Dig your way out of this mess?

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Originally Posted by pomtzu

That's what marriage is all about - the basis of it. If one goes into a marriage with the full intention of sleeping around, then why bother getting married in the first place? Are they doing it for tax purposes? - property ownership? - medical benefits? - convenience of having a bed partner when no one else is available? - because they think "it's the thing to do"? Let's just abolish marriage and have everyone sleep here, there, and everywhere, and that way no one will ever have to be chastised for spreading their genes. But of course, they will probably be spreading a lot more than just their genes, too! :eek:

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But most of this is a sign of the times. People DO marry for convenience, it happens all the time. So they are not going to take their vows seriously and that is evidenced by so much cheating going on and divorces and the like. And there's certainly plenty of that around....and yes....in this day and age, it is the IN thing to do for many people.

Some questions: You give me your answers, and I'll give you mine.........
1. Why do you think wife swapping is so prevalent in your society and mine ???
2. Do you believe that both husband and wife are breaking their marriage vows by becoming involved in partner swapping ?????
3. Why do people, both men and women have affairs ????
4. If you knew a man who was cheating on his wife because she was cold and unresponsive toward him most of the time, would you think less of that man than if he just chose to put up with her ???
5. Would you expect that man to put up with his cold and unresponsive wife for the rest of his life, and just call it his bad luck because he's married to the wrong person ???
6. Do peoples feelings for their spouses change over the years of marriage ????

number 5. That is why you can go get a divorce & move on.

number6. Yes, feelings about your spouse do change over the years. It all takes work if you are lazy & don't care then marriage isn't for you get a divorce & move on.

It all boils down to one thing: Different people - different values.

"That's like saying why shouldn't I go out and kill someone or steal what I want? And screw the consequences. What a funny way to look at it."

Why ???? There's laws against killing and stealing, there isn't laws against adultery.

"And if 70% of the people decide to jump off a 20 storey building I suppose that means we should all follow the same trend? Why not, after all everyone else is doing it?"

Hmmmmm....that's not much of an example. We all eat lunch for the same reason....don't we ???

"The ten commandments are maybe hard to obey but we would never dream of breaking them would we? Just the one for adultery, I guess that one doesn't count?"

Well that depends on if one believes there ever was a Ten Commandments.

"If someone enters a marriage with that kind of thinking then they shouldn't be getting married. Why bother with a huge fanfare when you're planning the next one just around the corner?"

Would everyone who got married believe at that time that there is going to be another marriage in their lives (just around the corner) ??
I think not.....people change, feelings change, partner expectations are not met, people fall out of love...it happens over time, and all of the time.

"Cheating is not something that just happens or isn't in a person's control."

No it isn't. I'm sure they are doing what they want to do, and for their very own personal reasons.

"Before jumping between the sheets try thinking what other sheets the person has been between and what you might just be bringing home to your spouse and maybe another child."

There is adequate protection that people use, and besides, even if they didn't, it would be no different than most people were exposed to before marriage in the promiscuous society that we all live in, in this day and age.

"I did say a marriage was hard work, if you don't have what it takes to see it through then go about your bed hopping but don't ruin other lives along with yours."

And if both partners don't follow through with that hard work ??? If one does and the other doesn't ??? What then ????

"This is about the sickest, self absorbed post I've ever read, and to think this is supposed to be a pet forum. :rolleyes"

Why is it so self absorbed ??? You've given your views, I've given mine, Marigold, Pom and Bonny have given there's. Nobody has to agree with anyone....this is DogHouse....we discuss....yes ????

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Originally Posted by Bonny

number6. Yes, feelings about your spouse do change over the years. It all takes work if you are lazy & don't care then marriage isn't for you get a divorce & move on.

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Ah yes.......now that's a simple answer.
What if those people are expected NOT to divorce ??? By religion, family etc etc. What then ????
And what about the kids ???? A loveless marriage, a cold and unresponsive wife or husband, a bunch of little kids who they both love to death and would never hurt them by parting.......and breaking up the family unit.
What about the economics ???? Divorce could be financially shattering to a family like that.
Wouldn't that be more crippling to a family unit than adultery ????

Wom - #6 I agree with 100% - and that's why I am divorced. However, in the time that this was happening, I wasn't sleeping around, and my ex wasn't spreading his genes around either. :p

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Originally Posted by pomtzu

Wom - #6 I agree with 100% - and that's why I am divorced. However, in the time that this was happening, I wasn't sleeping around, and my ex wasn't spreading his genes around either. :p

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Then you and hubby are a minority. Most people do sleep around during separation and divorce........why is that so wrong ????

Yes, we're dicusiing and as far as I'm concerned my views are not the same as yours. As pom said...different people , different values. My values are a mite high to start changing my opinion. As for the Ten Commnadnments people are free to believe or not...you say there are laws that tell you not to kill? Well, the Ten commandments tell you"thou shalt not kill" so Adultery is also agaisnt the law then.
Whatever...if it pleases some to disrespect their vows and lifetime partners so be it, wonder if the future will be worth it? I for one will not have scars from trying to beautify myself for some stranger who happens to make a hobby out of flirting and counting the number of his "hits".
Since I'm considered one of the geese maybe it's time to start flying...''

I might add that I'm so very grateful for the lifelong ideals and morals my parents have instilled in me. No wonder we have so many kids falling through the cracks today, they just don't count as far as the parents are concerned...looking good and bouncing around from bed to bed is more important than being there for the child. Great example for them...
And I did say marriage was hard work, if you can't take the heat, then leave the kitchen.

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Originally Posted by Asiel

Yes, we're dicusiing and as far as I'm concerned my views are not the same as yours. As pom said...different people , different values. My values are a mite high to start changing my opinion. As for the Ten Commnadnments people are free to believe or not...you say there are laws that tell you not to kill? Well, the Ten commandments tell you"thou shalt not kill" so Adultery is also agaisnt the law then.
Whatever...if it pleases some to disrespect their vows and lifetime partners so be it, wonder if the future will be worth it? I for one will not have scars from trying to beautify myself for some stranger who happens to make a hobby out of flirting and counting the number of his "hits".
Since I'm considered one of the geese maybe it's time to start flying...''

I might add that I'm so very grateful for the lifelong ideals and morals my parents have instilled in me. No wonder we have so many kids falling through the cracks today, they just don't count as far as the parents are concerned...looking good and bouncing around from bed to bed is more important than being there for the child. Great example for them...
And I did say marriage was hard work, if you can't take the heat, then leave the kitchen.

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But these people are consenting adults, they are not doing anything that they believe is wrong. It's not against the law. They are free to choose how they live their own lives.
Why condemn someone who doesn't look up to your expectations as to how they should behave ???

Sorry kiddies.
I'm still with Marigold on this issue.

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Originally Posted by wombat2u2004

Then you and hubby are a minority. Most people do sleep around during separation and divorce........why is that so wrong ????

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Like I said - different people/different values.
And maybe if those people weren't expending so much energy with ones other than their spouse, they might be putting it into trying to resolve issues of the pending separation/divorce too. That's just a silly thought tho.....:p:D

Marriage can be like a hard day at the salt mines. Been there did that am still there doing that will continue to do that. Am I crazy maybe. Maybe a person likes a challenge & that is what marriage is. My hubby has had health problems the last 2 years & the scariest thing in the vows for me was in sickness & in health & now it has come true. Just take one day at a time in- hale x- hale & hope for the best. We are partners to the end. ;)

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Originally Posted by pomtzu

Like I said - different people/different values.
And maybe if those people weren't expending so much energy with ones other than their spouse, they might be putting it into trying to resolve issues of the pending separation/divorce too. That's just a silly thought tho.....:p:D

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Perhaps they could try some kind of resolution, but usually at that point it's too late.

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Originally Posted by Bonny

Marriage can be like a hard day at the salt mines. Been there did that am still there doing that will continue to do that. Am I crazy maybe. Maybe a person likes a challenge & that is what marriage is. My hubby has had health problems the last 2 years & the scariest thing in the vows for me was in sickness & in health & now it has come true. Just take one day at a time in- hale x- hale & hope for the best. We are partners to the end. ;)

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And that is admirable Bonny...it really is.
But the sad fact is......there are a lot of people that don't think like that.

Maybe I am just old fashioned.:eek: But I have seen so many people hurt & hurting. I have to go why? It is not just values it goes deeper then that. It is not just about sex it is the feeling of insecurity, a need of being wanted, there are all kinds of deep emotions that enter into the picture.