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Thread: Our PT joke thread

  1. #361
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
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    Jesus and the apostles walk into a bar.

    The bartender asks Jesus what he would like...

    Jesus turns to the apostles. winks an replies, "Thirteen glasses of water and one fish sandwich!"
    The secret of life is nothing at all
    -faith hill

    Hey you, don't tell me there's no hope at all -
    Together we stand
    Divided we fall.

    I laugh, therefore? I am.

    No humans were hurt during the posting of this message.

  2. #362
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    I saw Matthew McConaughey in Hollywood driving, I was waiting on the corner for a friend when I noticed him....A minute later he came back around the block!

    A few minutes later he drove BACK around - He made 6 more trips until he got stopped by the signal. He had his window down and I managed to hear his GPS giving him instructions.......




    "All Right, All Right, All Right...."

  3. #363
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    When Harrison Ford got his pilot's license he had to fly "Solo".

    How would Harrison Ford do flying the Millenium Falcon?

    After the crash, there was no word on how Chewbacca was doing?
    The secret of life is nothing at all
    -faith hill

    Hey you, don't tell me there's no hope at all -
    Together we stand
    Divided we fall.

    I laugh, therefore? I am.

    No humans were hurt during the posting of this message.

  4. #364
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Illinois, USA
    Posts
    27,086
    Q: What kind of waves do you find on small beaches?
    A: Microwaves
    I've been Boo'd ... right off the stage!

    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    "We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays." -- Persius, first century Roman poet

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  5. #365
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
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    Illinois, USA
    Posts
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    Q: What does a chromosome like to wear?
    A: Genes
    I've been Boo'd ... right off the stage!

    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    "We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays." -- Persius, first century Roman poet

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  6. #366
    Join Date
    May 2007
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    Suthern Murland
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    Two brothers aged 13 and 11 are called to come down stairs for breakfast. When they get to the kitchen table their mom asked what they would like. The 13 year old says 'Awe geez, how bought some F'ing Cheerios Ma'? He doesn't see the blur until moms hand slaps him across the face and she proceeds to whack him with a mixing spoon all the way back up stairs until he gets to his room.

    Now, back in the kitchen, she turns to the 11 year old and says 'And what can I get you for breakfast, mister?' Whimpering, the 11 year old says, " I sure don't want any [email protected] Cheerios"

  7. #367
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    That's was funny!!!

  8. #368
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    Good one, Cat Daddy!
    "Do or do not. There is no try." -- Yoda

  9. #369
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    Oct 2005
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    "Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes." -- author unknown
    I've been Boo'd ... right off the stage!

    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    "We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays." -- Persius, first century Roman poet

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  10. #370
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    Quote Originally Posted by cassiesmom View Post
    "Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes." -- author unknown
    Love it! I have to get me those shoes.
    Willa (5/1/1997-3/17/2018)

  11. #371
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    My dad told me this joke...

    A milkman is making his deliveries and finds a note attached to a customer's door saying, "I need 45 gallons of milk."
    He knocks at the door and a lady answers it.
    "Forty-five gallons of milk. Is this a mistake?" the milkman asks.
    "No," she says, "I was watching a talk show and it said bathing in milk is a good aphrodisiac."
    "Really?" replies the milkman. "Do you want that pasteurized?"
    "No, up to my chest will be fine."
    I've been Boo'd ... right off the stage!

    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    "We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays." -- Persius, first century Roman poet

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  12. #372
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    That's funny! I had to read it out loud a couple of times to get it.
    Willa (5/1/1997-3/17/2018)

  13. #373
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    First joke I remember hearing. Guy with a hair lip goes to the pet store, "Can I buy some birdseed please". Clerk says "I can't understand what you said. Guy goes away, comes back the next day, " I would like to buy some birdseed please" clerk says "go away hairlip, I can't understand what your saying!" The guy comes back every day for two weeks. On the 15 th day, the guy comes in and says," Hey mister, ya wanna buy a dead bird"?

  14. #374
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    Oct 2005
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    I saw this recently and it gave me a smile. With apologies in advance for any negative stereotypes.



    How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

    Border Collie: Just one. Then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.

    Rottweiler: Make me.

    Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh?

    Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp!

    Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he’s busy.

    Jack Russell Terrier: I’ll just pop it in while I’m bouncing off the walls.

    Greyhound: It isn’t moving. Who cares?

    Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

    Mastiff: Change it yourself! I’m not afraid of the dark…

    Doberman: While it’s out, I’ll just take a nap on the couch.

    Boxer: Who needs light? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

    Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there!

    Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb?

    Australian Shepherd: First, I’ll put all the light bulbs in a little circle…

    Old English Sheep dog: Light bulb? I don't see a burnt out light bulb.

    Basset Hound: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

    Poodle: I’ll just blow in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

    Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned-out bulb?


    Cat: Dogs do not change light bulbs — people change light bulbs. I am not one of THEM so the question is, how long before I can expect light again?
    I've been Boo'd ... right off the stage!

    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    "We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays." -- Persius, first century Roman poet

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  15. #375
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    That's cute!
    Willa (5/1/1997-3/17/2018)

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