How Do You Handle This?

**CathyBogart** · 03-09-2007, 10:22 PM

I hold grudges...and I can tell you, that is not the way to go.

**caseysmom** · 03-09-2007, 10:27 PM

Originally Posted by CathyBogart

I hold grudges...and I can tell you, that is not the way to go.

Me too...thats why the advice I gave was to forgive, its easiers said than done though.

**dukedogsmom** · 03-09-2007, 10:36 PM

Originally Posted by caseysmom

Me too...thats why the advice I gave was to forgive, its easiers said than done though.

You got that right! I tend to hold grudges, too. But, for my own good, will try to find a happy medium.

**caseysmom** · 03-09-2007, 10:39 PM

Originally Posted by dukedogsmom

You got that right! I tend to hold grudges, too. But, for my own good, will try to find a happy medium.

Don't you feel your whole being getting the life sucked out of you when you feel like that though? I just hate that feeling.

**columbine** · 03-09-2007, 11:03 PM

Forgiving isn't making excuses for the person who hurt you or setting yourself up to let them hurt you again. It's just closing the book. The trickiest part is forgiving YOURSELF for having gotten into that situation in the first place - learning how to stop wondering how you "brought it on yourself" or could have "saved" them if you'd tried harder, or calling yourself stupid. People just do mean things sometimes, not because of the people they do them to but because of who they are. People blame themselves for being betrayed because it makes them feel like they can keep it from happening again in the future, but it just doesn't work that way.

**dukedogsmom** · 03-13-2007, 09:59 PM

Originally Posted by columbine

Forgiving isn't making excuses for the person who hurt you or setting yourself up to let them hurt you again. It's just closing the book. The trickiest part is forgiving YOURSELF for having gotten into that situation in the first place - learning how to stop wondering how you "brought it on yourself" or could have "saved" them if you'd tried harder, or calling yourself stupid. People just do mean things sometimes, not because of the people they do them to but because of who they are. People blame themselves for being betrayed because it makes them feel like they can keep it from happening again in the future, but it just doesn't work that way.

I've read this several times and am trying to understand what you mean. From your last sentence, does it mean that no matter how hard we try, it's still going to happen?

**columbine** · 03-13-2007, 10:18 PM

Originally Posted by dukedogsmom

I've read this several times and am trying to understand what you mean. From your last sentence, does it mean that no matter how hard we try, it's still going to happen?

Well, you can keep the same person from doing it again, but since it didn't happen because of you, but because of the other person, you can't change the way you do things so as to keep anybody else from backstabbing you. You can't live your life in any particular way that will keep people from being rotten to you, but you can X the one who already did it out of your life and just say, the past is the past, I'm going to go on.

There's no such thing as safety from meanness, though people try all kinds of things to attain it, from living like martyrs to turning mean themselves to just refusing to deal with anybody else at all unless they absolutely have to. But since it comes from outside, and you never did anything to bring it on yourself, if somebody's going to be mean to you, they're going to be mean no matter what you do. All you can do is stay away from the ones who've already done it.

Is that any clearer?

Love, Columbine