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Thread: Vent

  1. #1

    Vent

    I really need to vent. I don't expect anyone to read this, however if you do, maybe you can offer some advice.

    Back in May, 2011 my black Lab, Josie passed away. Anybody who knows me knew how much she meant to me. I got her when I was 12-13 years old. She was my first dog that was just mine. My first real responsibility. I saved up, and picked her out. I took care of her 100% myself, including her training. I had some rough times then including having troubles with my friends to the point I really had no one. I guess that's maybe why I bonded so much with her, I'm not sure. She really was everything to me. I know this is the one place where people can actually understand me when I say this. I've been struggling with severe depression for years now, and Josie was with me all the time. I truly believe she helped me through it.

    Anyway, when she did pass away I was crushed. I honestly didn't think I would feel happy again. I really don't like people to see me upset so I didn't reach out to my friends for help. Though I was very alone and desperately wanted someone with me. I posted on facebook that she had passed. That I was crushed. People replied to that, but that was it. I have 6-7 people I always considered close friends, and maybe I was/am being selfish but I was very upset that not one of them called me on the phone or stopped by to visit me. When I later asked them about it they said well I never asked for them to see me and they felt I never wanted company because of how upset I was. I believe in one of the facebook comments someone said "let me know if you need anything" but I REALLY hate asking people to come be with me when I'm balling my eyes out. Some of my friends said nothing at all. I figured it was just misunderstanding.

    A month or so later a friend's (the one who said nothing) cat died. I got a hold of her as soon as I heard and asked if we could get together so she could get her mind off it. Or we could talk or whatever. She wasn't really upset about it anymore after a day or two.

    In August my precious cat passed away very unexpectedly of kidney failure. Kiba was very special to me as well and I shared a similar bond with her as I did Josie. I even told my boyfriend after Josie passed that I was so thankful for Kiba because she helped me through it and I don't think I could have without her. I was still very upset about Josie at the time, I lost my job 2 days before, and then this. I pretty much felt what's the point anymore? I was in a very bad state. Again, facebook comments. No calls, no visits.

    I got very distant from my friends at this point. If I hang out with them it's for maybe an hour tops. I know I'm being selfish I can't expect them to read my mind. But honestly, if your good friend lost the most important thing in their life would you not go visit them? Or call. Even if they didn't ask you?

    We always have a new years eve get together, which this year I wasn't invited to. Facebook tells me they are still going. At this point I delete facebook cause I'm so sick of it. I'm done with them. Well, most of them. My problem is I want to hang out with a couple of them but not the rest. They're all good friends. Chances are if I say I don't like so and so, they will just say forget about you.

    One particular friend is poison. She's just not nice at all. I don't get why I'm the only one who sees it. She's the one to start the gossip.

    Anyway I guess my problem is I want to tell that one person where to go, I don't want to see the rest with the exception of 2 people. I really can't see the 2 people wanting to hang out with me if I tell the rest I'm done talking to them....I already know they talk crap about me behind my back. I really wish I knew what made me such a bad person. Please, someone tell me. I may not like to hang out 24/7 but if someone needs me I'll be there.

    I honestly felt by 27 people would have grown up, but honestly do they ever? URG. Sorry for the long vent. Sorry for being childish myself. Sometimes I just need to get it out of my system to put it behind me.

    Clover, Loki, Shadow, Pixel and Kyo

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2000
    Location
    Windham, Vermont, USA
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    40,409
    Sweetie, you can contact the ones you like, and ask just to get coffee or something casual, and hung out with them. Don't worry about the others, they are not worth a second thought at this point. Just try to refrain from talking about them, and reestablish a friendship with the ones you care about. People grow and change over the years, and so do relationships. And no, some people never do grow up, and it's their loss, not yours.
    I've Been Frosted

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Northern cyberspace
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    1,967
    Don't feel bad about people not acknowledging your pets' deaths. Probably most aren't into pets the way we are. The loss of our pets hit us as hard as if it was family, if you aren't a real animal person then it doesn't mean that much. I have a lot of friends that are as crazy about their dogs as I am about mine so when something happens to one of us we can all relate and share our feelings. Then I have friends who are not animal lovers so when I'm with them we just don't talk about pets. I really don't expect them to go out of their way to express anything if I lose a pet, they probably have no clue , I just spend more time with the friends who are pet lovers like I am.
    As for Facebook, I would never join that, just isn't my cup of tea and yes, I heard a lot of people talk about it in negative ways. None of my friends are n there either. Seems like maybe you hitched up with the wrong crowd, maybe ditching facebook was the best thing to do. Try getting together with somne real life friends, people you can visit and go places with without FB.
    As for the nasty friend-- there's one in every crowd, they eventually fade away when people catch on.
    Asiel

    I've been frosted--- thank you Cassie'smom

    I've been Boo'd----

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Asiel View Post
    Try getting together with somne real life friends, people you can visit and go places with without FB.
    As for the nasty friend-- there's one in every crowd, they eventually fade away when people catch on.
    The people on FB I'm referring to are my real life friends, which is why I was upset they couldn't call or visit. But it makes sense what you said about not animal lovers. They all have pets, I guess they see them as just that where I see mine as family. I just don't get how people can have a pet and not see how amazing they are and how they're so much more then a pet. But that's just me.

    Clover, Loki, Shadow, Pixel and Kyo

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Karen View Post
    Sweetie, you can contact the ones you like, and ask just to get coffee or something casual, and hung out with them. Don't worry about the others, they are not worth a second thought at this point. Just try to refrain from talking about them, and reestablish a friendship with the ones you care about. People grow and change over the years, and so do relationships. And no, some people never do grow up, and it's their loss, not yours.
    Yeah I guess you're right. I'll have to try that. I just get paranoid sometimes...

    Clover, Loki, Shadow, Pixel and Kyo

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2000
    Location
    Windham, Vermont, USA
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    40,409
    Quote Originally Posted by Sowa View Post
    Yeah I guess you're right. I'll have to try that. I just get paranoid sometimes...
    It's okay, we love you just the way you are! And so will the real friends, I promise.

    Not that I am not "real" - just a tad to far for a cup of coffee with ya!
    I've Been Frosted

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    11,189
    Sowa, I went through something similar last year with a few of my "friends". Honestly, by the end of it all, I knew who my real friends were and just enjoyed my last year of high school. I know it really sucks, but you will see your real friends come out sooner or later. I know...it takes awhile sometimes, but it will come out. It always does.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Cincinnati, Ohio USA
    Posts
    11,467
    I think several things are going on. First, depression makes things seem like they are not sometimes. Even small slights seem really large. I hope you are seeing someone about your depression. No matter how crappy your friends are, you and your mental health belong to you, and are controlled by you.

    Next, not everyone handles death well. My best friend is odd about it. She loves me, knows how much I care for my pets, but doesn't really say anything to me when tragedy happens. Your friends are younger and might just not have enough life experience to handle things maturely.

    Finally, you may have less than stellar friends. I am on FB. There are a couple of my friends that have friends that post such awful comments on their walls that it nearly makes me mad. I think, "why does so and so put up with such crap from a friend"? Maybe you have a few crappy friends that you have outgrown? You deserve better than what you are getting.

    I wouldn't make it a big deal, I would just walk away and distance yourself from these people. Find new friends.

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