So, why am I still single?

[RICHARD]

Ok mate, I've dissected it for you.

Firstly, you have to get rid of those nose and nipple rings, the stud through your tongue has got to go to.
Then you will need to shave your chest (that will make it easier to blot out the nude cowgirl tattoo with a bit of body colour).

I have to tell you...

I think I am the orginal "Mexican Hairless"

http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/xoloitzcuintle.htm

I'll work on the rest, later!