First off, I must apologize for not reading this sooner.
My heart goes out to you, as I have recently been there myself. Cry when you need to. Someone on the board said to cry in the shower, and that is where I did it too. Remember that you gave Bourban the best time you possibly could. And he loved you unconditionally. He is now your angel and is at the bridge waiting for you, I hope Bourban and Shaianne and all the other dogs and cats the PetTalk family has lost this year are playing together.