another stray, but human this time

[lbaker]

A friend of mine lives in Alaska and his daughter, who happens to live somewhat close to me - and far from him, needs a "temporary" place to stay - some serious abuse problems - thank Dog she loves animals and of course I emailed him and said she could stay with me for awhile but... BUT..I've "temporarily" taken my mom in and my grown son in AND their two dogs so what to do I guess I'll be in the living room and give her my room but is this going to confuse my critters I guess we will just have to wait and see. I know this isn't really a regular subject but you guys are my only support since my husband/partner died and you have given strength to every thing else...any advise?? now we are me, my son, my mom, six dogs, four cats and this dear young woman...sheesh
laurie

[ October 30, 2001: Message edited by: lbaker ]

[Karen]

I would welcome her, let her know that you are glad she is there but that it's gonna be a little crowded - why not have her sleep on the couch? Is it too public an area? That way you could stay in your bed where the animals know where you are. She can stash stuff in your room, or any storage area (is there rentable storage space nearby if "stuff" is in the way) if necessary, though most people I know leaving abusive situations don't take much physical baggage, just plenty of the emotional kind. And, were I in her shoes, I'd feel AWFUL trying to sleep in YOUR room while you're stuck out on the couch.

I am glad, even knowing as little as I do of the situation, that you are willing to give her space and a chance to leave that situation now that she's got her courage up to do so.

How "temporary" is your grown son's stay with you?

Give the young woman a good, strong hug from me, though I don't know her, I've known others in her situation, sadly. She'll need all the hugs she can get for a while - and hey - doggie kisses count, too! Fur people are soooo nonjudgemental!

[lbaker]

Sorry, this isn't the place for this...just had to vent

laurie (again)

[lbaker]

Oh Dog, thank you Karen
L

[4 feline house]

lbaker, bless your heart. I, too, seem to have a knack for collecting strays, four-legged and two-legged. I've lost count of the people who have used my couch, sometimes just for overnight until they can get to another relative, sometimes an extended stay until they can get a job and their own place. It's hard to say no. I'd say some some of them my way (human or animal) but I guess I'm too far from Maryland!

Good luck, and I'll keep you and all your "roommates" in my prayers!

[gini]

I will say "double bless your heart." You just might be giving this young woman a "lifeline" that will make all of the difference for her future.

As for your living arrangements, probably if you were just up front about how much space you have and where everyone would be most comfortable - talk about it - that can be worked out. You don't need to sacrifice all of yourself for everyone else.

Try to keep a sense of humor and add it to the mix. Your critters might not like the new arrangements, but with love and patience they will adapt.

Again, bless you, this young woman needs something stable, comforting and secure. I bet you see the animals going to her, knowing she needs some love right now.

I will keep you in my prayers.

[Logan]

Laurie, I don't even know you, and I can see that you have a very warm heart, and you should be commended. Hope things will settle down a bit for you. Wondering if you might be able to put a cot in your bedroom and have a "roomie" for a while. Might provide a little more privacy for everyone, and not upset the pets so much.

Just know that I will say a little prayer for you, and all your visitors.

[Corinna]

laurie I as logan don't know you but have been in the same place. When my hubby was going through his cancer (which we though was terminal) thank dog it wasn't. His dad ,brother,new wife, and 2 month old baby decended on us. Said it was just till they foiund a place, and jobs 6 months later I just about killed them all as I had 2 teens at home dealing with the possiblity of losing their father. I put down an edict out or I throw all belongs out in the snow.
It's good to help ,but remember you have your own feelings to deal with and you are in a delicate place to be taken advantage of. Set a time limit and STICK to it. It took us a year to get finacally bacck on track . Really messed up our credit hoping in a year we can start thinking of getting a loan. (7years) Sorry this so long but please be careful you have not only you but your furkids to look out for.
This is posted with love please take it as that I don't want any one to go though what I did.

[purrley]

Laurie - yes it appears you have a very warm and loving heart - but like Corinna says, be careful - don't let yourself be taken advantage of and remember your first concern is your own well being and that of your immediate family (fur and all). This may sound selfish but believe me keeping this attitude can save a lot of heartache in the long run. God Bless!!

[wolflady]

Hello Laurie, bless your heart I can see how it's hard to say no in situations like these...especially when it stems from such a serious issue as this young woman getting away from abuse! It's a great thing that she's making that step, but I agree with everyone here. Be careful and be sure to consider your family too. It would probably be best for you to stay in your room, as your pets are used to that, and any change can cause animals stress. Just a thought...sleeping bags or those inflatable mattresses work great as instant 'beds' and can be tucked away out of site when they're not being used!!! I hope all goes well, and do keep us posted. You're a very warm hearted person
**hugs**
Karen

[jackiesdaisy1935]

Laurie, I think you are doing a wonderful thing especially for this young girl who really has nowhere to go. This would be my advice, from someone who was deluged with company after we moved to California years ago, even though it's hard to do, please don't give up your room, that will be the only place that you can be with your critters and by yourself for quiet, reading etc by closing the door when you want to be alone. There are very inexpensive air beds, or cots. I'm sure she is younger than you are and can adjust more easily. Believe me at some time you will want some time alone and your room will be the only place that you will be able to go to. I think it's wonderful that you want to take everybody in but you must think of yourself too. I hope it all works out, Good Luck.
Jackie
maybe you would be better to let them stay and you go out to your brothers in Mission Beach

[joycenalex]

laurie, i really think you should keep your room and the guest should have the couch. you already have a full house, and you as the "lady of the manor" so to speak, need your space also. a couch makes it clear that it's a temp thing and not a permanent relocation. if she's escaping an abusive situation you might want to have ready some social services numbers and groups ready to give her so she can learn to stand on her own feet. local domestic violence shelters/groups can help with self-esteem clases and job leads. you are a sweet soul to help like this, but set clear limits. best wishes,

[carrie]

Laurie, not the place for such things???? Paaaa!

You are doing a wonderful thing and giving a young woman and her family hope for the future. Believe me, they do not have a future if their lives stay as they are.

It will be tough but it is up to you at the end of the day how much you allow this young woman to depend on you. You can assure her that she is safe but after that emotional and financial help has to be handled very carefully.
Welcome her to your couch for as long as it takes her to find a job, somewhere to live and some confidence in her ability to take care of herself. Help and encourage her but you will do her no favours if you give up your bed and home for her. She needs to know that she is able to take care of herself and that she can be valued in a different and better way as an independant human. That is not how she will think of herself at the moment.
An abusive relationship turns you into a dependant so giving up your home and your bed will reinforce the belief that she needs to be taken care of.
A lot of, "Here is my couch for as long as you need it but I can see that won't be for long. You have been so strong to deal with the way things have been for you. All you need to do is realise it and redirect that strength and self control and you can do anything you want."
She had the strength to leave the relationship, a lot harder and more scary than most people can imagine. She did that. She can do anything!!!!

You are a star - although you probably feel overwhelmed, I would! You will look back on this time as a blessing - when it comes to an end.
You are changing lives.

[cr7clark]

Way to go Laurie! I live in Aberdeen, about 40 miles northeast of Baltimore.....please keep me posted on how things go.
Corinne is right....keep your bedroom, let the young lady have the couch and SET A TIME LIMIT for all of your two legged strays to find a place of their own. There really is a difference between being a servant and being a doormat!

[lbaker]

Thanks to all of you, it's a good feeling not to be alone. It worked out OK after all. She stayed with us for just a few days - yes, on the couch - until my friend in Alaska's brother (young lady's uncle of course)could drive down from PA to pick her up. We will be working together to get her back on her feet. Jackie, a visit to Mission Beach sounds great but if I brought all my dogs I would be pushing him out of his home and that's just what started this thread, being edged out of one's own space. Maybe a short visit sans dogs...I'll let you know. Thanks again to each and every one of you. Good advise. Good friends
laurie