Dilema(sp?)lol

[G.P.girl]

ok...i was being nosy and i read my brothers (11years old, in 5th grade) message archive on yahoo messenger. and there was stuff in ther that is definatly not appropriate for an 11 year old to be saying! i couldn't even post half of it on here! my brother spends most of his time down stairs where no one really is talking to his little girlfriends from school. but there were a couple where he was talking to some guy asking him why he was messing with his girl...then they started calling each other terrible names and saying terrible stuff. stuff that even adults don't say. and saying that my brothers friend was a little whore and she wanted to do this and that(not appropriate) and then insulting each other again.

i don't know if should tell my mom or not...i on't really think it's safe or right for him to be doing that...but then i would probly get in trouble for looking at his messages...but i could say he just left them up and i saw it... should i tell her at all? or should i just tell her maybe she should check ut what he's been doing on the computer... i don't want to be a bad sister and a tattle tale...but...some things go beyond just normal stuff little kids do...what should i do? i think the respnsible thing to do would be tell my mom...but then ...i don't know...end of rant..

[popcornbird]

An 11 year old is a *child* and allowing a kid that age to use the Internet unsupervised, is, in my opinion irresponsible on behalf of the parents/older siblings. While my parents allowed me to use the internet at that age, I was always supervised. Until a child is mature enough to judge what is right or wrong, he/she should have the guidance of his/her parents and older family members, especially when it comes to matters such as using the internet, which can be unsafe if you don't know what you're doing. While you should give your children freedom, it should not go past the limits. In other words, if he's doing something that could endanger his safety, its important to steer him away from such things.

I think its the responsible thing, for you to go and tell your mother. Maybe do it in a way that he won't find out that you told, but to make your mother aware of his inappropriate internet activity. I mean.........he is only 11, and its his family's duty to protect him from such things, and keep an eye on him. Tell your mom when your brother is not around, and tell her to be alert of what he does on the web, and if she can't supervise him at all times, there are many softwares for parents avaiable these days that can watch what the kids are doing on the computer for them.........and you can block inappropriate stuff with them too.

You are a good sister to be so concerned. Good luck, and take care of your little brother! Its easier to guide kids at this age, because once they hit their teens, they become harder to control/advise/talk to. If he was older, I would advise that you talk to him, but at 11, your mother should definitely know. Don't let it go unwatched by any means. You don't want your brother to get himself into trouble.

[Foam]

Well we were all eleven once. Are you willing to take a break in your relationship with your brother over this? Think about how he would feel. He would probably be pretty mad, and not talk to you or anything.
I don't think you should tell your mother. You wouldn't want him taddling on you for using bad laguage, return the favor.

[trayi52]

I am kinda of saying tell your mother, or have a talk with him. If you do decide to talk to your mom, then just tell her that a 11 year old does need to be supervise while on the internet. There are somethings that they can go into, that would absolutely not be good for him. He is 11, much too young for some of the things that pop up on the internet. I think your mother need to know, so that she may at least try to see that he does the right thing.

You love your brother and you are going to have to do what you think is right for you and him.

Willie

[G.P.girl]

Originally posted by Foam
Well we were all eleven once. Are you willing to take a break in your relationship with your brother over this? Think about how he would feel. He would probably be pretty mad, and not talk to you or anything.
I don't think you should tell your mother. You wouldn't want him taddling on you for using bad laguage, return the favor.

well we don't really have much of a relationship...but it wasn't just bad language. he was talking to some guy adn they were saying things that are....just...bad...i don't think talking to him would work, he would just delete the messages and deny it he's not cooperative...and he doesn't understand that he's still a little kid and we're just trying to help him grow up right.

[Twisterdog]

well we don't really have much of a relationship...but it wasn't just bad language. he was talking to some guy adn they were saying things that are....just...bad...

I'm not sure what kind of things that are just bad you are speaking of, but I get the feeling from your post that you think your little brother might be getting himself into a bad or even dangerous situation. If you at all suspect that he is endangering himself in any way, such as giving private information to an older person over the internet or talking about hurting himself or someone else, etc., you NEED to tell your mother. Now.

It is much better to have your brother angry with you for a little while than to have him missing, kidnapped, in trouble with the law ... or worse.

I'm just guessing here, and I may be wrong, but it sounds to me like you are very concerned about this conversation, but don't want to post what it was about specifically in public. That's fine. But if you are that concerned, please tell your mom and let her handle it.

[ILoveReptiles]

I don't know why some people are even suggesting NOT telling your mother about this. There are far too few checks and balances on the internet, and far too many predators around who exploit this... It is the responsibility of your parents to discipline him and limit what he can/cannot see on the internet.

For his own saftey, I would tell your mother immediately if not sooner.

[G.P.girl]

i don't think he's in danger..if you really want i can PM it to you. i' think i'm going to tell her tonight...or maybe tomarrow

[sirrahbed]

I am a mother and I would want to know! I think you are being a highly responsible big sister about this. So he gets mad at you - so what? That's life. You are looking out for his welfare in the long run. Tell.

[G.P.girl]

well i told her, adn she was very understanding, she didn'tet mad at e, she was salso shocked that he was doing these thigns adn hiding it...more later

[2kitties]

My brother and i have a great relationship. I rarely told on him growing up because once you start that- it will always come back to haunt you. But I personally kicked his ass plenty of times when he was out of line. I think he appreciates me for it. As an older sister, you have a unique perspective and you can actually earn respect from him that your mom can't, believe it or not. You just have to be manipulative about it

[Corinna]

I'm glad you told her, I think I know what you mean and it can lead to may other dangerous things. May be this will show her how you can discern the good from the bad. Maybe you'll get her lto let you come to a PT day sometime soon.

[Moose]

In my opinion, I don't think you should tell your mother...yet. Why not talk to him first? Ask him about it, explain to him why he shouldn't be saying these things, etc. If you still don't feel comfortable about what he said and don't think you've made much of an effect on it, then nonchalantly bring it up with your mother.

[G.P.girl]

i think if i talked to him about it he would just get all defensive and try to delete the messages then deny the whole thing...he's not the kind of person you can talk to and he'll admit he was wrong and try to do better. he would just get mad at me for reading it and be more secretive. my mom says she's going to talk to him abou tit, and that she suspected maybe he was on the computer away from everybody too much, but that she didn't want to pry and be all nosy because she had nothing really against him...

[sirrahbed]

I am proud of you for telling your mom. If your relationship with your brother was different - maybe YOU could have handled it - but you indicated that it was not like that - so I believe you did what was best and what you had to do. Good for you. It will protect him in the long run. "Telling" is not popular - it is a hard thing to do and may draw criticism - but in this cae - it was protecting your brother. You are a good sister was braving this controversy. If you were my daughter, I would be very thankful and proud of you.