I am finding a few things which I have to experience on a daily basis here very upsetting, and I just can't figure out how to deal with them / work through them.....
If you are sensitive, I'd suggest stopping reading this now...
This place is so depressing - the only thing more upsetting than the starving animals is the starving and deformed children begging - it makes me sick to my stomach every single day. BUT if you role down the window to try and give food or money (most of them live on around 50c per day) your car gets MOBBED and it can be dangerous, so you just sit in traffic and try not to look.
There are beggars (both able bodied and disabled), Adults and Children everywhere. The road out of my area is a constant traffic jam, so they walk (or crawl) (or drag themselves on skateboards if the can't walk or have no legs) between the lines of cars. Even with shades on the windows they can still see in enough to see that I am an expat - plus the big car seat in the back marks me as a "soft target".
You can't imagine how I feel having kiddies and old women and sick people hanging on the car and shouting "Help me Madam", and "God Bless You".
It does not matter what time of the day I go out - it's always the same. Plus it's the only road out of my area - there is no alternative route.
There is a lady with a baby the same age as Cali standing there every day - the baby's arms are terribly deformed, but she still smiles and tries to wave. There is another lady with twins of about 6 months - one on each hip - just standing there for hours in the heat.
It's a VERY bad idea to roll down your window and give anyone anything - you will get mobbed.
I don't have the financial ability to donate to a charity here right now - plus this country is so corrupt that I would never know where my money was going.
I don't have the time (Cali is a handful), and more than that I don't have the EMOTIONAL strength right now to get involved or volunteer anywhere.
For the first time in my life I am feeling totally overwhelmed and totally incapable of doing anything to help.
Every time I think of those babies, and look at Cali, I just cry my eyes out. Every time that little girl "waves" on the road, I literally sit in the back of the car and sob for hours. They have no future here, no education, never mind special-needs education.
I'm at a really low point at the moment.
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