joke thread

[anna_66]

ROFLMAO

[Tanya&Fritz]

Here's a really stupid question, but what does ROFLMAO mean???

[gini]

That isn't a stupid question, I had to ask too.........

"rolling on the floor, laughing my a__ off!"

Rascal told me what it meant!

[AmberLee]

IRISH POTATOES

An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work.
His only son, who would have helped him, was in Long Kesh Prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.


Shortly after sending the letter, the father received this reply, "For HEAVEN'S SAKE Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the GUNS!"


At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up with shovels and dug up the entire garden. They found no munitions.


Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened.

His son's reply was: "Best I could do from here. Now plant your potatoes."

[krazyaboutkatz]

They were all so funny.

[anna_66]

The Old Man and the Sea
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns to tell their adventures on the seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, hook, and an eye patch. Curious, the seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off".
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about the hook"?
"Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand clean off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye", replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked.
"Well..." said the pirate, "That was my first day with the hook."

[krazyaboutkatz]

• A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp.
• She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo and behold a Genie appeared.
• The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope...due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So what'll it be?
• The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "Iwant peace in the Middle East.
• See the map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
• The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not that good!
• I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."
• The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well I've never been able to find the right man.
• You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the house cleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful.
• That's what I wish for-a good mate."
• The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that f*ckin' map."

[ellensy]

Funny!!

[gini]

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room- service at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review.

Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Guest: (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room service"

RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
G: "uh, yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"

RS: "Ow July den?"
G: "What?"

RS: "Ow July den? pry, boy, pooch?"
G: "oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."

RS: "Ow July dee baychem..crease?"
G" Crisp will be fine."

RS:"Hokay. An San tos?"
G: "What?"

RS: "San tos. July San tos?"
G: "I don't think so"

RS: "No? Judo one toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what "judo one toes means."

RS: "Toes! toes! why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?"
G: "English muffin! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, and English muffin will be fine."

RS: "we bother?"
G: "no, just put the bother on the side."

RS: "Wad?"
G: "I mean butter...just put in on the side."

RS: "Copy?"
G: "Sorry?"

RS: "Copy...tea..mill?"
G: "Yes, Coffee please, and that's all."

RS: "One minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache. crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy...rye??"
G: "Whatever you say"

RS: Tendjewberrymud"
G: "you're welcome"

[lynnestankard]

OH ROTFLMAO - THESE JUST GET FUNNIER AND FUNNIER

Lynne

[anna_66]

I just love this one

A missionary met a lion as he was walking from one village to another.
The missionary fell to his knees and buried his face in his hands. Nothing seemed to be happening; the lion was silent. The missionary peeped through his fingers and saw the lion on its knees, its face buried in his paws. The missionary in a trembling voice, “I am praying to be delivered from the jaws of death. But what on earth are you doing?”
The lion growled, “I’m saying grace.”

[krazyaboutkatz]

Great jokes everyone.

[Former User]

10. Neighbors complain about loud music and howling coming from your apartment in the middle of the day.

9. You find mysterious sculpture of a human (who looks strikingly like you) on a leash in your living room.

8. Ice floating in toilet water.

7. Neighborhood cats bring dog treats to your doorstep.

6. Friends swear they've seen your car at the local meat-processing plant.

5. You can never find the leftovers.

4. The remote is covered with slobber, and the TV was left on The Nature Channel.

3. The dog doesn't lick itself anymore... now it's the cat's job.

2. Mensa mailings addressed to "Rover".

1. Your apartment keys no longer work.

[Former User]

In the window of a Swedish furrier:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
Stop: Drive Sideaways.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today - no ice cream.

In a Tokyo bar:
Special coctails for the ladies with the nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

In a Norwegian coctail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

At a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the
guard on duty.

In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.


Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.

In a Tokyo hotel:
Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such
thing is please not to read notis.

In another Japanese hotel room:
Please to bathe inside the tub.

[Sara luvs her Tinky]

LOL LOL LOL LOL EVERYBODY