I don't even know why I'm sharing this here, so forgive me in advance.
As a few of you know, I have crohn's disease. If I get stressed out, I get a flare up and have to take vicodin until I feel better.
I'm also a student, striving to earn a PhD in Clinical Pyschology. I'm still in a junior college, as I've been so sick since high school, that its taken quite a while to even get here.
I constantly beat myself up for being so far behind when I know my true potential. I know it isn't my fault I'm sick, but it really, really bothers me that I can't be where I want to be.
I've been feeling better and decided to take 8 units this semester while working about 36 hours a week. My classes are in the morning (hardest part of the day for me) so that I can work and go to school.
Last week was my second week and I'm realizing that I've taken on too much. I formulated a plan this weekend to get ready for next week so I can use my time wisely and keep myself healthy and on the right track for school and work.
I missed class on Thursday (I go M-Th) because I was sick. I had to miss last Wednesday and Thursday because I had a cold. So...in 7 days of classes, I've missed 3 already.
I found myself in pain this afternoon and after 2 325mg Vicodin, I'm still in pain.
Usually, my mom seems to know what to say to make things better, so while David rubbbed my feet, I called her.
HUGE mistake. My mom basically told me to consider another career. That she doesn't think I can handle being a Psychologist and that I can't handle basically anything. I normally would have taken that attitude and used it to give me a stronger drive to not only earn my PhD, but to prove her wrong.
Unfortunately, I'm sitting here in pain and now its much worse. How can my own mother not have faith in me? How can she not see that I can not only earn my PhD, but I'll do it with honors. How come I know my potential and that I was born to make these goals happen? I know that they reason I had a crappy childhood with HER, I can understand the children I help. I know that the reason I'm in pain and have crohn's is so that when I have my PhD and will be working with terminally ill children, I can empathize with them.
How come my mother, the one who I thought understood my drive...doesn't?
Looking back, I can tell she was uncomfortable with me being a pyschologist. I don't know why, nor do I care. She'll be yet another person that I'll just have to show that I can reach and exceed the goals I have for myself.
I'm sorry for yammering on. I needed to get this out.
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