**NEWSFLASH**

Disgruntled housewife, Mini Star charged with consipiracy to murder!

The dazzling Mr. Gar Land now lies in the bottom of the garbage can -- shining now for only the potatoe peelings and empty cream-of-mushroom soup cans. And just how did this all come about?

"Oh that Gar, he ALWAYS had a thing for the ladies... had them wrapped around his conniving body! Oh yes, a regular little pervert--why he'd sometimes sneak a peak at the ladies slipping on their christmas stockings!" commented Peaceonna Earth, the mother of Orna Mentball. "Now, I don't mean to tell tales but that Gar... ohhh... he had it out for Orna's wife. And, to tell you the truth, I do believe Orna's marriage grew dim b/c of that Gar. And that pooorrr Mini Star. I don't know how she stood her hubby's string of lies. It's no wonder that Mini hired a hitcat!"

That's right. A hitcat. A hitcat with no heart. Mr. Gar Land was shredded. According to Peaceonna, "It looked like one of those medieval racks were used... it was horrible! Just bits and pieces of Gar Land EVERYWHERE!"

At this time, Mini Star is in the interrogation process. Sources say she is acting extremely catty and uncooperative.

Mini Star-Land's children were picked up by Rub Berm Aid, assistant manager of Attic Storage, Inc. as well as mentor for the Upward Bound program. Mr. Aid declined to comment on the specifics of the Star-Land children, though he did state, "Their closeness is remarkable; hasn't diminished a bit. All are bright, wishful, and shooting for that moment they may be rejoined with their mother. I do not foresee any cause that the Stars will fall."

Details on the actual hitcat are vague. Sources believe there is a connection to the culpcat in the Orna Mentball case. However, that link has not yet been proven.