My dog is afraid of my husband - need advice

[ramanth]

*edit again* I had it in my head that JP was her boyfriend. He's her husband. D'oh!


I had permission to cross-post this:

London still doesn't like JP! We are both running out of ideas, and I'm getting more and more worried that this will turn into fear aggression. He won't let JP get near him. And he darts around the house wildly when JP is home. When JP comes home from work (in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep) I'll often wake up to hearing London growling at him. He even tried to bit him once when JP tried to pet him.

Yet, he let my dad pet him the very first day I had him. I can't figure it out, JP thinks he was beaten, but I'm unsure about that. But if so, perhaps it was by someone that looked like JP? London is as sweet as he can be when its just me and Shelby home. But when JP is home, he is staying in Shelbys bed room, and highly nervous the entire time. I know it takes time for a dog to warm up to a new home, but I feel London is getting more and more afraid of JP :\ We have tried everything we can think of. He even shaved his beard off to look different. I dont want to give up on my dog, and get another one, but I dont know what to do, other than give him more time. He's got untill late winter/spring time to like JP.

I absolutly hate this. I've nervoused myself into nosebleeds thinking about this. But I dont want London to have to spend his weekends scared to death. And JP doesn't want us to get a shelter dog if we do this, because they all have 'issues'. bah.

And a picture of him, hiding between me and the stove while I was 'trying' to cook breakfast.

*edit*
I grabbed some of her answers in her other post. I also shared with her a link to PT so I hope she joins and chimes in.

I feed London. along with the re-housetraining, grooming, playing, taking on walks, and, everything!

JP already mentioned that if he was forced to spend time with him alone, perhaps that would help.

As far as us sitting on the couch and trying to get London to approace us, we've tried that on a daily basis. He still stays in the bedroom (down the hallway, still in eye sight of us) and refuses to come out.

We've also tried the, me having London hold still while Jp slowly comes up, talking gently trying to pet him. He gets within 3 steps from us, and London will struggle with all he's got to get away from me. I just can't hold him, and I dont want to tramatize him. We haven't tried that daily, more like every few days, still nothing!

Is there anything I haven't tried?

[4 Dog Mother]

I wonder what all they have tried. Like have they tried having the boyfriend giving treats to London every time he first comes in. Have they had the boyfriend sit on the floor and let the dog come to him when he has had treats. My neighbor's dog is afraid of me for some reason and we have tried this. We will put the treat closer and closer to me until he has to take them from my hand. Pippi is scare of most strangers and she does better if they ignore her and let her approach them. Also when they go to pet her if their hand is palm up rather than down coming up towards her - like to pet her on the neck seems to help.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I don't know what other advice you've gotten but 4 Dog Mother's advice about JP leaving your dog alone unless he's approached (and then letting London sniff and maybe giving him a treat) sounds good. Who feeds London? Maybe JP could try feeding him (if London will let him get that close). Most of the time dogs develop a bond with their primary caretaker, so if it were possible for JP to do these duties maybe London would learn to trust him. What a hard situation. Good luck.

[Cincy'sMom]

When I read the title of the thread, I wondered why in the world Kia was afraid of Andy!!

Anyway, I don't have much to add from my mom's suggestions. A little variance I have heard, would be to have her boyfriend, kneel down, and face away from the dog. Have him hold a treat in his palm, behind his back and encourage the dog to taket he treat, with no eye contact from theboyfriend at all.

You also might PM Angie (pitc9) and see what things her husband has tried with Buddy. I know they have been working onthings for along time, but I think they made some small progress.


London is a beautiful dog! I hope they can work things out!

[pitc9]

Oh!!!!! I have a ZILLION bits of advice!!
The #1 most important thing is that your boyfriend does not in any way feel anger towards the dog. My male GSD Buddy is deathly terrified of my hubby and we've had him for almost 3 years now! My hubby gets mad because Buddy will run away from him and/or grumble at him and my hubby will yell at him (Stupid of my hubby I know but he's not the smartest )
All that does is makes things worse and reconfirms Buddy's fear of him. We'll take a few steps forward, then my hubby will get mad, and we take a few steps back.. it's so heartbreaking.
If he would just be nice to him or even ignore him 100% things would get better.
We've had behaviorists over and they have given great advice to follow, but my hubby does not follow it for too long.
I would advise contacting behaviorists it will help a GREAT deal for your boyfriend to understand what he has to do, and how the dog reacts to his actions.
My Buddy, like your dog, will let everyone pet him, except my hubby. Even my father in law can play and pet Buddy, just not my hubby.
Also.. Don’t put a deadline on when the dog will come around, it will be too much pressure. (when I first got Buddy my hubby told me we had 6 months to get Buddy to like him.. then it was a year... then 2 years.. yeah.. he's still here but that doesn't mean the hubby likes it!! )
If you would like, e-mail me at [email protected], I have tons of other things I can tell you to try or not to do!

[ramanth]

I grabbed some of her answers in her other post. I also shared with her a link to PT so I hope she joins and chimes in.

I feed London. along with the re-housetraining, grooming, playing, taking on walks, and, everything!

JP already mentioned that if he was forced to spend time with him alone, perhaps that would help.

As far as us sitting on the couch and trying to get London to approace us, we've tried that on a daily basis. He still stays in the bedroom (down the hallway, still in eye sight of us) and refuses to come out.

We've also tried the, me having London hold still while Jp slowly comes up, talking gently trying to pet him. He gets within 3 steps from us, and London will struggle with all he's got to get away from me. I just can't hold him, and I dont want to tramatize him. We haven't tried that daily, more like every few days, still nothing!

Is there anything I haven't tried?

[ramanth]

Thanks Angie! I totally forgot that Buddy was scared of your hubby.

And Amy... lol! I figured by posting the subject that way, it'd intice people to check it out.

Kia fears the big bad mommy who enforces the rules. She knows she can boss Andy around.

[jackie]

We've also tried the, me having London hold still while Jp slowly comes up, talking gently trying to pet him. He gets within 3 steps from us, and London will struggle with all he's got to get away from me.

Wow, that sounds like the worse thing that you could do.

My advice is let JP feed him and come along on the walks whenever he can. Cindymom's treat idea sounds really good too. I hope they manage to find a solution soon.

[K9soul]

I'd recommend this book/pamphlet The Cautious Canine

I'd also use methods found in The Dog Listener by Jan Fennel. I wonder if they have tried having him just completely ignore the dog for a week or so, no looking at, no talking to, no trying to make friends at all. Sometimes for a fearful dog, this helps them relax and come up on their own and they feel safer and less threatened. If he did this for awhile and then London began cautiously approaching to check him out, I'd still have him ignore him and maybe have her (the owner) toss London a treat when he approached, and gradually move that over to him tossing the treat but not looking at him and ignoring him still. Just continue in this way until he seems comfortable in each situation, i.e. glancing at him and then tossing the treat, waiting till he gets closer, eventually holding out the treat without looking at him until he takes it from his hand, and so on.

I have found with Tasha, who is very suspicious and fearful of men other than my husband, that if I can get them to just ignore her she will relax and approach them after awhile, sniffing. If they turn their attention on her she backs away and gets frightened again. I find that the more they try to coo at her and make friends with her, the more upset and frightened she gets. If they hold out a treat she gets even more suspicious and agitated. It could be his attentions are actually making things worse right now.

The above method is what I'd try in that situation. It will take time and patience but I think it has a high chance of succeeding. Good luck and I hope any of these ideas may help!

[Cinder & Smoke]

Pippi is scared of most strangers
and she does better if they ignore her and let her approach them.

Boy, can I relate to THAT!!

"Stranger" Phred enters the Howze to be "greeted" by BIG Dawg Dakota -
who wasn't at ALL sure I otta be IN there!

I started lettin everyone out of their crates and herding them outside ...
Dazzi was fearful and kept avoiding me - took 5 minutes to get her out the door.

Last out was Pippi - cowering in her crate *BARKING* in fear.
She finally *dashed* out of the open crate - and then began flying around
the house trying to avoid even looking at me!
Once I herded her out the back door -
I figured I wouldn't see her again till Mom came home!

I went out and sat on a chair in the garden and began passing out LOTS of treats ...
After about the third *snatched* treat, Pippi finally quit *barkin* and approached ...
A 4-paw *spring* and she was in my lap!
From then on - every time I sat down I had to be ready for Pippi's LEAP into my lap!

Most PTers don't remember, but SmokeMutt was an Abused Child - and had
a Panic/Fear of ALL "men" - myself included!
I credit my old Shop landlord, a couple of my Fire Buddies, and Ralph at Findlay
with bringing Smokey around to the Friendly, Trusting Pup he is now ...
Dave, the landlord, was a Dawg Lover and "worked" on Smokey every time he
came into the Shop ...
Dave would come in, take a few bisquits out of the Cookie Jar, sit down on
the FLOOR, and just *wait* for Smokey to sitck his nose out from behind
the desk or file cabinet he was hiding behind.
Cinder helped - since SHE was in Dave's LAP trying to mooch the bisquits ...
but the combination of soft talk, his being down low and never trying to "touch" Smokey,
eventually won Smokey over. (It took more than 6 MONTHS!)

"JP" needs to arm himself with treats that London *LIKES* ...
then get real comfortable down on the floor - and *wait* for London to approach.

[Vela]

I'd recommend this book/pamphlet The Cautious Canine

I'd also use methods found in The Dog Listener by Jan Fennel. I wonder if they have tried having him just completely ignore the dog for a week or so, no looking at, no talking to, no trying to make friends at all. Sometimes for a fearful dog, this helps them relax and come up on their own and they feel safer and less threatened. If he did this for awhile and then she began cautiously approaching to check him out, I'd still have him ignore her and maybe have her (the owner) toss her a treat when she approached, and gradually move that over to him tossing the treat but not looking at her and ignoring her still. Just continue in this way until she seems comfortable in each situation, i.e. glancing at her and then tossing the treat, waiting till she gets closer, eventually holding out the treat without looking at her until she takes it from his hand, and so on.

I have found with Tasha, who is very suspicious and fearful of men other than my husband, that if I can get them to just ignore her she will relax and approach them after awhile, sniffing. If they turn their attention on her she backs away and gets frightened again. I find that the more they try to coo at her and make friends with her, the more upset and frightened she gets. If they hold out a treat she gets even more suspicious and agitated. It could be his attentions are actually making things worse right now.

The above method is what I'd try in that situation. It will take time and patience but I think it has a high chance of succeeding. Good luck and I hope any of these ideas may help!

I have to agree with k9soul on this one. This method actually worked VERY well for Ginger when she first came to live with me. She was terrifed of men and would run and hide and sometimes pee in fright. She actually kocked the broom over on herself once and she saw my husband with it in his hand, because he picked it up, and she figured for sure he had hit her with it. We used the above method of him ignoring her and pretending she wasn't there and now she will hardly leave him alone. I would stop trying to get him to give her treats, she is obviously so afraid of him that it doesn't matter what he's offering, she won't take it and eat it. A fearful dog doesn't care about treats, they care about getting away from what is scaring them. Please give this a try, I don't want to see you have to rehome London and the treats thing, at this stage, really won't make things better at this stage.

[pitc9]

I bought the pamphlet The Cautious Canine, it has a lot of great things in it. It help to understand the dog and how they react to their own fears.

Have your boyfriend be the #1 provider for the dogs needs; feeding, treats, walks.. etc. EVERYTHING!!! Also have him ignore the dog, like Tanya said, let the dog approach him at her own pace.
It took Buddy 9 months before he would take a treat out of my hubbies hand. Not even a huge chunk of steak would get Buddy to come near him.
I find now that if my hubby is laying on the floor (the leat threating posture) Buddy will come right up to him and let Rick pet him, no closer than an outstreached arm's lenght. But still.. he'll come up to him.
But if Rick moves the slightest bit, Buddy will dart away as far as he can, taking out anyone and anything in his path.
Tell your boyfriend to be cautious if/when he tries to give her treats from his hand, Rick has gotten his fingers Chomped on a few times by Buddy!!
It's a little safer to put the treat in the palm of his hand.
Now that we've gotten a little further with Buddy, Rick is finally able to put a collar and leash on him (it too 2 years for this to happen) Rick and Buddy go for walks/runs together. He'll also put him on a leash and just walk him around the house. Twice now while Rick's had Buddy on a leash in the hose Rick made to sudden of a move that Buddy wasn't expecting and Buddy has pooped himself!
I wouldn't try that just yet with your boyfriend and dog... that's further down the road.
As far as London staying in the bedroom and not comming out, don't let London go IN the bedroom. Close the door and don't give him a place to run to. I did that for a long time with Buddy, he would stay in another room (peaking around the corner keeping an eye on where Rick is at all times) And I would let him do that. Once we met with the behaviorists, they said to block off the room you all are in, and don't let him run away. I did this by using a gate to block off our living room. He would lay right by the gate, but at least he was in the same room with us!
Again, I HIGHLY recomend you 3 meeting with a behaviorist!!
It was the best thing I did!

[Miss Z]

i saw a tv programme on this a while ago, and as harsh as this may sound, you should pay little attention to the dog for a while and let your boyfriend do the things you would usually do. This could make him feel that there are people besides you who can care for him. However if the dog is still scared and refuses to bond with him, don't drag it out too long. It could easily go the other way and make the dog feel like you have also left him.

Hope they get on soon!

[Glacier]

We've had several dogs who were afraid of Stuart when we first got them. What we do is make sure that only good things come from Stuart. He gives them treats, toys, food, ect. Anything good comes from him. He never raises his voice or deals with training/behavior issues. Anything like that comes from me.

Ignoring a shy dog or a fear reaction is highly effective, although a sometimes slow process. I'm still doing it with Sundin, but he's getting closer and closer every day. He's licked my hand a couple times and play bows at me regularly. We never approach or force a timid dog to have contact with us. The dog is allowed to approach us on it's own terms. The only exception is if the dog is injured or sick and we have to intervene somehow.

[OrangeDragoness]

Hey all. I'm the owner of the dog. I thought I'd join after taking alook around here, and I'll do my best to answer all the replys.

4 dog mother:
I wonder what all they have tried.

Everything that is suggested in this thread so far, except for the one about JP kneeling down, and offering a treat without looking at london. BUt I still doubt he'll get that close to him.

Pembroke Corgi
Who feeds London? Maybe JP could try feeding him (if London will let him get that close). Most of the time dogs develop a bond with their primary caretake

I do all the caretaking for London. In order for London to know whos feeding him, wouldn't he have to actually see JP fill his food/water bowl? Cause that wouldn't happen, as London stays on the opposite end of the house that JP is on. He'd never see it.

pitc9, We've tried having JP ignore him. London still dodges him and stays as far away as possible.

jackie
Wow, that sounds like the worse thing that you could do.

My advice is let JP feed him and come along on the walks whenever he can. Cindymom's treat idea sounds really good too. I hope they manage to find a solution soon.

Yeah, it sounded like a good idea at first, but I do think it made things worse.

And I'm not sure that him coming along on walks with us is a good idea either. We tried that once, and because we have a 3 year old daughter, she had to come along too. Well, because London darts away from JP so badly, he nearly got his leash around our daughters neck! I was to afraid to carry on, I didn't want my girl to get hurt.