I understand very well how you feel!! Years ago I made a thread where I told how my parents turned a sad X-mas into a beautiful family get-together. For those who don't remember, here it is once more:

How my parents turned a sad X-mas into a beautiful festive family get-together.
In december 1951 my oldest little brother Christian died in a terrible accident. His little body was burned in 4th degree on 2/3 of his little body. He died after 3 days of suffering, during Christmas night
Every year the X-mas period was full of sorrow and grief.
Untill one year, they had 3 more kids by then, they decided that it was time to turn X-mas into what it should be: a family get-together, a joyful period.
Since then, we had a Christmas tree every year, X-mas decorations all over the house, midnight Mass, etc... . They learned what the true spirit of Christmas was!!
Every Christmas Evening we always come together, have a festive family dinner, lots of pressies under the tree, carols, etc.. !Every year we have our "Christian moment", where dad or mom tells about our little brother. There are tears everytime, but they are always followed by tears of joy and happiness.
I am so very grateful to my parents for learning us how to give a sad event a meaningful one. .