Soo Looking Furrward to Surgery!! [GOING Home..]

[sandragonfly]

I had to come back and read all posts again, THANKYOU. love loved all the pictures too.

I guess I was not the girl everyone talks about here because this is my first disaster that I had NO control over my body - pretty much immobilized - with my constant injured knee and as much as I promised myself to heal the best, I don't and didn't fight back.. or else I would have had done a lot more tendon damages. no one speaks my language, nor lives at least by my culture here - totally stressed and exhausted to see which path I should turn onto. the room now I see and writing my book..

can I vent just a little here? I was suppose to be staying at my (arrested and now deceased) friend's, but then ended up winding with my (suicidal and missing) friend and lost ark. the following week, half of my money was stolen which we're still working on - I barely could live off on food or gas and got in the worst accident. most important part of this road trip - my car, thunder was considered "totalled" for a week, took a month to repair - during that, we stuck out in country far away from camping sites/friends we didn't had chance to visit. for my cats' sake and had an unexpected surgery.. here, you know the rest after. and last recently what had stomped me in the deepest hole that two of my closest friends who finally "dumped" on me because things and I as a friend were too stressful for them.

I never really believe this quote, you're never alone. I am all I really have. for going through so much, too much for them, living like I have eight lives, handling different worlds.. but some of you are right, I shouldn't be digging anymore.. hopes aren't down there, the miraculous "treasures" should be out there and some blessings to carry on while I move ahead.. things happen.

as of today, I only can walk, bearing 30% of weight. with pressure (near to serve) pain, they wouldn't give me stronger killers - because of high pain tolerance. sigh, hematoma takes forever. my school starts on the third of september and if I don't get back in time, I'll lose my dream job. for good. very stressful.

this summer adventure just didn't went the way we expected it to be and I miss my ark dearly. I didn't want to believe that it almost has been a month I haven't thought, heard or saw a name of my cats.. when I think of them, I get anxious, worried and heartbroken easily. I can't, and thinking of myself before them for first time ever was the biggest change for me too.

this is why I am especially dragged and lost today. always on-going and on-going ... as I have always thank you everyone for dear words and everything you could spare and share. sometimes there is a time where you need reminders of love and take the bad with the good even when it's so painful. I'll need to keep remembering that .. okay, I should stop for now.

((((thank you all again)))) and hugs! I hope you won't stop talking too, not until I get out of here. it's so lonely here - I wish the coverage is good around here so I'd be able to respond and talk through all my PMs too. soon I hope, I'm still working on getting out of here. and am taking my killers every couple hours. I don't know why I listened to them.