that my dad felt the need to take his own life.
I have been on such a rollercoaster of emotions since I received the dreaded 1 AM phone call from my mom. "Debby, your dad killed himself today." No words have ever been heard any clearer. My first response? I HATE HIM! He's so selfish! Why would he do that? He just found out that he's going to be a grandpa!
He decided that life was too painful for him to live. To this day, I still don't know the pain he carried to make him feel that death was his only way out. I'll never know. He didn't say good-bye. He was 1 month short of his 50th birthday. I had just seen him the week before. He looked terrible. The light in his eyes was gone. I asked him if he was gonna be ok, he said, "eventually." Yeah, to him, being dead meant being ok. He had it all planned out. He wanted to die and he did everything to make sure it was carried out to the end.
I love him, I miss him, I'm mad at him, I'm confused, I feel sorry for him.
My baby won't have a grandpa. How will I explain that?
No need to reply, I just needed to vent.
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