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You seem to have a lot of friends here who care so much about you - I really hope you start to feel brighter soon. I have just weaned myself of Prozac after 3 or 4 years so can understand how low you must be feeling right now, all I can say is that it will get better x x x with love
(P.S. ignore your son - ungrateful little sod, maybe one day he'll understand things a bit better!)
I'm struggling to say the right thing and I want so much to do that. Depression is a such tough thing to deal with. My three sisters and I have been dealing with it for years. Two of my sisters are have life-threatening diseases and we all feel the stress of their illnesses.
You've had some hard blows and come through it with a pretty good darn attitude. You are a kind, caring, compassionate woman who has faced issues that a lot of us may never see and you came through with a lot of grace and courage. Don't ever let anyone take that away from you.
When my son was that age, he said some pretty harsh things too. Now that's he older and has lived a little, he's apologized for the things he said. I'm sure your son will too. It doesn't excuse him, but after listening to him I think I understand.
I hope your homeopathic doctor can help you. You have my prayers and best wishes to help you through this time.
Robin
(the other Robin)
RobiLee,
It's called suppressed anger and it's very common. My daughter had it years after she was diagnosed with brain cancer. I had it after years of therapy and coming to grips with being molested by my brother when I was 10.Quote:
Now, after all this time I am finally angry!! Makes no sense to me.
I wish there was something I could do to help, Robi. Hang in there.
Robin,
You are to be commended for opening up to everyone like that. I know it must not be easy to put your personal feelings out there for all to see. I look at you as such a brave, kind-hearted, compassionate person. Your son is wrong. There is nothing about you that is loser-ish. I am sure he doesn't mean that. I know he loves you like crazy and if he knew how much it hurt you, he probably wouldn't have said anything.
To deal with a serious disease or illness almost always involves depression. I went through a similar thing as you. When I was diagnosed with diabetes, my mom was crushed. I felt like I had to be strong for my family and act braver than I was. I eventually got to the point though where I started breaking down because I had never dealt with my feelings. I've been through some bad episodes of feeling depressed. My doctor kept trying to put me on drugs, but I refused. I think they throw those in our faces way too much. I'm sure they really help a lot of people, but I personally don't like to take a bunch of medications. I also never felt comfortable with counseling.
What I find helps me might not help the next person. I still have moments where I want to break down, but I usually take a deep breath and try to let it go. I try to pick out the positive things in all situations. Even if it feels like the world is crumbling around you, there will always be something that is positive. I focus on that and try to create more positives from it. I also started doing Yoga. I'm not very good at it and probably look like a fish out of water flopping around, but I promise it is SOOO relaxing. It really clears my mind and allows me to approach my day much more calmly. I just grabbed a few cheap beginner DVDs at Walmart. Even if I don't physically do it, sometimes I'll still pop the tape in because it is soothing to listen to. Breathing exercises help tremendously.
I also sympathize with you on the weight issue. I've gained a massive amount of weight which has been really hard on me. I was so active in high school and was in incredible shape. Now after college, I'm a big diabetic blob. I fear social situations because I feel too fat. I always like to be under blankets and wear baggy clothes (really sucky in Texas when it is SO hot and humid). I try to run to food as a comfort, but that generally makes it worse. When I start eating right, I notice a difference in my attitude and appearance. I usually regress back at some point though. The first step is the hardest in losing weight. After that, each step gets a little easier.
Ok, I probably didn't tell you anything helpful, but I wanted you to know that I understand a little of how you feel. I'm here for you if you ever need to talk, as I'm sure many other PTers are. We all love you so much. Cancer survivors are such strong, incredible people. I think you are so brave to go through what you did. I know everyone that has met you thinks the world of you. I think the world of you and I haven't even met you! You're a beautiful person with the prettiest twinkling eyes... and a beauty on the inside to match. I'll be praying you can find something to help you out of your depression. Some people can do it without drugs and counseling, so I realy hope you can find that one thing to pull you out.
Well put Aly, I agree with all of that.Quote:
Originally posted by aly
Robin,
You are to be commended for opening up to everyone like that. I know it must not be easy to put your personal feelings out there for all to see. I look at you as such a brave, kind-hearted, compassionate person. Your son is wrong. There is nothing about you that is loser-ish.
Although I have never been diagnosed with depression, there were a few times when I have felt the way you describe. It is a long slow process getting out of that feeling. Talking about it here, following through with whatever the doctor may suggest, and keeping active outside of the home will all help. It is not going to be easy, it is not going to be fast. But we all know that you can get through it. And there are so many people here that are willing to help. (Isn't it kind of nice to know that even if you don't feel like calling someone there are caring people who are no more than a keystroke away?) Keep on trying Robin. I will also keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Robin, i'm so sorry you're feeling down. NO ONE has any right to speak to you like your son has. You're such a sweet person to everyone and you're so much fun to be around.
I love you so much as a friend, as a person, as a person I look up to. I think you're a beautiful person inside and out and hopefully some of the advice and things people have said here help you out a bit. If you ever need to talk i'm a PM away.
I'm hoping we're going to be able to make another trip up there soon - if we do a visit with you is definetly needed.
same hereQuote:
Originally posted by Ginger's Mom
Well put Aly, I agree with all of that.
Although I have never been diagnosed with depression, there were a few times when I have felt the way you describe. It is a long slow process getting out of that feeling.
I have had a lot of emotions running thru this thread. First off, unspeakable anger at your son for being so horrid to you... b/c you are one of the NICEST and SWEETEST people I know.
He is the one with the problem of being 'loser' not you. I know that sounds harsh to someone I don't even know but it angers me to no end to hear someone being treated like that by their own child. Doesn't he and his fiance'/girlfriend live with you? I wonder if that has anything to do with your depression? What I mean is a negative attitude from HIM could be effecting you and making your issue worse. This sounds like I have no respect for the sanctity of a mother/son relationship but honestly I do. But my concern is you - not him, Robin. I was going thru a rough time there for awhile at work getting so angry I couldn't control it. I had to purge these feeling from my mind and soul. I know that this isn't going to help you any at all making it much simpler then it really is. I had to visualize rolling my thoughts and deep routed anger into a ball and just tossing it away. After awhile it worked eventually. Maybe your son is the ball that needs tossed? At least for a while......
I have another dear friend whose son has treated her worse then chewing gum under his shoe and I myself would love to meet him in a dark alley....
Secondly, I am so sad for you my heart hurts and I am in tears.
I know I have went thru bouts of depression myself, when Shaianne died (I gained a lot of weight) my grandma and now when my grandpa died. During the day before work I am having a helluva time staying out of bed. This week has just been shot b/c I get up go to a hair or tanning appt and then crawl right back into bed.
I wish we lived closer and I could hug you right now. I am also very sorry I didn't get a chance to chat with you much over Memorial Sunday. :(
I will keep you wrapped in my thoughts and prayers.
I hope I haven't upset you too much with my opinion..... :(
PM me anytime.....
Robin,
I am so sorry you have to go through this. :( Seriously you are one of the sweetest PT'ers out there. :) I know what depression is like and it sucks and your son had NO right to call you a loser because you are NOT one!!! If you need to talk feel free to PM me (((((((HUGS)))))))))
Krista
Like others here I commended for opening up also, its a big step.
I'll been trough my depression time also, when I separated from my first husband, even though it was my idea to split up. He made life H#$% for me, broke into the home, took everything and I mean everything out, while I was on vacation. Keep me tied up in court for 3 years, wiping out every dollar I had saved for years. Followed me, contacted family members and told stories etc etc, it drove me into a depression, between that and starting the change. I went down hill fast. And also like you the weight didn't help, I went from a size 7 to a plus size woman. I use to cried when I ever I saw myself in the mirror. I walked away from all friends, keep myself from doing anything I didn't have to in public. It was bad.
What help me was some meds, but more then anything was counseling. I learned a lot there and today, I still have bad days, but I can deal with them a lot better, without having to re-lie on a pill. But that me, I'm not a pill kind of person, so I will do anything not to have my life depended on a pill, to feel normal.
I'm still over weight, cry when I see myself in the mirror sometimes, still trying to recover from the money mess, my divorce got me into, never recovered my friendships and am still without friends............But I can go out into the world, smile etc, thanks to the help I got. And so will you!!!! :D
In the mean time hugs to you.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...iends/hugs.gif
Robilee I hope all these replys will help bring you some comfort, I am so sorry to hear how you are feeling right now, I think a lot of us have been in that black hole position before as well, and so we are all here for you in any way that will help to ease your difficulties right now.
As for you son, I can well understand, at that age they can be ever so selfish, it is just part of his growing up process , but he should show more respect, it is unkind for him to make you feel even worse, like the other's have said let him know how it makes you feel.
You have been through a great ordeal with your cancer battle, and you have been exceptionally brave IMO, you are to be commended for doing so well through such a tough experience, I think your anger is understandable considering all that you have been through and one that is a normal reaction.
I hope with some medication, love from your friends and support from your family and friends we can help pull you out of this deep dark place that no-one wants to be in, love and hugs Robilee, and remember you are a wonderful, caring person, who deserves only the best, Take care of YOU for once and concentrate on getting well, and make yourself number one priority, hard for a mother to do, but I think it is essential that you do for your well-being, I will be thinking of you and hoping your darkest moments are over soon.
Robin,
My heart aches so badly after reading your post. I can't believe that your own son would call you a loser, when you are in fact, the total opposite. You are such a wonderful, sweet, caring person. I wish I could do something to make you feel better...to help put your smile back on your face where it belongs. Just know that you have so many friends here at Pet Talk who love and care for you, and when you need us, we'll all be here for you. {{{hugs}}}
I'm sorry I really don't have much to have that everyone hasn't already said. Just know we are here for you, and that we love you. You are not a loser!!
Never feel bad about venting here. We all need to.
Robin, I'm not in your shoes but I have felt like that myself. Quite often I find myself depressed...I've felt like just quitting my job...I know how you feel about the weight issue as well. I'm so sorry to hear that your son called you that. Please know that is not true at all. You really are one of the sweetest people I've ever known. You are so much fun to be around and a great friend to me. Please know that there are so many people here that care for you. {{{Hugs}}} If you ever want to talk I'll give you my number.
Robin,
I'm not going to say too much. Everyone has already said it. And, as far as friends are concerned, I think your covered. Please put me on that long list of PT friends too...tons of hugs to you.
Barbra
I'm going to PM you...but wanted to give you:
HUGS
here too. :)