I Just Put My Baby to Sleep

[elizabethann]

I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, but my heart is broken. It's 3:45am and I don't know who else to "talk" to. I just came back from the emergency vets, where I had to put my best friend, Maxie, to sleep. My heart will never be the same without Max.

Cosmo, my other cat, woke me up at 2am to get fed. I got up to feed him and usually Maxie comes over to eat. But not tonight. I went into the living room and he was laying there unable to use his back legs. I knew it was serious and drove to the emergency vet.

They took an x-ray and his lungs & chest cavity were filled with fluids and his heart was enlarged. He was having serious trouble breathing and they had him on a ventalator.

I asked if there was anything that could be done and mentioned that my sister's Lab had a heart attack and lived. But the vet said that Cardiomyapathy is different in cats than in dogs. She said Maxie was in grave condition and there wasn't anything that could be done. She said if they drained the fluid, it still wouldn't help him.

So I chose to put my best friend in all the world to sleep.

I don't know what I'm going to do without him. He was my buddy and slept with me under the covers and in my arms every single night. He followed me around the apartment and sat on my lap. He was the best cat I ever had in the whole world.

I still can't believe this is happening. I don't know how I'm going to live each day without him. I want him back so bad.

I'm sorry Maxie. Please forgive me. I didn't know what else to do. I didn't want you to be in any pain. I love you more than life itself. Please forgive me buddy.

:(

[karlyb]

I'm so sorry that this happened to you and dear Maxie. You made the right decision for him and he will always love you for not letting him suffer. These will be some rough days for you but the hurt you feel now will gradually ease. You will always miss Maxie and feel stabs of terrible longing for him; although it may not seem so now, I promise it will get better in time. Keep the precious memories close to your heart.

[orangemm]

I'm so sorry and sad to hear about Max. I know your heart is broken and your spirit is heavy, but you did the right thing and the kind thing for him. You were there for him at the worst possible time and made his journey to the RB a little easier.

You gave him a wonderful life, full of love and care; no one could ask for more. Play hard at the RB little Max, and remember your Meowmie loves you dearly.


(((((hugs))))) to you.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

I am so sorry to hear your sad news but you did the kindest and most loving thing for Max - you couldn't have let him suffer could you?

You are surrounded by friends here who understand exactly how you feel {{{hugs}}}

[Killearn Kitties]

I'm so sorry that beautiful Maxie has gone. :( It must be so hard to accept when it happens so suddenly. You were there to love him and help him when he needed you, there is nothing more that any of us can do.

Sleep softly beautiful Maxie. Watch over your mummy for us. She is going to miss a cuddler like you so badly.

[jenluckenbach]

I am SO sorry for your loss. It can be especially hard when it is so sudden and unexpected. RIP Max.

[AbbyMom]

I'm so sorry. We all know here how much it hurts. We also know he's not in pain any more. You will always miss him, but your life is better for loving him.

[Scooter's Mom]

I am so sorry for your loss. I know that Maxie knew you loved him, and knows you did the right thing.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers,
Crystal

[catlover4ever]

I am so very sorry. :( Having to make "the decision" is the hardest one to make ever. You did the right thing by doing so and being there with Maxie.

RIP Sweet Maxie :(

[k9krazee]

I am so sorry for your loss, it's never easy. :( (((hugs))))

[Zippy]

I am so sorry about Maxie(((HUGS)))

[critter crazy]

I am so sorry to hear about your Loss! RIP Moxie!!

[Queen of Poop]

So very, very sorry for your loss. It is so very hard to let go. You did what was best and what had to be done. It seems to me though that having this happen in the middle of the night is much worse than daytime. You seem to be more vulnerable. I had to put my dear ferret Miko to sleep at 3:30 am on January 20, 2006. It was much worse for me than any of the others. In time your heart will heal and you will feel better. Hugs for you.

[emilysgk]

So sorry (((HUGS))) You did what was right for Max.

[Freedom]

I am so sorry to hear this news. How old was Maxie? Had there been any signs of illness? That is what makes this so hard, that it all happened so quickly and so suddenly. Mxie is feeling fine and happy and playing at the Bridge now!

[Laura's Babies]

This is so terriable! I am stunned... I am so very sorry for you! (((((HUGS))))) May Moxie rest in peace, knowing how much you loved him.

[momcat]

I'm so sorry to hear the sad news about Maxie. Because of you, your baby knew a life of love and caring. The right decisions are often the hardest but you did the right thing. Keep Maxie in your heart, he knows your decision was one of love. Sending you many [[[[HUGS]]]], we're all here for you!
Play hard at the RB, little one.

[elizabethann]

I am so sorry to hear this news. How old was Maxie? Had there been any signs of illness? That is what makes this so hard, that it all happened so quickly and so suddenly. Mxie is feeling fine and happy and playing at the Bridge now!

Thank you all for your support. I took the day off of work. I just can't stop crying. I keep looking for him and waiting for him to jump into my lap. I feel like I lost a huge part of myself.

In answer to your question Freedom, here is a link that I created 7/2005. That was when he was diagnosed with this. I wish I took it more seriously, but I didn't. And I'll never forgive myself for that. He wasn't with me long, but in the years he was, he was a joy, a love & the best friend I ever had.

http://petoftheday.com/talk/showthread.php?t=83344&highlight=cardiomyopathy

[Daisy and Delilah]

My heart is breaking for you elizabethann. OMG! I don't know what to say. How terrible for all of you. Please give Cosmo and Fenway some extra kisses to help you feel better. I know they'll do the best they can to comfort Mom. {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

Rest in Peace Maxie. Play hard at the bridge sweetheart. :(

[Taz_Zoee]

I am so sorry to hear about this. I am at work and I am crying with you today.
Please know Maxie loves you and is whole again. He is at the Bridge playing with all the other kitties and having a blast.
Give Cosmo and Fenway hugs for me.

[momtomany]

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Maxie but you really made the right decision. Time will ease the pain, but those words don't help right now. You will be in lots of the Pet Talk folks prayers and hopefully you can find some comfort in that. God Bless and many prayers and hugs your way.

[KitCat]

Sometimes it's better to let our loved friends go, so they aren't in pain anymore. I am sure your kitty is watching over you and understands.

[Randi]

I'm so sorry to hear about Maxie. :( I know how bad you will miss him, but you did what was right, not letting him suffer.

I hope the good memories will ease your pain. He will be in your heart forever.

Rest in Peace, dear Maxie.

[Cataholic]

I know all too well your pain. I can't really say much beyond that you gave Maxie the most precious, unselfish gift of all, the gift to go softly and swiftly, without more pain, on to the RB, to wait for you. I am so very sorry.

Johanna

[DrKym]

We are all so sorry to hear this, please accept our condolences, and we will pray that your grief will be brief, and that soon , the happy memories will comfort you.

The Goodnows.

[kuhio98]

I am so sorry for you loss. Please be kind and gentle with yourself. You were faced with an awful decision. You didn't let Maxie down. You made the decision to free him of his pain and start him on his next journey.

Blessing to you and your family.


If It Should Be

If it should be I grow frail and weak
And pain prevents my peaceful sleep.
Then you must do what must be done
When this last battle can't be won.
You will be sad, I understand.
Selfishness might stay your hand.
But on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship take the test.

We've had so many happy years
That what's to come can hold no fears.
You'd not want me to suffer. So,
When the time comes, please let me go.

Take me where my needs they'll tend.
Only -- stay with me until the end.
Hold me firm and speak to me.
Until my eyes no longer see.

I know, in time, you, too, will see
It is a kindness that you do for me.
Although my tail it's last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.

Do not grieve it should be you.
Who must decide this thing to do.
We've been so close, we two, these years...
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

Author Unknown

[gini]

My heart goes out to you in this sudden loss. Having experienced this I know that this is a pain like no other.

Time will heal this hurt and it can be replaced with all of the wonderful memories you have of your time together.

He isn't gone - he is just waiting for the time when you can be reunited again.
But for now try to console yourself with the fact that you did the very best thing for him - he is not in any pain and he continues to love you more than anything.

[Ginger's Mom]

I am so sorry to see this. Yes, I am crying at my desk at work. I can feel your pain through the computer screen. Just know that you did indeed do the best and most loving thing you could for that special Maxie man, and you will always treasure the love that he added to your life. {{{HUGS}}}

[Kirsten]

I am soooo sorry for your loss!! Your pain is easy to feel through the lines of your post. What you describe is exactly what happened to my beloved Katz, it brought back many memories.

When it happens, it's always so unreal, just too cruel to be true... And yet we learn to live with the loss - someday. (((HUGS)))

R.I.P. little Max, you are truly missed!

Kirsten

[BC_MoM]

I'm so, so sorry. (((HUGS))) What a hard decision to make, and you chose the self-less one and send your sweet baby to a better place. He is thankful for that, and will now be waiting for the day when you are reunited together for eternity.

[fritz03]

Sorry to hear about Maxie's passing.From the sounds of it,Maxie was a real pal for,I am sure you will miss him a lot,so will Fenway and Cosmo.It is not easy losing a close friend like Maxie,it was the same for us when Ruffles was put to sleep,it will be 5 years on April 3 since he has been gone and miss him every day.it will hard for awhile,but the pain will ease somewhat.Think of the good times you had with him ,it should help.Barry and Fritz.

[Jadapit]

I'm so very sorry for you loss! :( Your post had me in *tears* You did the best thing for your sweet Maxie. You will be in my thoughts. {{{Hugs}}}

[Felicia's Mom]

I too am sorry for your loss. May Maxie R.I.P. until you meet again.

[catmandu]

Moxie has gotten his wings on Hawaii Island and is now an offical member of The Pet Angel Army.
Hes sad knowing that you are going to miss him, but he wants you to know thats hes healthy now and that you did what hhad to be done and he knows that you did that out of love.
He says to listen for him that he will visit and from where ever he is in the world he will send signals thats hes all right.
and that you will be together in a better place with places to see and enjoy each others company once more.
One Fine Day.

[kb2yjx]

I am so very sorry to read about your best friend, Maxie. Please do not beat yourself up about his cardiac condition!! He sounded like he had been fine, without any symptoms. But he threw a clot, and when you found him, he was in pain. You did all you could to help Maxie, but it was out of love that you let him go, even though it was devastating to you. Maxie will never forget all the love you gave him. he will always be with you!! Sleep softly, dear Maxie...
and ((((((((hugs)))))))) to Mom...

[dukedogsmom]

I'm so very sorry. It's a very hard thing to have to live through. I had to make the same choice with my dog three months ago. I can tell you that it's not easy. I, too, know my heart will never be the same. Even though you know it was the right thing to do, it still hurts. Don't be surprised if you feel guilt, also. I still feel it. It will just take a lot of time for the pain to not be so bad. Maxie is well loved and waiting for you at the RB, as are all our dearly loved ones.

[Catty1]

I read the earlier post you posted about Maxie - what a beautiful boy!

And you said then that the vet wasn't worried about meds, and you had toys so that Maxie could shed a few pounds - you WERE doing stuff for him!

Sweetie, even if the vet recommended medication, and you had done it - it might not have lengthened his life. This is a horrible condition!

The best thing was that you loved him!!! :) Pills can never replace that.

{{{{HUGS}}}}

[Vermontcat]

I'm so sorry to hear that your sweet Maxie went so suddenly and unexpectedly to the RB. :(
Sending hugs your way.

[krazyaboutkatz]

I'm so sorry to hear about Maxie's passing.:( RIP sweet Maxie.:( Please take care. (((HUGS)))

[Medusa]

I could really feel your sadness and loss while reading your post. We here at PT understand completely. You did the last kind thing you could do for Maxie. It brought pain to your heart but it brought relief to him. He'll never leave your heart but the pain will lessen w/time. A candle burns for you both. RIP, dear Maxie. You will be reunited one day and will snuggle under the covers together once again.

Blessings,
Mary

[elizabethann]

Thank you again for everybody's kind words. They mean allot to me. I am lucky to have friends like you, who understand what I am going through.

It's been a hard day. Last night was even worse. It was the first night without my Maxie. There was nobody there to sleep with me under the covers and in my arms. I took my digital camera out and looked at pictures and videos I have of Maxie and I cried myself to sleep. Luckily, Fenway was there to lick my tears away.

The thing is, I am responsible for Maxie's death. In July of 2005, he was diagnosed with Cardiomyopathy. I put him on a diet and in July of 2006, the vet said he was doing good & he had lost some weight. But then Cosmo got kidney disease & lost a ton of weight and wouldn't eat. So I bought Fancy Feast & fed him that. Cosmo would want to eat every 2-3 hours. So to fatten him up, I fed him that. And I fed Maxie too. It's like I put his condition on the back burner. It's like I forgot all about him. So I do feel responsible and I know I am partly responsible. For that, I will never forgive myself.

Tonight is hard too. Fenway is at my sisters and it's just me & Cosmo (like it was 6 years ago). I'm leaving for Florida tomorrow (which I have no desire to go to right now). It's so quiet in the apartment. It will be hard to go to bed again tonight. And I feel bad leaving Cosmo & Fenway.

I'm sorry if I sound like a big baby. But I just can't get over this. I'm even thinking of going to a pet shrink to help me through this.

In the meantime, is there any place on the web where I can create a video memorial for Maxie? I've seen some on this website that people have created in memory of their pets. Is this some kind of software you have to purchase? If anybody can let me know, I'd appreciate it. I tried to create a page on Catster for him, but for some reason, it's not letting me log in.

Thanks again for your kind words. They really mean alot. I'm glad websites like this exist.

This is Maxie sleeping in my bed:
http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b152/CosmoMaxie/Maxie_sleeping.jpg?t=1172361965

This is Maxie and his buddah belly (which I will miss):
http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b152/CosmoMaxie/MaxieWindow.jpg?t=1172362018

This is Maxie smiling:
http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b152/CosmoMaxie/beth106.jpg?t=1172362079

[dukedogsmom]

What a sweet angel in that first pic. Where will you be in Florida? If you'd ask in cat general, someone there might make a video for you. I would but I'm not that talented. Trust me, I know how hard it is and you're not being a baby about it. It's been three months for me now and there's days where it's felt like I lost him just yesterday. Lots of time for us to heal is what it's going to take. That and the love from your other cats can help to fill the void at times. Good luck and know that we're here for you. Pms from some of your buddies here can help a lot, too.

[Daisy and Delilah]

I sent you a PM this morning but your box was full. I'm not sure if you saw my thread about it in General. I'm sorry that your trip to Florida is tomorrow. I know you don't want to go. Try to enjoy it a little if you can. I hope getting away makes you feel a bit better.

Maxie was such a beautiful boy. Thanks for posting pictures of him. Take care.

Terry

[jazzcat]

I'm so sorry about Maxie. Try not to blame yourself.

Rest in Peace Sweet Maxie.

[Marigold2]

I am so so so sorry to hear about your lose. How you loved Maxie and how he loved you. We lost our Cassiegirl five years ago and the pain you are feeling is so familiar to me. I cried everyday for a month I missed her so. For us adopting a kitten, Jake a Poo helped us heal. His silly antics and innocence was what stopped my tears along with my daughters.
Good luck to you. I realized after a bit that the greatest gift we can give to our loved furry children is exactly what most of us do, give them the best life possible and to not let them suffer. You did that. You were a great mom and Maxie knew that.

[chocolatepuppy]

I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner. I'm so sorry about Maxie. :( It hurts real bad, I know. Time will help to ease your pain. Maxie will always be with you, in your heart. {hugs}

[shais_mom]

{{hugs}}
so sorry for your loss.

[Mycatownsme]

I am so sorry for the loss of your little one.

[elizabethann]

UPS has my cat. :mad:

They couldn't deliver him to me (his ashes) yesterday because the crematorium didn't have my apartment number (which I gave). So his ashes have been sitting in a cold, dark UPS building all night. I'm leaving work early to pick him up. My poor Maxie. I hope I can be strong enough and not break down when I pick him up. It's going to be hard. :(

[Medusa]

That's infuriating, to be sure, but keep in mind that it's only Maxie's "clothing" that is in the urn. Maxie is playing at the RB, free from all pain and cares. He comforts you when you're sad and this is one of those times. Don't cry any more for Maxie. You miss him, I know, but he's alright.

Blessings,
Mary

[nancys]

I'm so sorry to hear about Maxie, but you really did make the right decision. It's still hard to lose our pets / babies though. I hope time helps and that you always remember the good times you had with Maxie.

[MidnightMoon]

I literally just joined...and I was reading your story and the wonderful words of all the members on here...and I was crying.

Maxie sounds wonderful! A lot like my baby, Gin...I can't imagine having to put a pet down. {{{{HUGS}}}} It will get better...and there will be new cats to fill your home with joy again...just give it time :)

[elizabethann]

I literally just joined...and I was reading your story and the wonderful words of all the members on here...and I was crying.

Maxie sounds wonderful! A lot like my baby, Gin...I can't imagine having to put a pet down. {{{{HUGS}}}} It will get better...and there will be new cats to fill your home with joy again...just give it time :)

Thank you for your kind words (and thank you to everybody else as well).

And welcome to PT.

[elizabethann]

I just made a donation in Maxie's name to the Winn Feline Foundation. They have a special fund that researches Cardiomyopathy.

I still miss Maxie very much. Especially now that the weather is getting warmer and the windows are open. He used to sit or lay in the window, in the sun, and take a cat nap. When I would go outside he would sit in the window & meow "hello" to me. I went outside this weekend and kept looking up to see him - but he wasn't there. I think about him every single day.

It was very hard to change my window & door clings that alert firefighters that there are pets inside. They now read dog: 1 and cat: 1. The 2 is crossed off.

:(

[phesina]

Oh, Elizabethann, I am so sorry for your loss of Maxie. What a wonderful cat, so much part of your life. Thank you for sharing the beautiful pictures.

You gave him a wonderful life full of love and warmth and food, with his very favorite person in the world with him right up to the very end. The love you share will always go on.

What a fine thing you did to donate to the Winn Feline Foundation's Cardiomyopathy fund in his name. Other cats will live better because of your beloved Maxie and the love you and he share.

Hugs {{{{{elizabethann}}}}},
Pat

[Pawla]

I am so sorry. I too lost my very best friend on March 5th. I had been feeding him contaminated pet food. I still cry but it does seem to get better. You loved your dear Max, and animals are human--they know. You did what you did out of love. If you had tried to keep him alive, knowing how much he was suffering, that would have been for you. You did the right thing. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[cassiesmom]

play hard at the Bridge sweet Cosmo and be greeted by kitty angels

[IttyBittyKitty]

Sometimes it's better to let our loved friends go, so they aren't in pain anymore. I am sure your kitty is watching over you and understands.

I agree ... it's a hard decision, but your beautiful kitty will be running and playing on the Bridge, happy as can be.

[Sara luvs her Tinky]

I am so very sorry to hear about Maxie !!! Sending some warm hugs.

I couldn't imagine the pain you must be in.... {{{hugs}}}