When family attacks/elder care and sibs rant.

[RICHARD]

part two.

After my older sis ran mom's credit reports she gave the note to my brother and my brother -who cannot stand my younger sister- came to my house and started to scream at me about what "I was going to do about the bills!"

I told him I could pull out the money from an excretory orifice and pay them off and that proceeded to make him tell louder.....You don't care! You aren't doing anything about it!

Every money problem is attributed, in his mind to my little sister. Another snake in the grass, So he accuses me of standing by and letting my little sister
take over the houses and putting him and I out into the streets.,

Besides the close quarter fighting, every day I hear about people(family) who are taking forms for my mom to fill out, detectives visiting the facility where my mom is staying to check out why my mom waited for care...more drama than an afternoon soap opera,

After the fight where I was accused of not 'doing anything' I called my older sister to ask her why she told my mom about the bills and why she gave the numbers to my younger brother. I didn't bother to tell her that she might have talked to me before she presented the numbers to my mom-when I gave her my mom's social security number I hoped that she'd do that part and get back to me.

NOPE. She went ahead straight to my mom's bedside to tell her about the bills and how much they were and god know what else.

She stopped last friday and wanted to talk to me. I invited her into the yard and the house and she declined. She then stood at the gate and told me-
She'd make sure that the houses went -whoosh-making a motion meaning that they would be sold and both me and my brother would be "out".

I told her to step up and start to care for mom-That I had done my turn and I was tired.

She replied that if "Mom has to come home, I'll take her to my house!"

She then accused me of being drunk and told me that she knew that I had "beat up mom" because mom had told her.


Dude,
I almost went out there and kicked the living shiat out of her. I didn't make a scene but i stayed in the yard and told her that she had some balls to make a statement like that.

Later she told my brother and SIL that she said that to get me mad.


It's alway been my contention that mom was first, money was later. No one wants to accept that fact. When she said that she'd take care of getting a lawyer i was surprised. She then gave the contact info to my SIL so she could make arrangements.

We consulted a lawyer today and he gave us the price, half now, half later.
My brother blew up when he began to spend some of the money that will come into the household at the first of the month and I told him to wait and see what my dear old sister would do to help.

When I called her to explain what was going to do to help she just kept saying, "O.K., O.K." I explained to her that she did say that she'd get the lawyer and that I was asking for her her help because she offered it. She hesitated then had to say "EVERYONE has to help!" I again told her that I wasn't working and I could hear the gears grinding where she was trying to figure out where reverse was.

UH, she neglected to tell me that she was going on vacation again with her AH husband, the former cop and king of all he surveys.....He was the reason that my sister borrowed money from my mom to give to my nephew. It wasn't his kid so he wasn't going to help with that mess.


ANother breath!?!

[RICHARD]

LOL, I am jumping around here-
I forgot to mention that the tenuous situation between my younger sis and bro are the result of him always blaming everything on her.

During the convo I had with sis about the bills I mentioned to her that we should wait and see before we blamed anything on anyone. I told her it might be mom's bills, a credit fraud or indeed, my younger sister.

She blew up at me and said that I was on D's side about this. My sisters aren't the best people on the planet but I'd like to afford them the benefit of a doubt. I have always tried to do that and I was roundly castigated for it.

At the gate when she came over I did make it a point to mention that the only things that her and my brother were interested in was the money and not mom's health. She didn't do jack to help out with the arrangements or gave me a call during the time she was on vacation.

I also mentioned that her vacations were more important that her mother was.

That sent her into a tizzy and she announced that she wasn't going to stand there and listen to me.........The truth has a way to make your knees buckle and head spin, no?

Ugh, i know that there are many more miles to travel on this road and know that I do have the patience to make it thru. It's the way that people act that supremely puzzles me.


----------

On the way home today I did smack my brother on the back of the head because he made a statement to me.

He said, 'We always have to do things your way because you are perfect!'

I told him that it was better than having to go back and do them again. I understand what we are all going thru at the moment. He's just as hurt and confused as everyone else...But, I just don't understand why I have to be everyone's punching bag....


LOL, I didn't mention my other brother and how he almost had an aneurysm because the hospital would not tell him about mom's transfer.

I can't be making phones calls to everyone about what they need to do or ask them for favors. They all have wives/husbands that screen the calls, think that they should have input or a say in what happend,

I welcome their help and guidance, but they figure that the few good things they did a few years ago should cover them from extending a helping hand today. So, that covers them on the road of good intentions.



I am holding auditions for a new family soon!

[kuhio98]

Richard ~ I'm so sorry. The last thing your Mom needs right now is to see how fractured the family has become. I know you've tried to protect your Mom as much as possible. I could just kick your sister for going to her and bothering her with this right now.

Is there an elder care/advocacy program that could advise you? I know nothing about this kind of thing, but I was wondering if an unpartial, thirdy party would be best to handle this for you. I'm sure it would cost something, but you could turn over all that crap to them. Let them field the nasty phone calls, etc. While you spend quality time with your Mom.