Could she go to a camp or something? Not a boot camp, although that might be in order. Just a camp that would give you two some time apart, while your husband is away. And, maybe just counseling for you and your step daughter. I mean, it would be better if it was the three of you, but, if your husband won't agree to it, then, maybe just you and her. It might help some. Just to have a referee, of sorts. It may help you find out why she's acting the way she is. And, just a question, does she throw that cliche out...but, you're not my mother...? Just curious. I hate that your husband is not helping you at all, that sucks. But, I wouldn't teach her to drive, that's for sure.