You are hurting because you've lost your best friend. A member of your family. A trusted confidant. Your pain is very real and you have every right to cry. Do it. Cry all you want. It'll only help you.
She was outside because that's what cats usually prefer. No matter how we try to keep them safe and indoors, sometimes they get their way and outside they go. It's not your fault and its not hers. It happens, and it can be tragic, as in your case. Please don't beat yourself up because of it.
The people here understand your grief. They've been through it and they know how you feel. So go ahead and let it all out. Writing down her life will help you keep her memories alive. That way, when the pain of her loss gets bad, you can always go back to those memories and find consolation.
May Mitsoux rest in peace and enjoy her days at the Rainbow Bridge while she waits for you.
Karel





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