Thursday 163- Let's celebrate warm weather!

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs...

...in front of the door?
Matt

...in a ditch?
Phil

...in your hot tub?
Stu

...on your BBQ grill?
Frank

...waterskiing
Skip

...on a beach?
Sandy

...in a pool?
Bob

...on the wall?
Art

And what do you call his arms and legs?
Pieces of Art

What if he also doesn't have a tongue?
Tasteless Art

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs...

...in a pile of leaves?
Russell

Same guy after 6 months?
Pete

What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs in the water?
Swimming trunks

What do you call two guys with no arms & no legs hanging on a wall?
Curt 'n Rod

What do you call a guy with no legs and one arm, holding up your car?
Jack

What do you call a guy with no feet?
Neil

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter that the other?
Eileen

An Asian woman with the same affliction?
Irene

After the operation?
Noleen

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef

What do you call a cow with only 2 legs?
Lean Ground Beef

RedHedd,

Boy, you've got 'em all down pat. What did ya do, memorize them??? :p :rolleyes:

BTW, ya forgot the PADAMPUMP (drum) at the end.

And I thought I would get into trouble for telling the "no-arms no-legs jokes!"

Oaky....there is a woman who has had terrrible luck with men. So she runs an ad in ther Personals....

"Wanted: a man who won't beat me or run around with ohter women. Must be a good lover."

Her door bell rings and there is a man with no arms and no legs. She tells him she already gave at the office.

"No," he says, "I'm here to answer your ad."

"But, but...." she says....

He explains..."I have no arms so I won't beat you, I have no legs so I won't run around with other women."

SHe replies...."But there was one other requirement."

"How do you think I rang the door bell?"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Edwina's Secretary

"How do you think I rang the door bell?"

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hahahahahahahahahahahaha

Quote:

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Originally Posted by moosmom

RedHedd,

Boy, you've got 'em all down pat. What did ya do, memorize them??? :p :rolleyes:

BTW, ya forgot the PADAMPUMP (drum) at the end.

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Google is my friend! :D

I love the joke from Pulp Fiction.

Mama Tomato, Papa Tomato and Baby Tomato are walking down the street together.

Baby Tomato starts lagging behind.

Papa Tomato gets really angry. Goes back to Baby Tomato.

Steps on him and says.

Ketchup. ;)

Roflmao!!!!!

(With apologies to anyone with Hansen's Disease in the audience)...

Why did they stop the leper hockey game?

...there was a face off in the corner!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by smokey the elder

(With apologies to anyone with Hansen's Disease in the audience)...

Why did they stop the leper hockey game?

...there was a face off in the corner!

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that's sick! i love it! ;)

Richard, the place I'd love to spend a week?

Whitney Point, NY

to add to the bad jokes:

A string walks into a bar, gets up on the barstool and orders a beer. The bartender points to a sign on the wall that says "No string allowed" and tells him "We don't serve your kind here".

Frustrated, the string walks out into the parking lot. He gets so frustrated he loops around himself and rubs the top of his head against the wall. After taking out his frustration, he walks back into the bar and orders a beer again. The bartender tells him "Didn't I just tell you we don't serve string?". The string looks at the bartender and tells him "no,I'm a frayed knot".

badumbum.

***groans***

OMG...........you guys have had one too many Lemon Drops, I think! LOL!!! :p

I'll take one, Bartender.

Logan

OMG these jokes are soooo bad, but soooo funny. :D A few are really
laugh out loud funny. :D

<groan> - you're too much. As I look outside I see a big raincloud ready to join me on my travels home.

What are a redneck's last words....

Here, hold my beer and watch this. :eek:

I'm not sure how well knock, knock jokes work on-line, but we'll give it a try

Knock, Knock

Who's there?

Control Freak, now what youa re going to say here is...

Control freak who? lol

Hey all...I'd love to spend a week anywhere there is a party...Burning Man is the tradtional week long party but I'd be down to make my own with all of you guys! You're funny...

And make good drinks! I'll take a DOTD and some cantnip teas for all the kitties, who have decided to join me today :)

Heres my bad joke contribution...

Whats the last thing on a bugs mind after he hits a windshield?

His Arse :D