welcome to winterskiss! It is very hard losing a beloved pet, a member of your family. Keeping a stiff upper lip usually works best when you keep busy, but take a break or have a lull and it is hard to control the tears and the feelings. We, ALL, here at PT know this sorrow and can sympathise with you. And it will get easier, but don't feel guilt over your emotions even when others do not understand. And I think you can papmer your other kitty without her becoming spoiled, after all, she is grieving too.