When family attacks/elder care and sibs rant.

[sasvermont]

Richard, I feel your pain. I have been responsible for my Mom for years. I won't go in to the details beyond the fact that I know it is stressful, at best.

My Mom is now in an assisted living situation and it is much easier on me and much better for her. I know that everyone thinks it's better to be at home, with "loved ones" when you are older, but that is not always the best arrangement. My Mom has great care now and is constantly around caretakers and other older ladies. When she was at home with me, I went to work each day, leaving her alone and then would struggle to take care of her needs in the evening.

I did get the local agency on aging involved with my Mom since if something happened to me, she would be on her own! The process was filled with copies of documents, and they must be updated each year. I am her advocate and no longer her caretaker...... I have the power to write checks out of her bank to pay for her care etc. There is not much left over after all her bills for care and medications, but that's all she needs at this point.

I know it may seem like this is never ending....I still feel this way from time to time. I didn't sign up for this, but that is the way life is sometimes.

You are not alone with this struggle if you get some help with her. There are a few agency in nearly every community. They see cases like yours and your Mom's, all the time.

I have an older sister who has her own struggles these days, and she wants absolutely nothing to do with my Mom. So it all rests on my shoulders.

The caretakers often comment about my Mom and how nice she is ..... and it makes me feel guilty about having her there. Deep down in my heart, I know she is safer and more socialized in the assisted living place.

Good luck. Chin up. Ask for help from the agencies, if you can.

Fondly,
SAS

[moosmom]

I feel your pain, big guy. I got stuck caring for my Dad who drank 24/7 and keeping a job as a paralegal. It's tough. I have one brother. I called him many times after he told me to call him if I needed anything. Those were only words and that's all he ever gave me were words. I did everything for my father for 2 1/2 years. I was as resentful of him as you are to your siblings, RICHARD. If you ever feel like talking, I'll email you with my cellphone. I've got a new plan where I can call anywhere, anytime and talk for as long as I want.