Jess,
During most people's lives, something happens to them that changes them forever, sometimes good, sometimes bad. I think this situation with Max is the one for you. I hope and pray that you are somehow comforted by knowing so many people here care for you and about you. I can't imagine the pain you must feel, not only over the loss of Max, but, also how it happened. Sometimes when we are younger we find ourselves in situations over which we have no control. Just know that as you become more independent, and don't have to rely on other people for your survival, you can then surround yourself with people just like you- loving, caring, intelligent, feeling, and worthy of your respect. Just hang in there, things do get better in time.
Johanna