Parent(s) Requests regarding Engagement/Marriage

[Kater]

My father shocked me this past weekend when he wanted to have a serious discussion regarding my marriage.
MARRIAGE??? I just turned 21!
Marriage is probably the farthest thing from my mind at this point, that and retirement. He had two requests and wanted them to be known. In his mind it was serious discussion but I'm pretty sure I had a goofy and dazed expression on my face the entire time.

Anyway, he asks that regardless of where I live or where my future husband is from, that the wedding be held in Hawaii. He also asks that my future husband ask him for "my hand." Now at first, I didn't push the topic. To be honest I let it drop like a brick. But later, after I had gotten over my shock, I wanted to ask more about these requests of his. I had no qualms with the first one, whenever I picture my wedding (which isn't often) I see myself here. However, his second request didn't sit with me too well. After some arguing I got it amended to my future husband asking both my parents for permission. I also wanted to know the purpose of asking – were they going to have veto rights or something? He assured me that he just wants to hear my future husband say that he loves me and will take good care of me. How sweet.

After our discussion I realized that I didn't start thinking about marriage until finding out about my Dad's leukemia. Since then I have always hoped with every fiber of my being that *if* I get married, my Daddy will be there. No other detail of my wedding day could possibly be more important than that.

So I'm wondering - has anybody else had any requests from a parent/guardian about his/her marriage?
Please do not think that this thread is restricted to those in heterosexual relationships, anyone is free to share if they so desire.

[CathyBogart]

Nah, my parents are very laid-back, my mom's only request was that I not run off to get married, which is fine with me!

[Barbara]

It may depend a little on when you marry (if you marry). When I married first time I was 21 and my dad somehow expected that my husband-to-be asked him. I was too young to find it as stupid as I would find it now (am I a possession that is given from one man to another? ) so we sort of did it. The second time I married I was 42 and nobody asked for nothing

[Palomino21]

My husband and I got married without asking for permission. My husband is from India and I know from him that it is normal in India and in other cultures for the men to ask the girl's parents for marriage. In India though, alot of marriages are arranged. That doesn't mean though they have to get married to the parent's choice, but they help choose a mate that will best care for their daughters. I got married when I was 18.

Annie

[Tonya]

I can say one thing...it's better to get those requests squared away now then in the midst of all the wedding planning. The first guy I married was from German Baptist family (those are the "quakers" who wear bonnets and the men wear the beards). I was so stressed out with all these little surprises and requests. I totally didn't feel like it was MY wedding.

[moosmom]

When I was getting married (at the foolish age of 20), my Dad gave me the option of giving me $2,000 cash or (in those days weddings weren't as lavish or expensive as they are now) a big wedding. I took the money!!! Glad I did too. Paid off my car loan (a Volkswagen bug that cost $2400 in those days) bought furniture and put a little bit of it in the bank.

I can't understand WHY people (couples) would spend thousands of dollars for a couple of hours with people, half of them they don't know cuz they're friends or business associates of their parents!!! Elope and put a down payment on a house, that's what I say.

Kater,

Maybe your Dad was kind of sitting there thinking of the future and decided he needed to talk to you about it. Parents are funny that way. He obviously loves you very much and only wants what's best for you. So, even if you thought it was amusing at the time, stand in his shoes for a minute and you might understand.

[Cataholic]

Kate, the FUNNIEST thing is that when I read this the first time, I thought you meant your dad had had requests from eligible men, requesting your hand in marriage. I was STUNNED! I thought, "I didn't know Kate was from this type of background???" You seemed so open to the idea, yet I know you are pretty progressive, and arranged marriages are not exactly 'progressive'.

Then, I read people's replys to your post, and was like, "Isn't ANYONE going to comment on this"?

I read it again....and again...and said, "Ah...finally I see". Those request seem pretty reasonable to me.

[GraciesMommy]

I think that is pretty sweet of your dad..I would have given anything for my dad to have even wanted a heart to heart with me..about ANYTHING! Be thankful you have such a caring father...you are blessed beyond measure

[Miranda_Rae]

My dad wants my future husband to ask him for my "hand in marriage" so to speak. I think in my case its a blessing thing, like we would have his blessing or whatnot, and I think its also a respect thing. I don't mind, because I think it s kind of cute.

[christa]

That's wierd . . . jumping the gun maybe?

My husband asked my parents before he asked me . . . I didn't have to tell him to . . . I actually didn't even expect that he would. Total surprise to me! I think *most* guys know that it's polite to ask the parents.

[Samantha Puppy]

My then-boyfriend went on his own to talk with my parents prior to proposing to me. He didn't "ask" for their permission but from what I heard after the fact, they had a good long talk about marriage and whatnot. He showed them the ring he'd designed and purchased for me and the following weekend I was wearing it! I like that he wanted to first speak with my parents before proposing to me. I hope that my future daughters' boyfriends do the same.

[Karen]

My mother's only request was that she be given three months warning for any wedding.

Paul did ask my parents for permission, but it was just a formality, and not something they required. They liked him anyway. AND they knew the daughter they had raised me to be, and so even if they unexplicably said "No," it wouldn't have matterd one bit!

[ramanth]

I think Andy was going to ask my parents first, just to let them know he loved me a great deal and wanted to be in my life.

Then Niagara Falls happened.

When I called my mom the day after with the news, she asked me if I wanted to tell Dad or if she could. I told her she could.

My dad's response? "Why are we finding this stuff out by phone!?!?"

*laughs*

I think the requests are reasonable.

[Edwina's Secretary]

I was 40 something when I married. My father and I have always had a different relationship in that he respects me greatly (and I him) but he thinks I am....difficult (and I him.... )

On my wedding day my father said to Don..."Better you than me buddy!"

If Don had asked for my hand my father probably would have suggested he take the rest of me too....PLEASE!

[robinh]

My son asked his then girl-friend's (now wife) father for her hand. He had told us he was going to propose and wanted to talk to her dad first. I thought it was very thoughtful to involve both families in their happiness.

I guess all that talking I did about manners and being respectful when he was younger did sink in.