It happened again... :(

[Karen]

How would you get to work if your mother couldn't take you? Can you ride your bike there? Or catch a ride with someone else? Could your Dad take you?

Unfortunately as you are under 18, you might need parental approval to get a debit card/bank card. Try to talk to your Dad about him helping you set up an account.

Do NOT use profanity on Pet Talk.

Pick a day and a time to stand up to your mom. Don't wait for it to happen again, be proactive. Write yourself a "speech" if you have to. Tell her that you are sorry that she is always short of money, suggest she make herself a budget within HER OWN means, and stick to it. Tell her, by the way, she could save a lot of money if she quit smoking, and THAT could help her money problems. (I know that bothers you, as it would any daughter who cares about a parent.)

Explain that your are trying to become a fiscally responsible person, and trying to save money for college, or for the time when you will move out. She will need to do without your money very soon anyway, as you are nearing adulthood.

Are her parents available to talk to? Maybe they could help you talk to her.

[NoahsMommy]

I think talking to her would be a good idea, but you'll have to use reverse psychology.

Do like Karen suggested and say you're planning on saving your $$ for college and ask her opinion on how she'd do it if it were her. Ask if she can help you open a bank acount like a CD where you CAN'T take the money out.

I think that if she saw your $$ was going to a savings for your future, she'd have a harder time demanding it each time she wants cigarettes.

[carole]

Megan are you still at school and only working part time, if you have left school and work full time, then you should be expected to pay board as we call it here in NZ, at least your share of the food money, just curious as I am not sure on these details.

Don't keep berating yourself for failing to stand up to her, you will find the strength and courage one day to do so, and from that day on I would hope things will take a change in the right direction.

your mother is not stupid, she makes sure she chooses a time when it is difficult for you to say NO.

If you seriously want things to change, only you can do the changing by standing up to her once and for all,until you do that, she will continue to maniuplate you, in a way you are enabling her to continue to do this to you.

I know this is Huge thing for you to undertake, but hopefully there will come a time when you will say to yourself ENOUGH is ENOUGH, I wish you well and hope the time will come sooner rather than later. HUGS.

[sandragonfly]

abby,

if you don't want to share your money, DO something!! speak back or walk away.

and if your friends are your true friends, they WILL stick with you after.

continue doing this by so will only encourage her nag you more.

sorry I'm upset about this but this gotta stop, period. I've seen your other thread about 10 dollars...you can't be scared anymore. we are all here for you, there's about over 20 of us here suggesting you the same action over your mother, now why should you be scared?

I don't think credit/debit cards will do different because she may say "swipe your card now!" ...and I wish you did say NO. and see if your mother would slap you in front of everyone.. hope this thread will finally put some confidence in you, and do it! no more craps for you. please let your father help you.

(..hope "crap" isn't a proffy? if so, sorry!)

[carole]

I must add Megan , that I agree with Gina's Ark and other's who have said to you to let your father help, if you cannot deal with this situation and it appears you cannot, please engage your father's support and help,he sounds a really good guy and I am sure when he understands how much this is hurting you, he will step in and help you put a stop to it for good, even if he does help you, I still think the initial NO has to come from you, so your mother knows you mean business, maybe you would risk getting a slapping, but i doubt whether your mother would do that in public either.

[Luvin Labs]

Originally posted by carole
I must add Megan , that I agree with Gina's Ark and other's who have said to you to let your father help, if you cannot deal with this situation and it appears you cannot, please engage your father's support and help,he sounds a really good guy and I am sure when he understands how much this is hurting you, he will step in and help you put a stop to it for good, even if he does help you, I still think the initial NO has to come from you, so your mother knows you mean business, maybe you would risk getting a slapping, but i doubt whether your mother would do that in public either.

Ditto here! Like I said in the other post, you don't even have to talk to her about leaving, just leave her a note and leave! There might be an eventual confrontation, but hopefully by that time you will be encouraged by your dad enough and encouraged by us and your other friends enough to put your foot down and tell her NO. And your true friends will be your friends no matter what, even if she yells at you in front of them. They'll see her for what she is and is doing to you and will support you as we at PT have! We are all here for you, take courage in that!