Good Comebacks to Bad Pick-up Lines
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Good Comebacks to Bad Pick-up Lines
What to say when he won’t go away ...
By Véronique Larivière
We’ve all been the victim of a pick-up artist. You know the type: he swaggers up to you, opens his mouth and delivers a ready-made, clichéd pick-up line that sounds like it came straight from a Las Vegas comedian circa 1950. But with a dose of humour and tact, you can easily deflect the approach of any would-be seducer. So here they are: the cheesy lines, and the snappy put-downs you always wish you’d thought of!
“Come here often?”
Your first reaction to this tired line? “He can’t be serious”. Unfortunately, he is. So here’s what to say:
“No, and you’re not giving me much reason to come back.”
“Okay, let’s rewind and take it from the top, this time without the clichéd introduction.”
“Did you come here with your boyfriend?”
Another unforgettable classic, well known for its subtlety. He’d like to know if you have a boyfriend / significant other, or any other obstacle to the two of you having sex. So here’s your response to his burning question:
“No, but my girlfriend will be here any minute.”
“Yes, he’s the big guy working the door.”
“Haven’t I seen you somewhere before?”
If you look vaguely familiar to each other, no problem. However, if you’re sure you’ve never laid eyes on him…
“Yes, and that’s why I never went back!”
“Sure, now I remember. I used to work at the STD clinic.”
“I lost my number, can I have yours?”
Some men have added jokes to their pick-up line repertoire—without even bothering to check if they’re funny first. Or in this case, logical. Let him down with:
“Have you tried dialling 411?”
“If I give it to you, it would be nice if you lost it, too.”
“Your dad must be a thief. He stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.”
OK, we’ll admit that this one has a certain sweetness to it. But since this isn’t medieval Verona, and we’re leaning against a bar—not a balcony—we can’t help but get the giggles. So take a deep breath, and come back with:
“And where did you steal that line from?”
“Yes, he did, and now he’s in prison. Thanks for reminding me.”
“My friend over there wants to know if you think I’m cute.”
Nice try, but he could think up a better pretext for approaching you. Point to an anonymous (ideally burly) cute guy and say:
“You see my friend over there? He wants to know if you’re really picking up his girlfriend.”
Alternate move: walk over to his friend and say:
“No.”
And if his friend turns out to be cute? Offer to buy him a drink!
