Tough times....now pain behind knee...trying positive thinking

Melissa only you and you alone know just what the real problems are and if they are able to be worked through, the fact you are going through menopause at such a young age will obviously have an effect, believe me i know i am going through it myself, and it is indeed for me a miserable time, i never knew it would be this bad, so i can well empathise with you, and to be so young, well that just is not plain fair at all,it certainly could explain some of the anger you are feeling.

I can only hope you can work things out,but if you really feel you are better apart then maybe that is what is for the best,but working on your own issues as you are doing can only be beneficial for you in the long run, i wish you well, and if you ever need to pm me feel free, always here for a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. take care.:love:

Thank you Carol. I really appreciate it and may take you up on your offer sometime soon.

Last night was another bad night, he took off his ring and now who knows. I'm broke as broke can be, he's broke, our cats have food and we have some so that's what matters the most.

I just hope I have enough in gas for the next 2 weeks but I'm sure I'll manage somehow. I listed pants up on craigslist for $5 a piece, they are Lane Bryant jeans, I thought that was a good deal because I haven't worn them at all but no one seems to be interested.

Yet to boot, my left knee is killing me again and I called the orthos to see what if anything they can do, it's really hurting, it hurt really bad last night and I just don't know if it's really from my back or not I don't know.

Melissa

Just a thought, hon - you mentioned a few posts ago that you didn't have anywhere to go IF you two split.

It isn't necessarily you that has to leave. It sounds like he is the one that has been giving ultimatums (for four years???). He may have a co-worker that can put him up for a while.

I hope you both can get some counselling support soon.

I'm sorry he's taken his ring off. That's not good, has he given up? It's unfortunate that in this difficult financial time you both can't cling to each other rather than go the opposite way. I am so very sorry.

Maybe some time apart will make the heart grow fonder. Could he stay with a friend or something for a few days?

On a positive note, you have your kitties. Give them each a hug, that should make you feel just a little better. It works for me, Cali and Diego have been real troopers thru this, letting me hug them up and all. Of course after there is the required Whiskas payment that must be made.

Keep moving forward sweetie, it is a tough road, but you are strong, you can do it. I have faith in you.

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Originally Posted by Catty1

Just a thought, hon - you mentioned a few posts ago that you didn't have anywhere to go IF you two split.

It isn't necessarily you that has to leave. It sounds like he is the one that has been giving ultimatums (for four years???). He may have a co-worker that can put him up for a while.

I hope you both can get some counselling support soon.

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The only thing with that is I can't afford rent by myself. I know I could go to my parents but that would be a last resort due to all the issues growing up and dealing with my parents fighting and all that.

I am in couseling so at least I'm getting some support and here as well, it's just tough when you have to deal with the relationship issue and then pile all this other $$ stressers ontop of it you know. THank you though very much.

Melissa

He said that he won't be putting his ring back on until I stop the pissy attitude. I'm going back to my sister this weekend because she is having surgery tomorrow, I'm not sure how I'm going to come up with the cash to get there and back. I'd ask her for $$ but she has to pay $500 tomorrow for her surgery it's a dedutible thing, and then she'll have to pay out another $500 for the proper orthodics. So I can't ask her but I'm hoping with me being gone from Thursday late in the evening till Sunday it will give us a little time to think about whether we really do want this to work and if it can work. I love our cats so much and he does too. We would both suffer there with missing the 5 we wouldn't have.

I can't take out any loans through my retirement fund which if I could I would really consider doing because I really could use the extra cash to get caught up on everything.

Thanks for writing to me.
Melissa

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Originally Posted by Anikaca77

I can't take out any loans through my retirement fund which if I could I would really consider doing because I really could use the extra cash to get caught up on everything.

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A lot of plans (401's anyway), have a "hardship" clause. Have you looked into this?

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Originally Posted by pomtzu

A lot of plans (401's anyway), have a "hardship" clause. Have you looked into this?

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I'll check, I've taken out loans before and they allowed me to do it but now they say that I don't have any funds available. The payment comes directly out of my check at the end of the month but I know my employer wouldn't be very happy about me taking out another loan. I don't think they really understand tough times though.

Melissa

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Anikaca77

He said that he won't be putting his ring back on until I stop the pissy attitude. I'm going back to my sister this weekend because she is having surgery tomorrow, I'm not sure how I'm going to come up with the cash to get there and back. I'd ask her for $$ but she has to pay $500 tomorrow for her surgery it's a dedutible thing, and then she'll have to pay out another $500 for the proper orthodics. So I can't ask her but I'm hoping with me being gone from Thursday late in the evening till Sunday it will give us a little time to think about whether we really do want this to work and if it can work. I love our cats so much and he does too. We would both suffer there with missing the 5 we wouldn't have.

I can't take out any loans through my retirement fund which if I could I would really consider doing because I really could use the extra cash to get caught up on everything.

Thanks for writing to me.
Melissa

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I find myself, sometimes, in such a tizzy that I don't stop and look around, and really examine where I am going and where I am, presently.

When I read the above, about you going to your sister's, the first thing that came to my mind was WHY? You have no money, you have, seemingly, no extra energy right now to devote to anyone, let alone yourself, WHY are you doing anything but taking it very, very, very easy in terms of stress, emotional and physical demands (whether it be your sister or your husband, or rescue cats), commitments, etc.

To me- IMO- you need to stop, and relax (as much as possible), say 'no thank you' to any extra time commitments/activities, etc. You need to say to your husband, "for the time being, let's just agree to co-exist without ANY 'heavy' talks". You need time to sit and reflect and stop the pin-ball actions that are sending you in a different direction at every term. You need to let go of trying to control this situation that for the time being has no possibility of being controlled.

I would stop posting stuff on Craigslist, I wouldn't ask my employer for money, I wouldn't go to my sister's, I wouldn't do anything unless I absolutely had to for my personal safety. I would just stop. And rest. And reflect. You are in such a state right now that I fear for your mental health.

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Originally Posted by Anikaca77

I'll check, I've taken out loans before and they allowed me to do it but now they say that I don't have any funds available. The payment comes directly out of my check at the end of the month but I know my employer wouldn't be very happy about me taking out another loan. I don't think they really understand tough times though.

Melissa

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I definitely would not, advise you to take out a loan with anyone at this point! That would just be adding more fuel to the fire. I thought perhaps you had a 401K plan where you had some funds built up (this is your money and not your employer's). Most plans allow for early withdrawal for hardships, altho the reasons to qualify are pretty tough, and taxes on it are very steep.

And I really have to agree with most of what Cataholic said. Please take care Melissa.

yes honey you don't need to be adding any stress in to your already very stressful life Johanna has a good point there,maybe you feel you need to be there for your sister, i can well understand that and maybe the break from your husband might do you both some good, but think hard on it before making the decision to leave, the same problems will still be there waiting for you when you get back, but it might give you both some time to reflect on the situation, i guess only you can decide what is best for you and your relationship right now.

Tell me what does your husband mean by your pissy attitude, i am not really sure what that term means, or what he means by it, do you yourself think he is right?

I can only wish you well and hope that things improve,both emotionally and financially and soon,take care and hugs and remember i am here for you.:love::love:

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Originally Posted by carole

Tell me what does your husband mean by your pissy attitude, i am not really sure what that term means, or what he means by it, do you yourself think he is right?

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Only playing devils advocate here - we're only seeing 1 side to the situation and from her husbands viewpoint things could be very different. I'm not saying they ARE different, but that from his viewpoint they could be.


I hope you find some relief and are able to rest and heal - mentally and physically. And find some healing in your relationship as well.

Thoughts and prayers for Melissa, and a candle
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/...g&cid=10590464