I fear I lost my creativity!! (update #33, I'm very sad)

[Kirsten]

As some of you may know, I'm posting my pictures at www.fotocommunity.de (http://www.fotocommunity.de), where you can upload photos for discussion. One of the reasons why you post there is to learn from others and get advices or suggestions how to make things better. I always appreciated comments like that, because I want to learn.

But yesterday, it happened to me that a user simply questioned my right to upload my pics. I know, I should just ignore that, but it was hurtful and offensive. Today, I noticed that I don't like to grab my camera and take photos as I usually do at the weekends. That stupid guy really managed that all my creativity has gone!! I'm mad at myself that I allow that idiot to have so much power over me, but you just cannot be creative with these hurtful comments in the back of your mind...

But I'm very sad, especially as taking photos and photoshopping them helped me to find some peace after the horrible time of the burn out syndrome.

Kirsten

[Catty1]

Maybe you should get angry at him in the forum - I am sure some people there must have come to your defense.

How about starting your own forum, that has fewer snobs in it?

HUGS!

Give me an inflatable baseball bat, I'll take care of this idiot! He doesn't know what you have been through.

Better an artist with a heart and talent (you) than another with...oh, Schitz for brains? :D

[Barbara]

Hey Kirsten- go and look at all the pictures you uploaded and read the comments.
Now there is ONE guy who has a different opinion and expresses it in a rude way.
What the heck does that have to do with your creativity?
Everybody here knows that you are among the top 5 photographers at PT (me being at place 2.135... :p ) and one guy disagrees with that. So what!

[lizbud]

But yesterday, it happened to me that a user simply questioned my right to upload my pics. I know, I should just ignore that, but it was hurtful and offensive. Today, I noticed that I don't like to grab my camera and take photos as I usually do at the weekends. That stupid guy really managed that all my creativity has gone!! I'm mad at myself that I allow that idiot to have so much power over me, but you just cannot be creative with these hurtful comments in the back of your mind...

Kirsten


I'm sorry that this jerk hurt your feelings.Maybe he was having a "bad" day himself and wanted to spread it around. I always find a long walk in a quiet
countryside setting makes me feel better & puts things in a different
perspective, :)

[catnapper]

He definately was out of line and wrong! You're photos are always breathtaking and beautifully composed. Ignore him and listen to us! :)

[Randi]

Kirsten, don't let that one guy discourage you. On Forum's like that you'll always get some critical comments, but try not to let it get you down.

Go on, take some photo's! We're many who likes them. :)

[AdoreMyDogs]

Kirsten I have never wanted to buy a photograph so much as when I see your work. If it were for sale and I had money, I would absolutely LOVE to own some of your work and display it proudly in my house. Your work is breathtaking. I'm sorry some jerk tried to get you down, but you are better then him. You have talent AND a kind heart.

[kuhio98]

Awww, Kirsten ~ Just ignore those things. Some people are so small, shallow and insecure that the only power they have in life is to be hurtful. They deserve our pity and prayers. But not our time and energy.

I think of them as energy vampires. They sap the life right out of us -- if you spend too much time with them.

I hope you go out with your camera today and fall in love with photography all over again! You definitely have a talent and a passion for it.

Just one more thing.... Please don't give other people's opinions so much power in your life. I wouldn't bother to respond to this guy because your time is much to valuable. He can't take your creativity away unless you GIVE him that power. Also, I just try to assume that people are innocent of purposely hurting us. It was just an unkind, thoughtless remark.

[Catty1]

...restaurant picture?...

Make money - I bet HE doesn't! :D

[Edwina's Secretary]

Eleanor Roosevelt said it best...."no one can make you feel inferior without your permission...."

[dukedogsmom]

Don't let one person take away all the good compliments you've been getting here and propbably there, too. Just dismiss him as being a jerk and move on. Photography, for me, helps keep me somewhat grounded. Don't let him take your joy of that away from you. Yes, you do, in a way, give them permission to do that. Maybe just put them on here for a while? I think your work is amazing. You could sell lots of them as reprints.

[DJFyrewolf36]

Don't let the opionions of one jerk get you down! Usually with people like that (I've been harassed by a few so and sos on writing forums) I look and see what THEY have posted, which 99 % of the time is absolutely nothing.

Crabby miserable people diserve to be ignored ;) Go out and find joy in what you do, and keep posting! Eventually he'll take the hint that he isn't ruining your day, and go bother someone else!

[joycenalex]

and maybe the QUALITY of/ in your work allowed him to see that yours is superior (maybe to his?) and by "tearing you down" he can feel better. ignore him and realize that many many others know and value your work

[Hellow]

Dont let jerks like that get you down. Go out and take some pictures, we always love them. Go out and have a relaxing walk and take some pictures while your at it! :)

[Lady's Human]

Kirsten, ignore the fool.

I never comment on your pics here, maybe I should. They are always beautiful.

Comments like the ones that you refer to remind me of Mel Brooks' "History of the World Part 1"

One of the scenes opens with someone doing a cave painting, with the narrator making a comment about the evolution of society giving birth to artists. The next line is great....

"Followed by the inevitable afterbirth, the art critic"

[jennielynn1970]

Eleanor Roosevelt said it best...."no one can make you feel inferior without your permission...."

I have that quote posted up at work (middle school). It's very true.

[jennielynn1970]

How do we find yours on that site?? I looked up your first name, but there are many Kirstens... I love your work, so would love to see more!

[anna_66]

Kristen,
It bothers me that anyone would hurt your feelings like this because you probably have more talent in your little finger than he has in his whole body!

Just brush off his nasty remarks and go take some new pictures! I for one would love to see some:)

[Russian Blue]

I know how negative and non-constructive criticism can hurt, but when one posts their work in the public eye you will get all opinions. Constructive, non-constructive, and downright hurtful.

Never, ever, let anyone else's mood or opinion dictate your own. If you are to give up on things you love because of a couple of people's opinions (that you don't even know, I might add), I think it means you really need to focus on strengthening your own opinion of your obvious talent.

Focus on the positive, don't give any energy to the negative. ;)

[rkidsrcats]

Kirsten, you obviously have a good photographic "eye" and as your style develops, it will always be different than someone else's style of taking pictures.

Many a master painter, photographer and artist struggled in their lifetime to be accepted by "the public" only to be elevated to the level of genius by their critics after they were gone. The whole point of art....YOUR artistic vision of art...is to believe in it, develop it to the best of your ability and then let the world see itself through YOUR eyes. Not what you think the world wants you to see, but what you believe is truth and art. It takes a very brave heart to be an artist and to post your work for all the world to view - so be brave and believe in what you see and how you portray it in your photography.

I would give zero weight to the comments of someone on a photo forum who is arrogant enough to say you shouldn't be posting your work. Who died and made them King of the Photography World? Is that the best they can do with their time? While this person is surfing the web, just looking at everyone's photos....you go out and actually MAKE good photos.

[Kalei]

Kirsten, your photos are some of the best photos I have ever seen, and whenever you post them and I see the thread I always make sure to look because I know that whatever I see is going to be breathtaking!

[RICHARD]

People who are jealous, rude or don't have the ability that another has goes about using crtitcism to elevate themselves.

Step over them and keep going. ;)

[lizbud]

Kirsten, you obviously have a good photographic "eye" and as your style develops, it will always be different than someone else's style of taking pictures.

Many a master painter, photographer and artist struggled in their lifetime to be accepted by "the public" only to be elevated to the level of genius by their critics after they were gone. The whole point of art....YOUR artistic vision of art...is to believe in it, develop it to the best of your ability and then let the world see itself through YOUR eyes. Not what you think the world wants you to see, but what you believe is truth and art. It takes a very brave heart to be an artist and to post your work for all the world to view - so be brave and believe in what you see and how you portray it in your photography.

I would give zero weight to the comments of someone on a photo forum who is arrogant enough to say you shouldn't be posting your work. Who died and made them King of the Photography World? Is that the best they can do with their time? While this person is surfing the web, just looking at everyone's photos....you go out and actually MAKE good photos.



Kirsten, I hope you can take this to heart. It's soooo true. :)

[Kirsten]

I thank you all for your kind and encouraging words. I would have replied earlier if I didn't have suffered from a bad attack of migraine today. :(

Many things you have said are true, and I'm angry at myself that I allowed that guy to hurt me that much. I think the problem is that I do NOT believe in myself, and now there's this doubt that will be in a corner of my mind when I try to create a picture.

It IS true that the last picture I posted there (the one that made him to make that comment, but not about that picture itself, but my entire work) is not good, a part of it is pale and not fitting in, but how obvious this becomes depends on the monitor you use. A friend of mine looked at it on two different monitors, and she said on the one with a brighter screen it looked badly done, but on the one with a darker screen it looked okay. My monitor is also pretty dark, so the problem didn't look that bad to me, but meanwhile I can imagine how it must look on a monitor with more brightness.

Well, those who would like to see the photos I posted there, you can look here (http://www.fotocommunity.de/pc/pc/mypics/420568)!


BTW, I actually took some photos today, but not of landscapes (I don't like to do that atm) but of my parents' cat Dino. I may post them in Cat General tomorrow, but it will definitely take a while before I publish anything on fotocommunity!

Kirsten

[Zippy]

Are kidding you are a wonderful photographer.I love seeing your pictures and that guy is just jealous. :D

[phesina]

Kirsten, these are all beautiful. They're exquisite. You have taken such care with them. They are beautifully composed and created.

What was that German expression (something about or involving a goat, as I recall) for someone who is a major annoyance or pest or troublemaker? You and Barbara used it a while back in one of the Cats discussions in reference to some woman who was a bad neighbor or troublemaker or otherwise unpleasant to contend with.

That's what that guy is who issued his Papal Bull (or just Bull) on the quality of your work.

Keep on shooting! We all love your work here. You are a gifted artist.

Pat

[Kirsten]

phesina, the German expression was "dumme Ziege" (stupid goat), but you say this only when you refer to women. To label that guy, I would simply call him "Arschloch" (asshole), because that's what he is. (Pardon my language, Karen! :o)

Kirsten

[phesina]

All right then, Arschloch he is!

Pat

[Catty1]

I think scheisekopf would be better! :p (pardon the spelling!)

Kirsten - I sense you didn't lose your creativity - you became afraid of it! The creativity is a lovely child that will have a tantrum if you ignore it(migraine?) - it needs you!

Embrace and love that little wunderkind again! :)

[Kirsten]

I think scheisekopf would be better! (pardon the spelling!)


LOL! :D



Kirsten - I sense you didn't lose your creativity - you became afraid of it! The creativity is a lovely child that will have a tantrum if you ignore it(migraine?) - it needs you!


Oh, you described that wonderfully! I think you made a very good point here. But I don't think the migraine comes from that. I have it almost every weekend these days, guess it's somewhat work-related as I didn't have any attacks when I was on sick leave...

Kirsten

[joycenalex]

kirsten, i get migranes sometimes, but to have them most weekends would be horrid! are you taking feverfew or extra b vits?

[cassiesmom]

Fotografierer Kirsten! I always enjoy seeing your photos - your landscapes and the photos of your precious cats. You are so brave to post your photos on this site for all the world to view and write comments. So, I agree with Richard - step over the stupid billy goat and keep going. If it gives you joy and satisfaction, then it is worth it. I love your photographs.

[Kirsten]

Now that guy made a final post to my thread and said he's happy that with his question he made me realize that my photos are not for the public!!! I know it might be ridiculous, but seldom before in my life I felt so humiliated, and so hurt. He's using words as a weapon, and it's an art form he has perfected. I wish you all would be able to read German, so you could see what he did to me.

Taking photographs is almost an addiction to me, but now I don't think I can ever do it again with joy. That guy really doesn't know what he did to me, working on these pictures was supposed to be the way back to my inner self after the burn out. Now I'm feeling totally lost, almost amputated. I think I'm going to delete my fotocommunity account the next days... :(

Kirsten

[Cataholic]

There are times we ALL lose our focus, and stop relying or counting on our own inner meter for worth. This is exactly what you are doing now. You, for some reason, have lost your sense of inner value, and are allowing outside forces to dictate it. THAT is your issue, not some total stranger simply trying to get your goat. That man is simply the fallout from your problem.

The way people treat you is a reflection of THEM, not you, Kirsten. This guy's posts are not about YOU, they are about him, and where he is in his life.

You will never be able to stop the way someone treats you, posts about you, thinks about you. Never. Not by defending yourself, not by attacking him, not by ignoring him, even. The ONLY thing you can do is change YOU, the way you react, the way you think, the way you act.

Change you. That is the only thing you can do.

AND, think on this: for YEARS we have complimented you on your photos. We have constantly and consistently raved about the beauty, the integrity, the artform, etc. You know this. So, W.H.Y. is one stranger's comment so completely more powerful than all of ours? That, alone, should make you recognize this guy is simply out to get you.

Then, and finally (lol, about time, right?), who gives a rat's ass what someone else thinks of your photography? LORDIE! If I only did things that others found valuable, I would have alot of spare time on my hands.

Shake it off, and move on.

[Alysser]

Then, and finally (lol, about time, right?), who gives a rat's ass what someone else thinks of your photography?

I agree. This guy sounds like a real low-life jack A$$. If I took to heart how many times my photography was made fun of, called horrid, etc. I would have quit a long time ago. By quitting this website, you're just letting this low life creep win. He's trying to make you do that.

[Randi]

OK Kirsten, I know you're feeling down about this, but as Cataholic says, I think the other problems you have, are very much part of this. You need to believe in yourself and not let one person get you down because of some negative comments. Every one gets them now and again. ;)

Is the board for Pro's only? Did he say why your photo's didn't belong there? Confront him directly on the board and ask.

[Kirsten]

I know that Johanna is right, that is has a lot to do with how I feel about myself, insecure and defensive. And yet I never minded critics on my work, it was even welcome because I wanted to learn. But what that guy did was destructive, and he meant it that way.

Randi, it's not a pro board, even though many pros are there. I cannot compare my work to theirs, it's another league. But there are many hobby photographers also, and we learn from each other. Many people there complimented my photos, and many others criticized them and made suggestions how to improve things, which is helpful and welcome.

That guy didn't do any of that, he just questioned my right to publish photos because my "idea of the picture" is wrong, whatever that means. And believe me, that guy is far from being a pro, he's not even photographing. He has a few photos uploaded taken with a disposable camera, and he said he only uploaded them to provoke and to proof that you can do a better work with a simple tool than with a hightech camera. But his photos are crap; honestly, I made better photos with my little pocket camera when I was only 9 years old!

But that doesn't matter. When someone's commenting his pictures, he's just arrogant and humiliates those who made the comments. Calls them too stupid to understand the message. He did the same with those who came to my defence. The more they said, the more he found words to hurt me (and others, some got email from him in which he humiliated their work also). And he did that in a very subtle, yet effective way. It's a scary thought that people like that live in this planet.

Kirsten

[DJFyrewolf36]

This guy sounds like he needs a healthy E-slap ;)

Honestly though, it sounds like he is a pest to the whole community and if he really isnt contributing in a postive manner then he shouldn't really be there. Could you possilby PM others that have dealt with him and PM the moderator with your case?

Trolls like that should just stay in a hole IMO.

[Kirsten]

I already pm'ed the moderators. And they replied they won't do anything about it because there's no censorship.

Kirsten

[Randi]

...he said he only uploaded them to provoke and to proof that you can do a better work with a simple tool than with a hightech camera.
LOL! This comment says it all - he doesn't have the faintest idea about real photography! Consider him a troll and ignore him! You know the saying: Don't feed trolls! ;)

[DJFyrewolf36]

Sigh...some moderators :p


I find that a lot of forum mods are that way, mostly because they simply don't have the time/disire to deal with people arguing. Karen is honestly one of the very few forum mods I've encountered that will step in and tell someone they are being rude when they are being rude (A quality I very much respect, actually)

My husband always says the internet is destroying the lines of curtesy because you can say things that are hurtfull without the fear of getting your arse kicked. For whatever reason, this guy has a chip on his shoulder. I wonder if he is as rude in real life? I believe very strongly in karma, and someday his miserable ways will catch up with him.

Is there an ignore feature? Maybe organize a forum-wide ignore :D Trolls tend to wander off if no one is acknowledging them.

[Cataholic]

Kirsten,
Please do not think I am being harsh with you, but, I want to make a very specific point about this situation. Several of us have indicated that this guy isn't the issue...your reaction to the situation is the issue. You seem to agree with this, largely. BUT, you then go on about how others are reacting, how you have pm'd someone to address it, how he does this to other people, also, etc.

You are keeping yourself embroiled in the mess, thinking/hoping that something you do or don't do will somehow alter this guy's behaviour. It won't, as first, you have no control over his behaviour. Second, it isn't his behaviour that is the problem, but, your reaction to it.

You only have control over YOU, and YOUR reactions. Change you or your reaction, which doesn't involve anyone's effort or involvment other than your own.

You can email the world, complaining about his behaviour. Won't change "it", though.

You can get him kicked off the board. Won't change "it", as another will come along.

You can have other's write in on your behalf. Won't change "it", though.

You are in a circle of somehow attempting to negate HIM, his behaviours...in an effort to feel better about yourself. You can't EVER get the first part done, so, you won't ever find a way to feel better about yourself on that course.

You must change you.

This might be one of the areas most frustrating for me when dealing with people.....they are trying to change someone else to make themselves feel better about themselves.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Ignore him! Your pictures are fantastic and give you and us a lot of pleasure!!!

[Pawsitive Thinking]

I already pm'ed the moderators. And they replied they won't do anything about it because there's no censorship.

Kirsten


So how do we go about getting on there and giving him what for???

[Pembroke_Corgi]

You take absolutely beautiful pictures! I am always impressed by how lovely your shots are, and you live in such a beautiful country it would be shame to waste your talent!

I know it's hard, but please just try to ignore this person if he is doing you so much harm- like others have said and I'm sure you know, his opinion is worthless. Listen instead to all the people who enjoy seeing your pictures and can appreciate them.

I have a tendency to take things personally sometimes- I don't mean to, but sometimes a harsh word like that can really get me down too. So I can understand how you feel all too well. But please don't let one person destroy something that means so much to you. Just try to think about how taking pictures makes you feel, and don't worry about what other's think, especially someone who is most likely just trying to cause negativity.

[Kirsten]

So how do we go about getting on there and giving him what for???


Thanks, but believe me, that won't help either.

BTW, Johanna is absolutely right with everything she said. I'm not able to fight my wars alone, I'm not able to fight at all. This has always been my problem, I've always been the one that's been mobbed. In Kindergarten, at school, in my jobs... always. People like that guy have the ability to find those they can hurt most - and then they would do it. Well, yes, maybe there's something like karma and they'll get a payback in some way, sooner or later. But it's probably my karma to take such crap.

But it's also true that I should try to change. Just don't know how.

Kirsten

[Catty1]

Kirsten, if you have been like this all your life, it will take some professional assistance to change.

If counselling costs money, you can check with rehab centres for groups that deal with adults who came from dysfunctional homes.

Have a look here and see if it fits, ok? :)

http://www.nacoa.de/

HUGS!

(PS - if your photo board does have an Ignore feature, use it! :p )

[RICHARD]

Here's the last answer....

When he ridicules someone or you for not understanding his "work", politely post this,

Gosh, your work is sooooo good!
Why are you posting on an "amateur" site?
I am printing out some of your work because I need wallpaper in my home.


About the high tech camera...

You are giving hope to the people who cannot afford or understand how to use technology in photography. There is room for dinosaurs in the world!

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Well, we all think you are great and you should too!!!

[DJFyrewolf36]

Here's the last answer....

When he ridicules someone or you for not understanding his "work", politely post this,

Gosh, your work is sooooo good!
Why are you posting on an "amateur" site?
I am printing out some of your work because I need wallpaper in my home.


About the high tech camera...

You are giving hope to the people who cannot afford or understand how to use technology in photography. There is room for dinosaurs in the world!

LOL this approach works too :D

[Kirsten]

You know what? I think I'll soon be going back there, and yes, the board HAS an ignore fuction which I will use for that guy. But I won't do anymore landscapes in the near future. They are really ruined for me.

I thank you all for your support here. I know it took me a while, but I'm slowly getting more angry about the whole thing now, instead of feeling bad. Guess that's a healthier reaction to it! :D

Kirsten

[Barbara]

Makes me happy to hear you're angry. :) This guy has problems- and of course a little instinct lets him pick on somebody who responds.
Kirsten what he says has nothing to do with you or your photography and I hope to see more of your clear and magic landscapes in the future.

[jennielynn1970]

Now that guy made a final post to my thread and said he's happy that with his question he made me realize that my photos are not for the public!!!

Taking photographs is almost an addiction to me, but now I don't think I can ever do it again with joy. That guy really doesn't know what he did to me, working on these pictures was supposed to be the way back to my inner self after the burn out. Now I'm feeling totally lost, almost amputated. I think I'm going to delete my fotocommunity account the next days... :(

Kirsten

Kirsten, I don't know who the jerk is who is saying these things, but believe me, as one of the members of the "public", I get tremendous joy viewing your photos!! I even passed on the link to my mother who lived in Germany for a while, and to have her send to our one relative who lives in Germany now and also take wonderful photos and is an artist like you are.

You have a wonderful gift. If this guy is that unhappy with himself and his life, then he needs to just go away and be alone. Let him be an ogre all by himself. Do not play into his games. He wants you to feel badly, and if you delete your account, he has won his game. That's all this is to him, a game. Do not give in to him.

You use poetry a lot in your posts on the photo community, so here is one for you now:

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

by Dylan Thomas

It may be about death, but you are experience what you feel is the death of your creativity and I just think you need to fight that, and fight against letting that man win.... Rage against it, Kirsten! ;)

[phesina]

Dear Kirsten, so Mr. Arschloch/Scheisskopf has struck again. I was going to ask what kinds of photographs this guy thinks ARE good and does he have any talent or artistic or commercial renown as a photographer himself. But after your recent messages, I realized that he is NOTHING BUT a vulture and a troll. It doesn't even sound as though he has any interest, let alone ability, in doing photography well himself. His one talent (if that is the word I want) is that he is able to pinpoint someone's vulnerabilities and attack that person viciously right there.

We all tell you what a gifted photographer you are, and any of us on PT may or may not know much about photography. (We know what we like, though!) You say people in the photo forum compliment your pictures or give you constructive criticism, so you are also being told by people who DO know and care a lot about photography that they regard you as one of them and your efforts are appreciated and encouraged.

Put the "ignore" function on for that stupid billy goat, keep on getting angry at him (rage, rage!), and go back to making your beautiful photographs. And I hope you will feel like doing landscapes again, because the ones you've shared with us are breathtaking.

Hugs,
Pat