I am so sorry to read Tiger's story. It has made me cry for all the kitties I've wanted to help, offered to help even, at the shelter where I volunteer. I, too, see the sweet kitty behind the wide-eyed fright. I see the very tiny response to a kind word spoken softly. I feel the lean from the head when I put my hand against a furry cheek. There aren't enough of us to facilitate change as quickly as it's needed, but each time I find an empty cage, I feel the same sense of failure. It's disheartening to know a cat was killed because it didn't use the litter box, even though the box had just a dusting of litter, and the cage is so small, the cat can barely turn around. Or the litter of kittens killed because "they weren't thriving." They weren't sick, they had reached 2 pounds but didn't gain much weight after that. Why not try foster? Then there are the "bite-hold" cats who pay with their lives for nipping out at a stranger when they're scared to death, grabbed from a carrier and tossed into a cage smelling of bleach and detergent. It's also tough when you tell someone that a cat isn't eating (full dish, no poop), and they just shrug and say, "You can't save them all." Maybe not, but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try my best to help them through their issues and help them find their forever home. At the very least, I would be remiss if I didn't point out a problem.
As a volunteer, I can only do as much as they will allow, just as you tried to do for Angel. She knew you cared for her, and she sensed the love you gave her. I hate sad endings, especially when they don't have to be that way. You were speaking her name without knowing that she would soon be an angel. I don't know why decisions like these are made when people are willing to help (we not only open our home to fosters, we pay for everything the cat needs while in our care), and I don't know how to fix it. There is always going to be another Angel who needs your help. I pray that the next time, someone listens and takes you up on your offer.
Please don't blame yourself...you didn't fail her. The "system" did and we have to keep working to change it so there are no more Angels that weren't given a chance to thrive in the right environment.
Rest in peace, Tiger, now that you are an Angel. Play gently with our kitties who
have gone before us until that one fine day when your elderly owner comes for
you...and then the two of you can greet Catty1 on yet another fine day!
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