Death and Pets

**dionne** · 08-15-2007, 12:05 AM

As some of you may know, my boyfriend's dog, Angus was PTS last week because of major organ failure. I was the one who found him and made the call to his parents.

The overwhelming guilt I still feel about it, I believe, has a lot of inspiration for this post.

Please keep in mind while you read this, that I'm not trying to be morbid, and don't really want to be a "downer" or depressing, but I just want to see what you're opinions are on this, just to see if maybe I'm not the only person who thinks this.

Does anyone every get really scared of having a pet? By this I mean, pets generally have short life spans, some shorter than others, some longer, but by no means as much as a humans. Does anyone just get completely terrified about knowing that one day they might have to watch their pet die?

I have two cats as of right now, which I love so terribly much. I love these two babies like my own children, more than most people. My best friend's baby, Soni just died, Sean's dog died, my aunt had her oldest cat (age 17) PTS last month...is there something in the water?

I know these things happen. I know that, inevitably, it WILL happen. But sometimes just thinking about it overwhelms me probably more than it should.

When it comes to Angus, Sean's dog, I cried. And I tear up still. For Angus, for the grief his family feels. Some people in my life (note I say people, and not friends) say things like "It was just a DOG, what's your problem?" or "It wasn't YOUR dog, what's your problem..."

At this point, I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this post...So I will just ask: Does anyone else ever feel this way?

(my mom has always called me a doom-sayer..

)

**IRescue452** · 08-15-2007, 05:06 AM

Sometimes, knowing Autumn is well over the first half of her life. And with Sonny I had weeks to get used to the idea that he'd be pts soon. But I like older animals and I can deal with losing them so long as they've been loved.

Now my mother can't deal with it well at all. She has to get an animal as a baby so she can have it for as long as possible, and it takes her a good year to even start looking for a new pet after a death.

**chocolatepuppy** · 08-15-2007, 05:11 AM

Does anyone every get really scared of having a pet?

I think it's normal to feel that way after losing a pet. In time, hopefully you will feel better about it. Although our pets lives are too short, they are well worth the years we have them.

**Kalei** · 08-15-2007, 06:39 AM

I think most people that own pets get that awful overwhelming feeling. Specially the owners who truely love their pets like their children. I can't even think of my cat Bobo passing away someday without starting to cry wherever I may be. It just kills me inside.

But I think that having the love and sharing the love and joy with your pet for the time that you have him or her is all worth it. I'd rather love that pet for the years than not have loved one at all.

But all in all you are right, it is always really sad, and sometimes you can get extremely depressed and worse, but you always move on sooner or later and then from that time on you keep them in your memories and photo albums, and while they are still inside your heart, they know you still love them dearly and hope you share your love with another like them

**Blue Dragonfly** · 08-15-2007, 08:35 AM

I know exactly what you mean. i am constantly thinking like that. I look at boof, or one of my other pets and i think, i know i am going to have to go through the hurt of losing you. I think this when i am in my most loving state of mind. I think it just means you really love your pet.

I used to worry so much about my guinea pigs outside. they were in their cages, but i would hear the cats making noises outside. i would constantly worry in my bed. sometimes i would get up multiple times and go outside in the freezing cold just to be sure, otherwise i would not be able to sleep.

When i was camping i would seal every inch of their cages so bugs, spiders and snakes couldn't get in there. i could never stop worrying. even if i could get someone to look after them i would worry.

Sometimes i think that it would be better not to have any pets at all. That it would save me a lot of stress, but then i see their little faces, and it reminds me of all the good times they give me. The good far outways the bad. I think it is a nature human reaction not to want to set yourself up for a fall. to be hurt.

Trust me, if you dont have any animals and you come home from a bad day, you just want a pet to cuddle and spoil and comfort you. Rest assured, you are not morbid, just extremely deep and in love with your pets.

Hope this helps.

**Catlady711** · 08-15-2007, 08:34 PM

To me your post makes perfect sense. I went through that the last few weeks Dusty was with me. From what I've read on the net it's called 'pre-grieving'. And honestly getting through that time, horrible as it was, actually helped me somewhat with the grieving process after she died. At least while 'pre-grieving' you still have your pet with you and can do all those things for them that you might not have thought of until later when they were gone.

Hope that makes sense.

Don't fear so much you stop owning pets, just enjoy each day you have with them, pre-grieve now and again if you need to, and just love them for how ever long they have with you.

**Alysser** · 08-15-2007, 09:22 PM

Dionne, you did not sound morbid at all, not in the least bit.

As with everything in life, pet ownership has it's downsides. In my opinion, the worst of those downsides is losing your beloved companion. Loosing a pet is always sad. I go through this kind of thinking alot myself, and I tear up. If I am listening to a song that associates with death, then it hurts even more. The fact that I will loose all my animals one day hurts but I think it's something all pet owners go through, especially when your pet is going down the tubes and you seem to know it.

All I can really say is while they are with you, let them live their life to fullest possible. Make everyday with them special and filled with happiness. You never know what is going to happen.

You know what is really silly to me though. When people say, "I will never get another animal, because the pain I suffered loosing him/her was to strong. I never want to go through that again". That's really silly to me. No you cannot change that a pet HAS to leave you eventually. But if you never get another animal, you're depriving yourself of many happy years of love and companionship, and all for what? Because of the grief? It hurts alot, grief. But there is a great comfort in knowing you will meet again one day and your animal lived a full, happy life with you.

Hope that made sense.

**Suki Wingy** · 08-15-2007, 09:46 PM

No. I rather have 10+ beautiful years in the companionship of my dog than nothig at all. I'm usually a "glass half empty" kinda person but when it comes to my animals I feel better to have loved and lost than to never love at all.
My grandma feels the same way as you though, she won't have another dog after the last one went to the RB at 15 years, 4 years or so ago.

**Suki Wingy** · 08-15-2007, 09:47 PM

Originally Posted by Maltese_Love

You know what is really silly to me though. When people say, "I will never get another animal, because the pain I suffered loosing him/her was to strong. I never want to go through that again". That's really silly to me. No you cannot change that a pet HAS to leave you eventually. But if you never get another animal, you're depriving yourself of many happy years of love and companionship, and all for what? Because of the grief? It hurts alot, grief. But there is a great comfort in knowing you will meet again one day and your animal lived a full, happy life with you.

Hope that made sense.

You said it better than I ever could have.

**Genny** · 08-16-2007, 03:55 AM

I think lots of people feel that way. I've thought things like that before, I'm sure everyone has at one point. But I don't stress and worry over it either. I know dogs and other animals will never live as long as people, but they bring so much joy and happiness into our lives. I would rather have them in my life whether it's 20 years, 10 years or only a few years than to never have them at all.

**dionne** · 08-17-2007, 11:17 PM

WOW. I did not expect to get so many replies for this, and DID NOT expect so many people to have the same thoughts/worries.

Everything was so beautifully said and everyone's words made sense to me. Seeing it in other people's different perspectives really gave ME a whole new perspective on the current subject.

I am so very glad that there are so many understanding people on here, and that no one thinks I'm being morbid and/or depressing. My post was just a long list of things that run through my head at certain points in time, especially with a death of a pet.

I almost thought no one really understood the bond between a person and their pet, but being on PT has really helped me understand that there are actually people who don't get pets just to kick around or "fill a void".

And yeah, now that I think about it, even though at times, I don't want to listen to the inner voice that actually makes sense, having a pet for even the shortest amount of time IS worth it.

Though sometimes I DO get overwhelmed by the short life-span of my animals, and there's not really a whole lot I can do to stop the thoughts or wish I could play God and keep my pets alive FOREVER

, I wouldn't give up the bond I share with my animals for the world.

**Callie** · 08-20-2007, 07:50 PM

I can understand that sometimes it takes a bit of time before one is 'ready' for another pet but if you consider that your getting another pet (not a replacement as that places an unfair disadvantage on the new pet and your relationship with them) as honoring the relationship that you had with your RB pet then things change.

By seeking to have another valuable relationship with a pet, it puts an entirely different perspective on things. You're honoring what they meant to you. Besides, they'd want you to be happy and not grieve too long over their passing, if they had a say in things. After all, they tried (and obviously succeeded) in making you happy in life...so why wouldn't they want you to be happy even tho' they're in your heart instead of in your lap?

Go ahead and honor your lost pet by providing the same loving care to another pet and allowing room in your heart for more love. It's a winner attitude all the way around.

Callie