Thank you all for your words of comfort. I am writing this at work just before I get off because I know this is going to be hard for me and I didn't want to lose it at work when I was jsut starting my shift. Yesterday afternoon I went to Michael's Crafts and bought the molding clay that I get to makw paw rints when one of my babies dies. I also went to the dollar store to get little plastic storage containers to put the impressions in. I was very nervous driving to the vet because I knew how hard it would be to see my little Ivy boy again. One of the guys that works there saw me and started to joke around with me. We always tease each other when I am there. he asked what was wrong when I didn't tease back. I said Ivy died and he said he was sorry. i told him that I was here to get paw prints. He immediately got me a room and had someone bring Ivy out to me. The girl that brought Ivy out was a girl that has worked there a very long time and that I knew and had gone through other losses with me. Ivy was her favorite of mine. She use to give him baths when he went in for them. she always said what a good boy he was. Everyone there loved Ivy because he was such a sweetheart and gave you kisses on the lips. They always said how much Ivy loved me. As soon as I saw him again I broke down all over again. I was so glad it was Amanda that brought him to me. I cried and cried , she gave me a hug and we talked about Ivy. Ivy would have been 14 in October. She told me that Ivy had lived a very long life for a FIV+ cat that most the ones that come in there to the vet don't last more than 5 or 6 years and then it hits them and they get sick. She said I loved Ivy so much and took such good care of him that he was lucky enough to live as long as he did. I said that it still wasn't enough time with him. She asked if I needed any help with making the impressions. or if I needed anything. I told her no. She left me alone with him and I just cried and cried as I made all my little paw prints. I had gotten two different colors white and black. Ivy was a black cat but he was even special in that his undercoat was white. That is why I chose those two colors. I had never seen a cat with a coat like his. Each and every impression came out pefect, and even the ink ones I did the day before were perfect. Usually they don't come out as good as they did. Ivy was truly a perfect cat, a dream come true and so he couldn't make anything other than perfect paw prints for me. Amanda said it was Ivy's last gift to me. I shaped some of them in a heart shape and one in a cat head shape. When I was finished I cradled him in my arms and held him and told him how much I loved him and how much I missed him. I wanted so badly for him to just wake up and everything be ok. Why couldn't God do this one thing for me. I still can't believe Ivy is gone. When a lady came to take him i didn't want to give him to her. I asked for Amanda. She came in and I told Amanda that I didn't want to let him go. I wanted him back. I held him in my arms. i just couldn't give my little Ivy boy up. I just couldn't let go of him. I wanted to keep him forever. Why did he have to leave me? Amanda talked to me some more. She told me that she was the supervisor in the back that night and she would personally take care of him and his cremation. I didn't want anyone else to do it. I couldn't give him back. I told Amanda when I got his ashes this would be the very first time That Ivy would get to come home and live with me. he always had to live with my friend and I had wished so much that he could have been with me the 13 years. I jsut am so lost. I want him back so much. I loved that little Ivy boy moer than anything.
Melissa