The Years Best (actual) Headlines of 2004
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>
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>Something Went Wrong
>in Jet Crash, Expert Says
>[no, really?]
>
>
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>Police Begin Campaign
> to Run Down Jaywalkers
> [now that's taking things a bit far!]
>
>
>
>Panda Mating Fails;
>Veterinarian Takes Over
>[what a guy!]
>
>
>
>Miners Refuse to Work
>after Death
> [no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]
>
>
>Juvenile Court to
>Try Shooting Defendant
>[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]
>
>
>
>War Dims Hope
>for Peace
>[I can see where it might have that effect!]
>
>
>
>If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
>[you think?!]
>
>
>Cold Wave Linked
>to Temperatures
> [who would have thought!]
>
>
>Enfield (London) Couple
>Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
> [they may be on to something!]
>
>
>Red Tape Holds
>Up New Bridges
>[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]
>
>
>
>Man Struck By Lightning
>Faces Battery Charge
>[he probably IS the battery charge!]
>
>
>New Study of Obesity
>Looks for Larger Test Group
>[weren't they fat enough?!]
>
>
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>Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
> [That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
>
>
>
>Kids Make Nutritious
>Snacks
> [Taste like chicken?]
>
>
>
>Local High School
>Dropouts Cut in Half
>Massacre all over again!]
>
>
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>Hospitals are Sued
>by 7 Foot Doctors
> [Boy, are they tall!]
>
>
>
>And the winner is....
>
>
>Typhoon Rips Through
>Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
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