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Ok - who voted to flip a coin!? :D :p
Thanks for the input guys! Please, more people who vote to keep her name, please speak up and offer a pro as to why and maybe some cons as to why his name would not be a good idea; just as people who voted for his last name have done.
Use her name. As they are not married, and have no plans to be right now, the baby is primarily her responsibility. If, at some point, they do decide to get married, Ashley's maiden name can become the child's middle name, perhas, and both Ashley and baby can change their names at the time of the marriage. But as they are both young, and so much of the future is up in the air, I'd go with her last name, and if that upsets the father, well, he can "make it right" when he marries Ashley some day if they choose to do so. If they were bth ten years older than they are now, my opinion might be different, but the situation would be quite different as well.
If, despite his current stated intentions, he ends up having little or no presence in this child's life, trying to explain how her child got his/her last name might be a burden for Ashley, and a source of resentment in the future. If the child and father remain close, the child can choose to adopt the father's last name later, I know of a girl who did the opposite, after her parents went through a horrific, accusatory and bitter divorce, she took her mother's maiden name as her last name, and her mother reverted to her maiden name as well.
The baby having a different last name than its mom causes unfortunate questions and confusion which some people are now used to, but others are not.
I say give the baby her name, I think this would be wonderful for your husband since he has two daughters, I mean sort of an advantage for him having a daughter giving birth out of wedlock and look how much her father has been through, he raised them not their mother, how many men do that:?
His name will be passed on, I say pooey on the baby's father....what has he really contributed...sorry but thats how I feel.
I think Karen said it best (as usual ;) )
I would recommend that the baby has Ashleys surname because:
- easier from an admin / medical / schooling perspective
- if dad ends up not being very involved, then there will be less reason to have to explain why she and the baby have different surnames (Personal experience - I was Cameron's "Mum" from when he was three years old, but was sick to death of having to explain to people why our surnames were different - it's almost like it gives admin / school / medical people an excuse to be nosey)
- it can always be changed to dad's name later if they do marry
I feel as if the couple are married then the baby should go by the fathers name,If the couple is together but not married the name should be both which can be changed in any point of time,If the couple is not together i think the baby should have the moms name for sure..jmo
Karen, you are so eloquent! Ash said that makes for a logical and reasonable answer.... would you care come and give the father that speach if thats what she eventually decides? ;)
Julie, Ash's choices for boy names and Cameron and Connor! :D Since you have the same taste, what girl names can you offer?
Seriously, the names are HORRENDOUS together. No way could we ever do that to a child! :p Hyhenation is out of the question! Not to post our last names, but it'll sound similar to Smiles-Dudjig (or Dudjig-Smiles) Truly awful! :eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by Lori Jordan
What she said. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Laura's Babies
My daughter's friend in high school was pregnant just like Ash. She went with her own name and it was a good thing. The boy disappeared shortly like a vapor. :rolleyes: Never contributed a dime or a Pamper even. It would have been confusing, at least for her, to explain where the strange last name came from.
well all i know is that when my mom had me she was not married and chose to give me her name instead of his!! which in my opinion was the best choice. Of course my father left us soon after i was born so, i am a little bias!
Absolutely - tell me when and where, and I'll be there if need be!Quote:
Originally Posted by catnapper
(And I can be realllllyyy scary/intimidating if I need to be, which hopefully no Pet Talk person will ever, ever need to see!)
I guess I'm in the minority. I hope I'm not putting words in anyone's mouth, but what I get from the responses is that in order for the baby to have the father's last name, the father has to pass some sort of test.
The baby could have the father's last name if:
He marries the mother
He steps up to the plate
He financially supports the baby
He emotionally supports them
Why are there all these conditions? Does the mother have conditions? Does she have to pass some sort of test for the honor of giving the child her last name? Is not using his last name supposed to be some sort of punishment? If so, why should he be punished? What is he being punished for? Does the mother deserve punishment?
The reality is that he is the biological father. A child needs all the family it can get. Why start off by alienating half of its family? Are we pretending they don't exist? Don't matter? That's kind of silly, isn't it? Why deny reality?
As for it being easier if the child has the mother's last name ~ if she gets married some day and decides to change her name, she and the child will have different last names anyway. Her husband could always adopt the child and change his name. It's all complicated, so taking the mother's name just because it's "easier" isn't a very good reason (in my opinion).
Okay, I'm getting off my soapbox. I've contributed more than my 2 cents (more like 2 dollars!) :p
If the father has acknowleded paternity & wants any paternal rights/
responsibily for the child, then use the father's name. If not use the
mothers last name.IMO. :)
I have not voted yet (and might just vote "flip a coin") because I am torn.
My own personal feelings are that unless the father is REALLY and TRULY a part of this baby's life, including all the hard stuff, Mom should be using her own last name. After all, she has already done 9 months of the HARD stuff. And she will more than likely be doing 90% of the hard stuff for quite a while (unless they go move in together somewhere). So YES.......the father is being "punished", in a way.
But I can see how tradition would expect it to be the father's last name.
SO I guess the answer to this question is what would Ahsley feel most comfortable calling her baby? Will she regret NOT using her name? Will she regret having to refer to the baby with a last name of a man who may run away from her? Does she HOPE they will marry and stay together?
If this were my situation and it were my baby, I would choose MY last name. I feel VERY strongly about this. What does Ashley feel VERY STRONGLY about? That is all that matters.
Why does it have to be either? I vote make up a totally different last name. Nothing, except tradition, says it must be one or the other.
And...except at the time of birth, adoption, marriage or divorce (of the individual ....not the child) it can be rather expensive to make a name change....
I'm at a lost I know that no matter what the baby's father will be in the baby's life even if we aren't together. The father and I have talked about that already (it wasn't a good talk because he did get upset and ask my why I thought we wouldn't be together). I really don't know what to do part of me wants to keep my last name because it would be easier but not because of custody battle because everyone know that the father has like a 10% chance in winnng even if it would has his last name. The other part of me say the baby should have his last name because it is his baby too and he is going to be a part of the baby's life. He just got a full time job (so that should show to everyone that he is trying) and I know that he hasn't bought anything for the baby yet thats just because he know that he will have to pay half the medical bills for me which he understands and is willing to do and plus right now we don't ready need anything we have enought baby care products for the first 3 month so when we start to get low he understands that he will have to buy diaper and the essentials. ok I have bought a lot of clothing for the baby but thats because I can't help it I like to shop and it not worth shopping for me now because I have a baby on the way. So I would rather shop for the baby. I know that there is something that he is going to buy the baby that he really want to buy which is sorta expensive but he has to wait till it born because its sorta a boy or girl item (of course it has to do with football and favorite teams).