel for every "expert's" opinion on what I am doing/not doing/could be doing for my son, I would be really rich.

I do what feels right for me/us. After all, he is my child. :eek:

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Originally Posted by Cataholic

If I had a nickel for every "expert's" opinion on what I am doing/not doing/could be doing for my son, I would be really rich.

I do what feels right for me/us. After all, he is my child. :eek:

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So true! People are so quick to tell you what ou are doing wrong...and not just experts.....other moms, and even people without any kids! I think you have to have thick skin to be a mom these days......

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Originally Posted by sparks19

I don't think sleeping arrangement dictates what the child will turn out like.

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Ding ding ding!! I think the proverbial nail has been hit :D

There is an enormous multitude of studies and research that both prove and disprove the benefits of sleeping arrangements. I would believe that the results are so variable because the issue is so *subjective*. I have a hard time believing that co-sleeping overwhelmingly leads to clinginess. Likewise, I have a hard time believing that separate-sleeping inherently leads to independence.

We can tout anecdotes all day long, but, then again, there's those pesky "confidence bias" and "illusory correlation" issues we have to keep in mind ;)

On that note, regarding our anecdotes of clingy, co-slept children, we should also keep confounding variables in mind, too. Couldn't it be that the co-sleeping mothers one knew were just more inclined to have emotionally dependent temperaments? Temperament is strongly genetic, so, therefore, couldn't co-slept children simply have inherited that emotionally dependent temperament?

I have to laugh... since this thread, Cameron has slept with us more than he has in a long time! He slept with us again last night. I always end up having a miserable night's sleep because I'm aware of him and I want to give him plenty of room and not crush him. :p

He's been having bad dreams all week, and hasn't been feeling good, so we've been letting him sleep with us.

Oh, and cataholic's statement about what feels right for you and your child couldn't be more on the mark! There's no right or wrong when rearing your child because you know their personality and temperment. What works for one child might be disasterous for another.

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Originally Posted by Grace

The initial query was about co-sleeping, not SIDS. Comparing the two would be like comparing apples and oranges.

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I completely misunderstood your statement. I thought you meant ALL babies who died while co-sleeping, including SIDS deaths.

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Originally Posted by Cataholic

If I had a nickel for every "expert's" opinion on what I am doing/not doing/could be doing for my son, I would be really rich.

I do what feels right for me/us. After all, he is my child. :eek:

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I completely agree.

All make interesting points, however, JenBKR simply asked if there are any co-sleepers here on PT. Some of us simply replied to the question w/out expounding on our answers and w/out criticism or value judgment because we realize that each situation is different and therefore is a personal preference as to whether or not to allow co-sleeping. :)

Now, if you wanna keep things moving along, we can "discuss" carseats and EBF! LOL, talk about attitudes, opinions and the like. :)

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Originally Posted by Cataholic

Now, if you wanna keep things moving along, we can "discuss" carseats and EBF! LOL, talk about attitudes, opinions and the like. :)

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Not being dumb, but what's EBF?

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Originally Posted by Cataholic

If I had a nickel for every "expert's" opinion on what I am doing/not doing/could be doing for my son, I would be really rich.

I do what feels right for me/us. After all, he is my child. :eek:

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And yet...I think how many times I have read on here "you should not let your cat go outside!" "you are a terrible person for feeding your dog that!!" "You must do this, you must do that!" Even sometimes on the thread for COTD and DOTD!!!

Perhaps we should apply the same standards to how people raise their animals?

...just a thought that stuck me...

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Originally Posted by Edwina's Secretary

And yet...I think how many times I have read on here "you should not let your cat go outside!" "you are a terrible person for feeding your dog that!!" "You must do this, you must do that!" Even sometimes on the thread for COTD and DOTD!!!

Perhaps we should apply the same standards to how people raise their animals?

...just a thought that stuck me...

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Oh I think you are right, absolutely. Many of us, myself included I am sure, have done just that. I have seen it many times in the dog food threads especially. We are all here because we love our pets, and we should respect each others' decisions :)

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Originally Posted by Edwina's Secretary

And yet...I think how many times I have read on here "you should not let your cat go outside!" "you are a terrible person for feeding your dog that!!" "You must do this, you must do that!" Even sometimes on the thread for COTD and DOTD!!!

Perhaps we should apply the same standards to how people raise their animals?

...just a thought that stuck me...

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I do think people need to do what is 'best' based on their opinion. But, I would hope that fact/research/medicine comes into play. Putting your child or pet at risk is different, to me, than making a parenting choice that isn't 'mainstream'.

Without knowing exactly what threads you might be referring to, I am just making general points here:

I do not think there is a whole lot of debate that letting your cat outside is riskier than keeping it inside- cars, fights, disease, etc. Now, there are probably situations that sound pretty ideal, and work to reduce the risk signficantly. And, presumably, people weigh the odds of allowing their cat its freedom and keeping it inside, and act accordingly. Feeding your dog significant amounts of chocolate is just a bad idea. I think the research is pretty strong there.

Co-sleeping with your child, according to the 'research' is not a physical risk, it is a societal risk (if I can call it that). I see it differently than I see not putting your child in a carseat, turning your 8 month old around to face forward in a carseat, giving whole grapes to your 9 month old, etc.

But, I do agree we should all do what seems best for our situation/family.

(EBF is extended breastfeeding. See, on another forum, in a place far, far from here, I was accused of having some sort of illicit relationship with my son cause I EBF. Talk about getting my hackles raised. :eek:)

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Originally Posted by Cataholic

(EBF is extended breastfeeding. See, on another forum, in a place far, far from here, I was accused of having some sort of illicit relationship with my son cause I EBF. Talk about getting my hackles raised. :eek:)

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Oh geez....now that's crazy. I don't see a problem with EBF. Now, there was a woman on Oprah or Tyra Banks or one of those shows who was breast feeding her 8 year old.....that's a bit much for me, but if that's what you want to do, go for it. Ty is pretty much weaned, but I do still nurse him sometimes.

I haven't heard much debate about carseats, is it about turning them around too soon?

Turning them around too soon, putting 3 year olds in backless boosters, etc. Ohio has changed their law from a 4/40 to an 8/80 limit, and the masses are getting their backs up. Talks of government involvment, blah, blah, blah.

On TV last night (and, yes, I do know it is TV....)there was that show about Unexplained ER Trauma, or something. A 6 year old was in a normal seat belt, and thrown 100 or something feet (he recovered, thank God), and the mom made a comment about how she thought he was safe in his seat belt (the way many people do!). So, the carseat/booster debate gets pretty heated.

They did change it to 8/80 here too about 5 or six years ago. Seems like just about anything can be debated!

I would highly recommend "Our babies, ourselves: How biology and culture shape the way we parent," by Meredith F. Small for anyone interested in learning more about this topic. It was fascinating! It discussed parenting in different cultures and one of the topics was co-sleeping.

I wish the book had been more neutral (the author tried, but you could tell which "side" she was on) but it did contain a lot of really interesting information. Based on what I learned through the book (and consequently through other research), I have decided to co-sleep with our baby, albeit in a bed right next to ours (you can buy co-sleepers that attach to the bed) simply because I would be afraid of squashing the baby and I don't think I'd get any sleep thinking about the possibility of it.

PC- sleep is awfully elusive in the beginning anyway. :) But, the comfort/knowledge that my little worm was within arms reach brought me alot of peace. In fact, I think one of those co-sleeper things is called "Arms reach" or something! And, you may change your mind/arrangement with time, too. Before birth, I was adamant that Jonah would sleep in a crib from moment one! We had to do a pit stop to the Toysrus on the way home from the hospital (with a broken bone in my pelvis, no less) cause I freaked out about him sleeping in a crib away from me! My thoughts changed so much after I had him. ")

What I did was remove all padding from my bed (I had a feather tick that I slept on), as well as all pillows but one- mine. I then built a barricade on the far side, which I later converted to the bed rail thing that Jonah has on his own bed right now. (When we slept at my fathers a few weeks ago, Jonah fell out of bed!)

I am a really light sleeper, and it was just he and I in bed. So, that worked for us, but, I can see a heavier sleeper, and a couple, wanting something a bit more distant.

You know it's kind of funny.

I never co slept with Hannah but for months after she was born I would have nightmares that she WAS in bed with me and I was suffocating her or dropping her off the edge of the bed. Everynight I would have this dream.

I sleep with a stuffed animal (I know I know lol) and when I would start to wake from this dream I would think the stuffed animal was hannah.

was really freaky.

I kinda co-slept...

for the first days I had him beside me in a crib/playpen type thingy... but I was constanlty checking him up to see if he was breathing.. :rolleyes: then moved him into a bassinet and had it ON the bed... still on his "space" but closer... this was for a few weeks.... later on I moved him into his crib, once again right next to our bed.... this was for almost the whole year... then he had his own room... and once he had his bed (grown up twin bed) he has been sleeping in his onw bed in his own room...

For what it's worth. Just today, yet another sad article.


http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=6719916&page=1

I think we will be getting a co-sleeper to attach to our bed. I think our culture as a whole places so much weight on individuality, that we tend to forget about the basic need of NEEDING EACH OTHER, and that it's completely fine and appropriate. We're not solitary creatures, even though I do love my alone time. :) Luckily, David and I have many similar opinions on the matter, and we both want to try and make sure that we have family traditions, at least one meal a day together, playing together, etc. I definitely want my child to be able to take care of themselves one day, but I don't really think I care too much for the idea of teaching independence to a newborn. I don't know how long we'll "co-sleep", but for the very beginning, that's what we'll do.

No!the only place the kids were,was in there basinette beside the bed.I was too scared to be honest.I have heard horror stories about things that have happend.Not to mention id never get any sleep,I find they come too dependant and dont want to leave the parents bed.I dont have anything against people who do.It just worried me too much.

Sam co-slept with us for many months then went to a crib right next to me then a little after a year old was in her own room.

In the beginning sleep was better for me with her in my bed (we used a thing to put in an adult bed that has breathable "walls" that help protect from our pillows). When she got bigger and didn't stay swaddled she was kicking me in her sleep (only me never dad) so into her crib she went. At some point she started trying to play or have our attention if she woke up so into her own room she went and peacefully she has slept thru every night since. Even when she is sick she still sleeps fairly well, falling right back to sleep after receiving care.

So I guess I just went with the flow of what worked and now we are expecting baby #2 so my plan is to do the same but I guess that could change if the baby has a different plan! I don't know if I'm ready for round the clock feeding again but I'm up anyway now with hip pain so I guess the sleeplessness has already started.