How would you feel about this?

**JenBKR** · 06-23-2006, 10:45 AM

It is my main car that I use all the time, but they said they'd give me his truck to use while they're gone. Honestly, I really don't want to lend it to them, and I'm not comfortable with it, but I have a problem saying no and can't think of any excuse for why I'd need my car that week. I'm just wondering if I'm being silly for not wanting to lend it.....

I had the idea for them to rent a car as well, but they don't want to spend the money for that.....

**Cataholic** · 06-23-2006, 10:52 AM

Originally Posted by JenBKR

It is my main car that I use all the time, but they said they'd give me his truck to use while they're gone. Honestly, I really don't want to lend it to them, and I'm not comfortable with it, but I have a problem saying no and can't think of any excuse for why I'd need my car that week. I'm just wondering if I'm being silly for not wanting to lend it.....

I am going to pick on you for a moment. I **just** had this 'excuse' issue with my sister last night. You are an adult. Why EVER do you need an excuse to do or not do something? WhatEVER is wrong with a simple, "No, I would rather not. I am not comfortable with that". Period, end of sentance. No more discussion. Talk to the hand, cuz the face ain't listening.

You don't want to lend it to them. You aren't comfortable with it.
Your problem isn't with saying no, it is with being assertive.

This isn't being mean. This isn't about being better than someone. It is holding true to yourself, and your ideals (okay, ideals might be taking it too far). But, really, I am somewhat puzzled over your, "I don't want to, but, maybe I should do it" position.

I think it is a bad idea, under the scenario you pictured. I have traded cars with various family members. Alot of the time, when I did rescue runs, I borrowed my mom's car!!! So, I am not against car lending in general, just under the picture you have painted.

**JenBKR** · 06-23-2006, 10:56 AM

[QUOTE=Cataholic]

Originally Posted by JenBKR

It is my main car that I use all the time, but they said they'd give me his truck to use while they're gone. Honestly, I really don't want to lend it to them, and I'm not comfortable with it, but I have a problem saying no and can't think of any excuse for why I'd need my car that week. I'm just wondering if I'm being silly for not wanting to lend it.....

QUOTE]

I am going to pick on you for a moment. I **just** had this 'excuse' issue with my sister last night. You are an adult. Why EVER do you need an excuse to do or not do something? WhatEVER is wrong with a simple, "No, I would rather not. I am not comfortable with that". Period, end of sentance. No more discussion. Talk to the hand, cuz the face ain't listening.

You don't want to lend it to them. You aren't comfortable with it.
Your problem isn't with saying no, it is with being assertive.

This isn't being mean. This isn't about being better than someone. It is holding true to yourself, and your ideals (okay, ideals might be taking it too far). But, really, I am somewhat puzzled over your, "I don't want to, but, maybe I should do it" position.

I think it is a bad idea, under the scenario you pictured. I have traded cars with various family members. Alot of the time, when I did rescue runs, I borrowed my mom's car!!!

You can pick on me all you want, because you are right. I don't know why I have such a hard time just saying no.....but I have always been like that. I am not assertive much at all, and I feel kind of bad saying no. It's my husband's sister, and he had already told her that it would probably be ok (I am certainly going to have a little talk with him about his saying that).

**Cataholic** · 06-23-2006, 11:03 AM

[QUOTE=JenBKR]

Originally Posted by Cataholic

You can pick on me all you want, because you are right. I don't know why I have such a hard time just saying no.....but I have always been like that. I am not assertive much at all, and I feel kind of bad saying no. It's my husband's sister, and he had already told her that it would probably be ok (I am certainly going to have a little talk with him about his saying that).

Well, I don't mean to **really** pick on you.

I am not being very sypathetic to you, am I? For me, assertive and Johanna belong in the same sentence, and I don't stop to realize that I just not be the model we all strive to be like.

Now, you have added some facts that change things a little...your hubbie shouldn't be lending out the car without the two of you being on the same page. Per chance, did he leave you to do the dirty work?

**JenBKR** · 06-23-2006, 11:09 AM

[QUOTE=Cataholic]

Originally Posted by JenBKR

Well, I don't mean to **really** pick on you.

I am not being very sypathetic to you, am I? For me, assertive and Johanna belong in the same sentence, and I don't stop to realize that I just not be the model we all strive to be like.

Now, you have added some facts that change things a little...your hubbie shouldn't be lending out the car without the two of you being on the same page. Per chance, did he leave you to do the dirty work?

haha I know you're not *really* picking on me...I think I need to take a page from your book. I wish I could be more assertive, and I'm actually better than I used to be.

I'm not sure if hubby wanted me to do the dirty work or actually believed that I'd be ok with it, but I think we're going to have a little talk tonight.....

**Samantha Puppy** · 06-23-2006, 11:22 AM

No. If they have a truck they'd let you borrow, tell them to use it themselves.

**elizabethann** · 06-23-2006, 11:26 AM

I don't mind when people borrow my car to go to run an errand or use it for the day because there car is in the shop. But to go on vacation? MMMM....no.

I don't understand? They have a truck. Why can't they just take that?

**lv4dogs** · 06-23-2006, 11:28 AM

I agree with the others. I personally would say no. I don't have a problem with lending my vehicles out if it to someone totally responsible & trustworthy, but from what you described it seems like these folks don't fall under that catagory.

**king2005** · 06-23-2006, 11:30 AM

I would have to say no.
I would say no becuase it would create wear & tear on the car & that'll cost you & not them more $$. If the car broke down, I'd have no way to help them.. but if they rented the car company will send a new rental asap to replace the broken one.

If they are low on funds & have honestly worked hard to save up the money, but just cannot get enough cash to rent a car, I'd help a little in the rental fees (like the down payment) & going there with them to make sure all is ok & the car is 100% insured.

**BOBS DAD** · 06-23-2006, 11:34 AM

Some good comments...

King had a good idea that if your hubby wants to "really" help out his sister, then maybe offer to assist her financially with the "rental". It will be cheaper for you in the long run, considering the wear and tear on any vehicle in a long road trip.

You say that "want a vehicle with AC"...

People in Hell want Ice Chips... BUT THEY AIN'T GETTIN" EM

**Lizzie** · 06-23-2006, 11:31 AM

I'm a very responsible person who would take even more care of someone else's car than my own and make every effort to return it to them shiney clean and full of gas. But I wouldn't ask someone else to loan me their car because I would consider it my responsibility to cover that expense.

I've only loaned out my car once and I'll never, ever do it again.

Hopefully, your husband will be prepared to tell his sister that he spoke out of turn and he agrees with you that it isn't a good idea. A small donation towards the rental of a car might help to smooth things over, but it shouldn't be much.

**BOBS DAD** · 06-23-2006, 10:54 AM

Originally Posted by JenBKR

It is my main car that I use all the time, but they said they'd give me his truck to use while they're gone. Honestly, I really don't want to lend it to them, and I'm not comfortable with it, but I have a problem saying no and can't think of any excuse for why I'd need my car that week. I'm just wondering if I'm being silly for not wanting to lend it.....

I had the idea for them to rent a car as well, but they don't want to spend the money for that.....

Wow!!!

I mean... I want to fly to CA this summer - but I also don't "want to spend the money" for the plane ticket. That is awful nervy of them!!!

Shiiitttt... what to tell them... what to tell them???

How close of a relative??? Will they reimburse you if something breaks down with the car???

If not... then maybe you could tell them that you would really like to but you just can't take the chance. You are afraid that the car isn't all that road worthy, needs inspected soon and that a long trip without a check on brakes, suspension and fluids is something you are concerned about. You would feel terrible if something happened or someone got hurt because your car malfunctioned???

**JenBKR** · 06-23-2006, 10:58 AM

Originally Posted by BOBS DAD

Wow!!!

I mean... I want to fly to CA this summer - but I also don't "want to spend the money" for the plane ticket. That is awful nervy of them!!!

Shiiitttt... what to tell them... what to tell them???

How close of a relative??? Will they reimburse you if something breaks down with the car???

If not... then maybe you could tell them that you would really like to but you just can't take the chance. You are afraid that the car isn't all that road worthy, needs inspected soon and that a long trip without a check on brakes, suspension and fluids is something you are concerned about. You would feel terrible if something happened or someone got hurt because your car malfunctioned???

hmm some good ideas - that would probably work too! lol I loaned my car out a few times before, and the last time I did (not to them, it was a different in-law) I got the car back with barely enough gas to coast to the gas station. Ever since then I have been leary about lending it out.

**Rachel** · 06-23-2006, 12:32 PM

Originally Posted by JenBKR

. Honestly, I really don't want to lend it to them, and I'm not comfortable with it,

I think you've answered your own question. You don't need any better reason than that for yourself. Trust your gut feeling.

As for them, all you have to say is *I'm very sorry, but it just isn't possible for me to do that*.