Politics and religion.

**Grace** · 12-13-2010, 08:31 PM

they will never spend ONE day in a retirement home

I'm not getting into this discussion, but did have a question about this one phrase.

Do you mean Nursing Home? When I think of retirement home, I think of the many retirement communities around here, full of vibrant, active people. I don't look at them as places to avoid.

Nursing homes, on the other hand, can be good or bad. My mom was in one in Rhode Island before she died, and it was a great place. But I have seen the other kind.

**Puckstop31** · 12-13-2010, 08:39 PM

Originally Posted by Grace

I'm not getting into this discussion, but did have a question about this one phrase.

Do you mean Nursing Home? When I think of retirement home, I think of the many retirement communities around here, full of vibrant, active people. I don't look at them as places to avoid.

Nursing homes, on the other hand, can be good or bad. My mom was in one in Rhode Island before she died, and it was a great place. But I have seen the other kind.

Correct. I have seen some AWFUL places. Plus, I promised my parents that I would take care of them. They did sacrifice a lot to help get me where I am.

I am sure there are good retirement facilities. My parents asked to not ever be placed in one and I have already secured, as best as possible these days, that they never will be. My Dad suffers from non-Hodgkins Lymphoma as a result of Agent Orange exposure in Vietnam.... And my Mom puts up with him.

So, its the least I can do for them.

Thank you Grace, for making this point known.

**Grace** · 12-13-2010, 08:45 PM

The retirement places around here - the residents are not placed in them - they choose to live there.

For instance, my cousin, Alan, lives in Colorado. He and his wife recently moved into a retirement community where there are varying degrees of care available. Currently, they live independently, but his wife is in the early stages of Alzheimers, and, at some point, will need more care than Alan can handle alone - he is almost 84.

That's the kind of retirement community I'm thinking of.

**Puckstop31** · 12-13-2010, 10:28 PM

Originally Posted by Grace

The retirement places around here - the residents are not placed in them - they choose to live there.

For instance, my cousin, Alan, lives in Colorado. He and his wife recently moved into a retirement community where there are varying degrees of care available. Currently, they live independently, but his wife is in the early stages of Alzheimers, and, at some point, will need more care than Alan can handle alone - he is almost 84.

That's the kind of retirement community I'm thinking of.

If the people choose to live in one, by all means, make it so. My parents have made their choices clear. That is not to disparage (correct word useage Mom? LOL <inside joke>) people who choose to live in one.

More or less, I want my Mom and Dad around us, physically close that is, for as long as is possible, and they agree. Hannah LOVES them both. We are staying with them for the week as we visit. Mom and Dad both went to work this morning after being around for the weekend. Hannah and I came out around 7:30. Hannah RUNS out.... Only to droop her shoulders, look at me and say, "wher'd evweebody go?"

I want my Mom and Dad to have as many opportunites like that as possible.

**sparks19** · 12-13-2010, 10:40 PM

Originally Posted by Grace

The retirement places around here - the residents are not placed in them - they choose to live there.

For instance, my cousin, Alan, lives in Colorado. He and his wife recently moved into a retirement community where there are varying degrees of care available. Currently, they live independently, but his wife is in the early stages of Alzheimers, and, at some point, will need more care than Alan can handle alone - he is almost 84.

That's the kind of retirement community I'm thinking of.

yeah I think it goes both ways. My great grandmother could not WAIT to live in the assisted living facility lol. she was in the "independant living" section. they only came to her if she needed them otherwise she was on her own and she thought that was the greatest thing ever. "If I don't want to cook... I don't have to. isn't that amazing?" LOL

then there are those who don't get to choose for themselves and are just "dumped" there by their family members. but to me that is a nursing home and not a retirement home as you stated earlier.

**Grace** · 12-13-2010, 10:52 PM

Originally Posted by Puckstop31

If the people choose to live in one, by all means, make it so. My parents have made their choices clear. That is not to disparage (correct word useage Mom? LOL <inside joke>) people who choose to live in one.

More or less, I want my Mom and Dad around us, physically close that is, for as long as is possible, and they agree. Hannah LOVES them both. We are staying with them for the week as we visit. Mom and Dad both went to work this morning after being around for the weekend. Hannah and I came out around 7:30. Hannah RUNS out.... Only to droop her shoulders, look at me and say, "wher'd evweebody go?"

I want my Mom and Dad to have as many opportunites like that as possible.

Your parents could live in the same town as you do - if this is the type of place they would like, and if they would want to move North and deal with snow and ice

Heck, I'm older than your parents, still living in our paid-for, no mortgage house, dealing with cold and ice and snow. My choice

Originally Posted by sparks19

yeah I think it goes both ways. My great grandmother could not WAIT to live in the assisted living facility lol. she was in the "independant living" section. they only came to her if she needed them otherwise she was on her own and she thought that was the greatest thing ever. "If I don't want to cook... I don't have to. isn't that amazing?" LOL

then there are those who don't get to choose for themselves and are just "dumped" there by their family members. but to me that is a nursing home and not a retirement home as you stated earlier.

You got it exactly right on, Tanya. Your great grandmother did what she wanted and when she wanted

**Puckstop31** · 12-13-2010, 11:13 PM

Originally Posted by Grace

Your parents could live in the same town as you do - if this is the type of place they would like, and if they would want to move North and deal with snow and ice

Heck, I'm older than your parents, still living in our paid-for, no mortgage house, dealing with cold and ice and snow. My choice

That is my Moms plan. Chances are she will live longer than Dad.

But yes... YOUR CHOICE. The debate should end there.

You got it exactly right on, Tanya. Your great grandmother did what she wanted and when she wanted

Please allow me to STRESS that a retirement community is NOT a bad thing.... So long as the resident chooses to be there. Clearly, per Grace's posts, it is (or can be) a wonderful exeperience.

**sparks19** · 12-13-2010, 11:19 PM

Originally Posted by Grace

You got it exactly right on, Tanya. Your great grandmother did what she wanted and when she wanted

Yeah luckily my grandmother has it the same way. what she wants and when she wants... although if you even TRIED to convince her otherwise you would PAY lol.

She is almost 90 years old and just lost her husband (my grandfather at 94 years old) the other day. She is planning to still live on her own... no retirement facility and even though all her children have offered her a place to stay with them she doesn't want it. she is independant... always has been... and wants to stay that way.

it's wonderful that she has the choice. I told my parents that our home is open if they WANT it in their old age.

if it's their choice then so be it whatever the decision.

I remember visiting great grandma in her assited living facility (I was just a kid then) and thought it was great fun to go and play Crocus (LOL that's what I called it but it was actually crokinole lol) in the community room. They aren't all bad but the ones taht are bad are REALLY bad