View Full Version : Please make me feel better...

01-25-2004, 09:36 PM
I don't even know why I'm sharing this here, so forgive me in advance.

As a few of you know, I have crohn's disease. If I get stressed out, I get a flare up and have to take vicodin until I feel better.

I'm also a student, striving to earn a PhD in Clinical Pyschology. I'm still in a junior college, as I've been so sick since high school, that its taken quite a while to even get here.

I constantly beat myself up for being so far behind when I know my true potential. I know it isn't my fault I'm sick, but it really, really bothers me that I can't be where I want to be.

I've been feeling better and decided to take 8 units this semester while working about 36 hours a week. My classes are in the morning (hardest part of the day for me) so that I can work and go to school.

Last week was my second week and I'm realizing that I've taken on too much. I formulated a plan this weekend to get ready for next week so I can use my time wisely and keep myself healthy and on the right track for school and work.

I missed class on Thursday (I go M-Th) because I was sick. I had to miss last Wednesday and Thursday because I had a cold. So...in 7 days of classes, I've missed 3 already. :(

I found myself in pain this afternoon and after 2 325mg Vicodin, I'm still in pain. :(

Usually, my mom seems to know what to say to make things better, so while David rubbbed my feet, I called her.

HUGE mistake. My mom basically told me to consider another career. That she doesn't think I can handle being a Psychologist and that I can't handle basically anything. I normally would have taken that attitude and used it to give me a stronger drive to not only earn my PhD, but to prove her wrong.

Unfortunately, I'm sitting here in pain and now its much worse. How can my own mother not have faith in me? How can she not see that I can not only earn my PhD, but I'll do it with honors. How come I know my potential and that I was born to make these goals happen? I know that they reason I had a crappy childhood with HER, I can understand the children I help. I know that the reason I'm in pain and have crohn's is so that when I have my PhD and will be working with terminally ill children, I can empathize with them.

How come my mother, the one who I thought understood my drive...doesn't?

Looking back, I can tell she was uncomfortable with me being a pyschologist. I don't know why, nor do I care. She'll be yet another person that I'll just have to show that I can reach and exceed the goals I have for myself.

I'm sorry for yammering on. I needed to get this out.

01-25-2004, 09:43 PM
Noahsmommy...Don't feel bad for sharing this! I am so sorry that you are hitting a rough spot. I know how frustrating it can be when you have a strong desire and others try to discourage you. My mother has always tried to discourage me. It's almost as if she doesn't want me to do better then her.

I think that you have the heart and the desire to do this. There are plenty of people in the world that have ailments and accomplish their goals. This will be tough for you, but you will feel really good once you are done. Do not give up!

01-25-2004, 10:13 PM
I'm sorry your mom didn't encourage you. That's hard for me to understand because I've got a great one! And, a friend at work(she's a cop) and my sister in law both have that disease. So, don't give up. My sil says that the Atkins diet has helped her a lot on not having pain and such. You might try eating more like that. Don't know if it would help or not. Hope you feel better soon.

01-25-2004, 10:21 PM

We really do have so much in common, its crazy sometimes. I had to take some time off college and felt behind because I am also sick a lot. My plans did change after being diagnosed with diabetes, but my parents supported me on it. I can't even imagine how bad I'd feel if my mother didn't have confidence in me. I'm sure your mom has confidence in you though. Maybe she just wants you to do something else, so she's just pretending to not have confidence.

Anyone who knows you admires you, I'm sure. I completely admire your courage, strength, determination, and devotion. You're a strong woman who can do anything you want.

I believe you can get your PhD, BUT if it makes you sick to stretch yourself that thin, then maybe you can do something else? Something similar, but maybe requiring a tad less school? I'm not saying you couldn't do it, but I don't want to see you make yourself sick.

Whatever you decide, do it for yourself, not your mother. Know that she loves you and does have confidence in you I'm sure.

We all love and support you! *hugs*

01-25-2004, 11:19 PM
Originally posted by aly
I believe you can get your PhD, BUT if it makes you sick to stretch yourself that thin, then maybe you can do something else? Something similar, but maybe requiring a tad less school? I'm not saying you couldn't do it, but I don't want to see you make yourself sick.

I think this may be your mother's concern, Kelly. I can only imagine how much she worries about you and wonders why you feel it's worth stressing yourself out. I realise that I don't know either of you, but I think she does understand your drive, but she knows how bad it is for you to be stressed. I know what stress does to me, and while I do have a problem similar to yours, I don't have Crohn's Disease.

Keep your chin up and remember you can do anything!

01-26-2004, 12:38 AM
Kelly, I am sorry you are feeling so bad physically as well as mentally. However, you know what your potential is, though you may have to limit your time and not take all the classes all at once. Remember, you are going to achieve what you want to.

You have to remember to listen to your own heart and to what your body is telling you. I am sure you mother is very proud of you, but very worried about you. Just take your time, and you will get there, never give up! Ever!

You are going for something that is so great, helping others! That in itself is such an accomplishment! Do not down yourself, have faith in yourself. Do not let anybody ever talk you out of your dreams. They are your dreams, stick to the course and you will arrive at the destination you are shooting for! As you can see, we all believe in you. You are in control of your own life. Not your mother or anybody else.

My sister-in-law has crohn's disease; she has been living with it for about 15 years. She really had a bad case of it. She is doing just fine now. She went through the surgery, and that has not stopped her.

You are stronger than you think you are, look at what you are doing, and if you need to vent this is a very good place to do it, we are here for you, you are never alone.


01-26-2004, 12:43 AM
Kelly, I'm sorry to hear this is bothering you, but I really can't see how your mom is trying to discourage you. I honestly believe she may just be concerned for your health, and as a mother, worries that you're being too hard on yourself. Please don't believe she doesn't have faith in you. I think she's probably just concerned about you. If you feel you can complete your phd without harming your health, do work on it, but if this is hard on you, personally, I too would advise that for your wellbeing, perhaps you should take things easy. Health is the greatest wealth a person can have, so please take care of yourself. You know your potential better than anyone else, so if you believe you have the power to complete your education with good health, go for it. Good luck in your efforts of completing your phd, and start feeling better soon!


01-26-2004, 04:05 AM
Kelly I am so sorry to hear that.

Mothers aren't always right but it is so difficult not to let their opinions bother you.

I know people with Crohn's disease and I know that it is very diffcult to keep up drive once your mineral household is completely mixed up - not to talk about pain. So I think you must accept that you have worse starting conditions than healthy people.

This does not mean you can't reach your target but maybe you need a longer or slower way. You are a very courageous person who puts a lot on her plate - I just have to think about precious Phoebe and Samson. For the sake of all your cats and your husband you should be careful not to overload yourself: take less courses, not adding more fosters etc. I am sure you and David can come up with more ideas.

I am a very impatient person and when I was younger I knew I just could do it, by sleeping less, working harder etc. Now I have to adjust at a different physical situation. :)

All the best for you.

01-26-2004, 04:53 AM
Oh Kelly {{{{Hugs}}}} across the miles. I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad. Mum's always worry about their children - no matter how old they are.
Maybe your Mum is just concerned that your taking too much on and phrased it a bit clumsily to you?

Could your work load bring on an attack? I'm not fully conversant with Crohns and it's effects.

I hope you're feeling much better very soon - smooch those gorgeous fur babies and - - David, please carry on with the foot massage :)


01-26-2004, 02:50 PM

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. I have every confidence that you can do it. I also understand where your Mom is coming from. Like Micki76 said, I think your Mom is more concerned about your health than making you think you CAN'T do it. You can do anything you want!! She just wants what is in your best interest.

Please hang in there. If you need to talk, call me. I'll be home all night. Or if you want to chat, I'll be online.


Miss Meow
01-26-2004, 03:07 PM
Kelly, I know inside that you will get your PhD, you will get it with honours and you'll be a great psychologist. :)

I don't know much about Crohn's, but I do know it's a way of Mother Nature saying that you need to look after yourself and structure your life so you have minimal stress. Your education might take you a bit longer, but you have what, about 40 years of working life when you finish your doctorate? A few more years taken to gain your degree means little in the long run of life.

Hugs to you - you're a wonderful person and deserve great things :)

01-26-2004, 03:51 PM
Kelly my heart goes out to you, and my arms to hug you, I really admire you, for going ahead and doing what you want despite having this illness, Crohns disease, is not pleasant at all, and makes your life more than just difficult.

I empathise with you tremendously, and I wish I could ease your pain and suffering right now, Just want to send you some words of comfort, and to cheer your spirit.

I am sorry you mother seems un-supportive right now, I am sure she is worried sick about you, and means well, it just isn't coming out the right way, and in fact she is doing the opposite of what you need at the moment, I am sad for you, when you feel a little better your positive thoughts will be in your mind, and you indeed will feel better about your choices in life, and know in your heart You are doing the best you can, and you will make it in your career of choice.

Take care Sweetie, thinking of you and hoping you make a speedy recovery.:)

01-26-2004, 04:02 PM
You know, there are people who get their bachelor's degrees in the 60s and 70s, just because they want to, so why should you be any different.

If you want your PhD, get it, no matter how long it takes, but don't get it at the price of your health. Take it slowly and it will happen, maybe not as quickly as you had hoped, but, it will happen.

If you take the attitude that you are going to get your degree, no matter how long it takes, maybe that will take the stress off a bit and lessen the effects of the Crohn's.

01-26-2004, 04:16 PM
Kelly, I'm so sorry to read this! I didn't know you have the crohn disease, but I know people who have it, and I know life can be complicated with such a burden.

Having to deal with health problems myself, I know very well how hard it can be to get through a working day, and how bad it makes you feel when you have one sick day after another, that can be really depressing.

But I find it wonderful that you're willing to get your PhD, and I think you should take all the time you need to reach your goal.

Sometimes mothers can be so annoying! I assume she's worried about you and doesn't want you to put any more kind of pressure onto yourself, but she should better realize how much it hurts you when you think she doesn't have any faith in you. Now matter how good or bad your childhood was, parents always have the ability to hurt you most... :(


Edwina's Secretary
01-26-2004, 04:32 PM
The husband of a close friend of mine has Crohns. He was diagnosed while in college. Most of his small intestine (or colon....I always get those mixed up :o ) was removed. Despite the inconvenience that means....he finished college, went to medical school and is now assistant chair of his department.

You can do it!

01-26-2004, 10:24 PM
Thank you, really. I'm in tears, but not because I'm sad or hurt.

I am avoiding my mom until I can calm down. This isn't an isolated incident, but I know that I need to forgive her.

I've decided to drop my History class, and will be sticking with my Statistics class that is 5 units. I can handle that, and will have two hours a day of time for myself before I have to get to work.

I also have an appointment to see a new psychologist starting next week. I feel as though I need to be talking to someone so that I can minimize my stress level.

I'm off to take a bath and read something non-school related. :)

Thanks again for your kind words. I'll keep them for times when I feel down.


01-26-2004, 10:33 PM
I am so sorry you have been so stressed out and in pain and your mom not supporting you. I hope you start feeling better asap. Take care of yourself, let the furbies crawl all over you and maybe they can help!! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

01-27-2004, 08:49 AM
Oh I am sooo sorry! Sometimes moms get stressed too and say what are the sharpest, meanest words around that cut you seep into your soul.

I can understand to a degree what you feel... I know nothing of your disease, but I suffer chronic migraines. Enough that at least one day a week, I am flat on my back with an ice pack and some serious drugs flowing through me. If I go three or more days without it breaking, I go to the hospital and get a shot of Demorall (yep, the stuff they give pregnant ladies to deal with the pain) So, yes, I understand the pain and not being able to control it. Mine too is brought on by stress... and other things. I had a job that I loved, but the stress just about killed me (anybody thinking of becoming an interior designer can PM me and I'll tell you the realities of being one!:mad: ) Anyhow, I left my job to start my own busines - a lifelong dream - so that I can suffer my migraines without worrying about annoying my boss and coworkers. I am so excited to do this, but its harder than it might seem. If I have a truly depressing day, my husband will lift me up, but as you say, sometimes mom is the one who does it best. So I cry to mom how hard it is and she suggests to get out and look for a "real" job. grrrr.

Only you know your potential. the great thing about potential is that only you can live up to it... most often we exceed our own expectations when it comes to realizing our dreams! Ignore mom... she's just scared that you're putting yourself through so much stress that you'll end up hurting yourself in the long run... but she doesn't know how much giving up on the dream would kill you even more! Better to go through this young than middle-aged with three kids, two car loans, and a mortgage! Talk about stress!;)

So smile, know that you are THIS much closer to finishing school - - even if it takes another five years to get your bachelors - who cares? As long as you are doing it!

PS: Statistics? OMG! I was sooo bad in that class that I confused my tutor! :o

01-27-2004, 09:12 AM
You are gifted in that you know what you want to do with your life. Many people don't have a clue, and founder through life, going from one unhappiness to another.

You have been given the gift of knowing what you want, and knowing the path to get there.

We love you, and will be there for you.

I am sure your mom loves you, but doesn't know the strength of your conviction. That's okay, parents seem often to be the last to realize their children are adults. As she would have sheilded you from bad places when you were a child, so she seems to be tryiong to sheild you now, without realizing how much it hurts you.

You will get your degree in your own time, and learn more than many in the process.

Hang in there, kiddo! :) Statisticks? Bleaaaa - but I went to Art School, so we never had anything like that!

Tubby & Peanut's Mom
01-27-2004, 11:14 AM
Originally posted by NoahsMommy
HUGE mistake. My mom basically told me to consider another career. That she doesn't think I can handle being a Psychologist and that I can't handle basically anything. I normally would have taken that attitude and used it to give me a stronger drive to not only earn my PhD, but to prove her wrong.

The only problem I see is your statement above that you will get your PhD to prover your mother wrong. That is the absolute worst reason to earn it. You have to want it for you, not for anybody else or for what anybody else thinks of you. I think you do want that, but you might have to do some soul searching and make absolutely sure that that's the reason you're going for it.

I'm glad to hear you've dropped one of the classes. When I started my online classes, I quickly found out that I had taken on too much and ended up dropping one also. There's no shame in that, and this way you'll do better in the class you're still taking.

When you set out your plan for college, you didn't plan on having this disease, so you might just have to readjust them a little. So it takes you a little longer to earn the degree - so what? At least you'll still be alive and healthy when you finally do earn it rather than be a total basket case in the mean time.

Also, there's no shame in changing plans. I know you were planning on going to a much higher profile school (Berkley was it?) and after a lot of soul searching and praying you decided against that, so like I said above, there's no shame in changing plans. You don't have to prove anything to anybody, you just have to make sure that you are happy and healthy.

I know you can do it, you might just need to take it a little slower than you thought, and there's no shame in that either.

Good luck!

01-27-2004, 01:48 PM
Im so sorry that you're having such a hard time.Dont stop trying to get your diploma if that's what you really want,no matter how many obstacles you have to face.

01-29-2004, 12:39 AM
Awww...thanks guys. :)

I spoke with my mom last night and I can tell she feels bad. We didn't really talk about it, other than her asking how school, work and my health is going. I think she knows what she said hurt me a lot.

Anyway, thanks so much for the encouragement. I need it! :)