Wow.

I am not sure I have anything good to advise. Which one is the aggresser? Is it the female? If it is I would make sure the incoming kitten is male.

I have four female cats. My mom who also shares the house with us has a male and female. My four females tolerate each other. I never have cute adorable pictures of them cleaning one another because that just isn't going to happen. We have a king sized bed and all four cats and my husband and I all manage to sleep on it relatively peacefully except for the claustraphobia I get periodically. But the cats will not touch each other for any reason what so ever. I have 2 of those Feliway diffusers in our half of the house. You notice I said our half.

My cat Deirdre will not under any circumstances tolerate my mom's female Tribble. Not for one second. As soon as Deirdre sees her she takes off like a heat seeking missle. No noise no warning no nothing but WHAM! Tribble is lucky to be a long haired cat because that is all that has ever saved her from being torn to shreds. We tried keeping them apart by sharing the main part of the house. One half of the day mom's cats would get the run of the house...the second half would be my cats turn...but then we had territorial marking. Deirdre would pee on my mom's furniture and Tribble would pee on mine. So we had a wall built. Right across the middle of the house which is a one story ranch. Now they don't have to share space or see one another. So far the peeing has quit for the most part.

I have a friend that has 9 cats and they all manage to get along..but then 8 of them are male. I have found that for the most part it seems to be the females that are more aggressive and territorial. Of course there are always exceptions to every rule.

I wish I could say to you to try this or that and everything will work out great. I can't. Some cats just can't tolerate others for any reason what so ever. My Deirdre will tolerate my other 3 but not Tribble. Just keep trying. And keep trying...but if you get to a point that the situation just won't work then you need to let go without guilt. At least in our situation it is my mom's cats....that is so much easier. I don't know what I would have done if when my husband moved in with his Kaliban if they wouldn't have gotten along. I don't know after having all of ours for years seperately who we could have given up. It would have been impossible and I thank the fates every day that it never happened.

Good luck and I will be sending all the good happy thoughts and prayes that I can your way.

Denyce