Did you have a career or children first?

[dukedogsmom]

Since I never wanted kids, career. If you work so hard to get your Masters but want to take time off the first year or so, I don't know when a good time would be. Do you want a kid more than your Masters degree? That is surely something to think about.

[cyber-sibes]

Career. I was married at 21 but put off having kids till I was 30. After having my second at 33, I knew why people have them at 20! Oy-yoi-yoi! The energy level! I don't regret waiting - I was far too immature to be a good mom earlier.

[Cataholic]

I am kind of between Twisterdog's post and Cyber Sibes' post.

I did college right after high school, entered a career for 7ish years, then, went back to law school at the ripe ol' age of 29. I graduated from law school at 31 or 32, and worked for 7ish years, having Jonah at the advanced age of 38 (two months before my 39th bday). I am now 41, with a two year old, and a full time career as a lawyer.

There are pros and cons, I suppose. For me, personally, getting all my education out of the way was significant. Very significant. However, establishing myself in a career with a known saying of "the law is a very jealous mistress", THEN having a child (and single, to boot), might not have been a wise choice- in retrospect.

Having said that, I am educationally 'secure', do okay financially that I don't depend on anyone else for financial assistance, have a home, a car, blah blah blah. AND, I am blessed tenfold as I have a loving grandmother that absolutely dotes on my son- Lillycat. Jonah spends his daytime hours with her, and five cats!

So, I would still encourage anyone to get themselves established first. Like Twisterdog said, the plans we have aren't always the plans we have happen to us. No one, no matter their race, colour, creed, religion, etc., 'knows' the future. To best prepare for the unimaginable only serves you best in the long run. No one can take away my education, which goes a long way to securing my financial future, and that of my son, which allows for many benefits. If I NEVER used my law degree, wonderful. I would always have my education to fall back on if something unforetold happened. I think very few people say, "oh, I SO regret going to college", or "I wish I had waited until after my child was born to finish school".

I lived, in my opinion, alot, pre-Jonah. I went away to college, lived on both coasts of the US, lived on my own, owned a house, travelled as I wanted to, etc. I had Jonah at the right time for ME- energy levels aside..he he he, as Cyber Sibes said.

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

I did college right after high school too. I got my teaching degree at age 22, then met my hubby. We got married one year later . We wanted to have kids right away, but it was not for us to decide: nature didn't let us....
We adopted 2 kids, and because at that time we had to be 30 to adopt( it is age 25 now), we became parents rather late. Never regretted this!!

[My Peanuts]

I have no kids so take what I say with a grain of salt. My opinion on the whole thing is that you, me, everyone, will never feel ready. I'm not saying do it now, but my cousin said she wants kids when she has a career and has something like $20,000 in the bank just sitting there. I think that's crazy. I believe in preparing, but honestly I don't think I will ever feel fully ready. Partly it's something you just have to jump into with both feet.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I believe in preparing, but honestly I don't think I will ever feel fully ready. Partly it's something you just have to jump into with both feet.

I feel the same way...it's hard to feel prepared for something so important. At least, if you have those feelings you are probably going to try your hardest to be ready before committing to having children.

My closest friend is entering medical school next fall. She and her husband want to have kids while she is in med school. It doesn't seem like the best idea to me, but she said, "There IS no convenient time," which is kind of true. In her case, she will be preparing to become a doctor for the next 7 years. By the time she is done, she will want to secure a job, and she will be 32 years old. She wants to have 3 or 4 kids so that would become less and less likely the older she got (and, I believe, less and less likely after having the first one ).

[Logan]

It is different for everyone. I married at 22, six months after I graduated from college. I married my "high school sweetheart". He was in NO rush to have kids. I was. Guess who won? Not me! I had my daughter, Helen, when I was 28 years old. I had a decent job and there was no question about whether I was going to have to continue working. It broke my heart to go back to work when that baby was 5 weeks old. Her dad stayed with her for a week and she went to daycare at 6 weeks old. She has been just fine, though. I was lucky enough to be able to take her out of after school care when she was in the 3rd grade, as I started working from home.

Gosh, time passes so quickly and now I have an independent, well adjusted young lady for a daughter. She drives herself to high school every day and pretty much takes care of herself. She is almost 16 years old.

Our marriage did not last and when she was two, we seperated and divorced. It wasn't easy, but we did just fine, and he has been a major influence in her life. Yes, I wish I had given birth to her when I was a bit younger. I was ready and could have managed it just fine, and I hoped for more children, too, but with him, it never would have happened.

I think you have to do what works for both of you. There is a "happy medium" there, somewhere, I promise. But, like Johanna said, I would choose to make more of the time I had prior to my daughter's birth. But then, I also would not have gotten married at 22 if I could do it all over again. LOL!!!

Logan

[JenBKR]

Well, I'm 27 with no kids and a job, so I guess I'd say career. I don't think I exactly planned, I just went to college, started working, got married.....not that we don't want kids, because we do. It just hasn't happened yet.

[Sevaede]

Career.

I have not yet had a chance to go to college (Even though I have been out of high school for two years now). However, that will come first.

We don't think we'll be having any skinkids, though.

[critter crazy]

I joined the Army straight out of highshool, shipping off two days after graduation. So yes I put my carreer first! I had no intention of startig a family right away. But after one year in the Army I met my husband, and we were married two years later! Then shortly after we had our son. It was very hard trying to juggle our carreers and a family, but somehow we made it work. Now however, I am currently unemplyed after getting a medical discharge from the Army, and i have to say it is the best thing that could have happened! I am now able to spend all the time in the world with my son. I can go to all of his school functions, and always be there when he needs me. After serious discussion with my husband, i hve decided that I put off working again, until our son is older(he is 6)

[Uabassoon]

Alexa and I plan to work on our carrers first. She's already graduated from college but is going back to work on a teaching certificate. I recently decided to go back as I realized that there aren't any jobs in bassoon performance! So now I will be studying business management. We were thinking sometime withing the next 5-8 years, we still have so many things we want to do before we have kids. We haven't seen all of the world yet! I still want to travel, take random weekend road trips, study, get promoted at work, make a steady salary. I don't think we will wait until everything is "perfect" because I know it never will be, it's so easy to say "it will be better after ____ happens". However we do need to have some money saved up so that one of us can take some time off work. I think whoever is making less money will be the one to take some time off, if I stay with my company however I'll qualify for a year long sabattical in a few years.