Quote Originally Posted by CatsinDenver
I am so sorry for the loss of your wonderful big boy Cosmo. It's obvious from your heartfelt tribute to him how much he was loved and what a good life he had.
Thank you, all of you who have mentioned him and those who will be writing later, if any. I will continue to read this thread for a while I imagine...a long time for sure.

I am glad I did not find this site the first or second day as I would have written a whole book on his habits and why I love him....and how I will miss him.

The shock I went through upon his sudden death was the first time I ever really experienced a panic disorder/ traumatic stress.

For 3 days my arms and legs tingled, my legs were numb, my arms had a burning sensation. I could not sleep or eat, felt my entire world had changed, just wanted to crawl into a whole and die of loneliness. The back of my head felt very warm and tingley, even to the point of hurting. My brain felt weird the whole time too. I still get some of these symptoms when I envision finding his body again.

I went through hours of freezing cold and hours of sweating heat. The poor cats went from a very hot house to a cold 60 degrees every couple hours.

I almost went to the hospital but I finally fell asleep for a few hours.

What I got out of it was this experience of emotions....
I did not want to sleep. If I slept, then it would be the 'next day' and I could not accept taht...as long as it was the same day, then it just happened..and thus I could keep the feeling of still being there for him...When the next day comes, the loss was 'yesterday' and grief turns to mourning and you start moving on. I did not want to move on. I think that is why you stay up for days.

I slowly started doing things like the dishes, making a few business calls, and a few samll routine things I did before he died. I think I did not want to do any of them since so many things involved him since I worked at home and he was always right next to me while doing most of them. His tail was so long and thick that when he junped on the computer monitor you basically could not see much at all of the screen...and I have a big monitor.

I also realized that my anxiety and stress was worrying some of my closer kitties. The ones who would sleep on me at night or just sit on my lap all teh time (trading with cosmo). What pulled me through the darkness was trying to make them feel better by acting normal and by thinking how I must hold it together so I can take care of his family members and girlfriends.

It is sad to see so many kitties on here, reading the stories does help me...and makes me sadder too.

I do not know which religion is right or wrong, or whether or not there is a God, or if I wille ver see my baby again....but in my heart and memories both Cosmo and Atlas live on..through pictures and gentle reminders that come to me sometimes through the senses, I will remember them til the day I die.

When I die, like citizen kane I shall mumble some words upon death....those words will be the names of my kitties who have touched my soul..

Atlas, Cosmo, and the living ones, Chaos, lil bit, mommy, muffy, baby, and persia.

Dying is easy, coping with loss breaks the heart and makes the soul cry.