I'm not sure if this is the right spot to post...I just need to vent I guess. If this is not the right spot, I apologize and hope you will delete it, Karen or Paul.
I have been stuggling for years to keep things together... I nursed my parents through their final illnesses, dealt with the abuse of siblings, have been involved for 20 years with a survivor of incest and abuse... (part of the difficulty in that is the fact that my friend has never been able to acknowledge the reality of our physical relationship...we've been lovers for most of the 20 years... and she tells me it is the happiest she's been, but she can not be "out" and so I have become more and more isolated) I went bankrupt, lost a job I loved over something that was not true which caused a whole other round of financial problems...
I know other people have it worse and all the rest. I am just so tired of struggling.
I am a teacher of at risk urban teens; a high stress job that is not well paid. I am struggling to keep a house that is falling down around my ears so that I can maintain my animals but it is getting harder and harder.
Last night I thought I would get to spend some time with my significant other...I really needed to be close, only to get shut out again for having any needs. I know. These dynamics are old. She can't be what she can't be. In her world view I am supposed to be the giver who never asks. In a few weeks she will be wanting me to be there again. Right now though, I am hurting. There is literally no one I can talk with about this. I am just so tired.
I have tried to get around this depression and struggle through but I just don't know how I can anymore.
Sorry this is so long... I just needed to vent.
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