Need some advice ASAP!

**Rachel** · 12-12-2007, 04:02 PM

I'm in the camp that feels you need to stay as far away from anything to do with him and anyone else he is involved with as you possibly can.

There is someone else who is your priority to protect now. This person (GF) is an adult who has other people in her life with whom to consult on what's going on in her life. Personally I don't think you should even know who his current girlfriend is!!! You aren't the one to protect others from Jason.

Just my humble opinion.

**Medusa** · 12-14-2007, 08:00 AM

Having been there, I can speak w/authority on this subject. Abusers DO NOT change except to get better at what they do. If you think you're the first person this guy was abusive to, forget it. And if you think you'll be the last, you can forget that, too. It takes YEARS of counseling to get an abuser to even admit what s/he's done. You can tell this girl if you like but it's doubtful that it will do any good. She'll more than likely say that you're just a jealous ex who wants to trash him. Denial is such a potent force. You say that you didn't know he was abusive "because you loved him". Come on. We know when we're being abused and we know when we should get out but for whatever reason/s, we just don't do it. She knows already that something isn't right w/him or she wouldn't have asked that you tell her if there's anything she should know. When you're in the first blush of love, you don't suspect your partner of anything negative. You're out, THANK GOODNESS, now stay out. Block her on My Space, be sure that he follows the restraining order, and get on w/your life. DO NOT make excuses for him or anyone else who thinks they have the right to say or do anything that's hurtful to you. WE ALWAYS KNOW when we're being abused but fear or pride or finances or a host of other reasons keeps us from getting out. You're one of the lucky ones because you got out. Now stay out and don't get sucked back into any kind of drama. It isn't worth your life and/or sanity and self respect.

**catnapper** · 12-14-2007, 08:14 AM

Let me ask you this: If someone told you 4 years ago, would you have done anything about it? would you have denied it? Would you have said, "He's such a sweetie, its just that he works so hard and he's so tired..." Or would you have broke up with him and set yourself free from years of emotional and physical abuse?

Being free of the situation enables you to see things with a clarity you never noticed before. Thing is you have to be free of a situation to notice. I often said Ashley was emotionally abused by Cam's father; all the things we told her about him was said to unhearing ears. Now that she's away from him she's constantly complaining of everything we told her about him.

You can't give the truth to someone who doesn't want to hear it. If she's looking for the truth to confirm her suspicions, email her politely and tell her that you have nothing to say in writing, that if she wants to meet and discuss things you are willing to do so. and if you meet, make it a business-like meeting where you tell her the facts as they occur, like a timeline. But never ever put all that in writing because he might find it and she could misinterpret what you're saying. Nothing is like facing another woman when you're telling her to watch out for herself.