Women changing their last name to that of their husband after marriage...

[RobiLee]

Originally posted by Cataholic
I considered it, and flatly rejected it. It is an incredibly difficult name to pronounce and spell. He isn't around, and this was ONE of the things we fought about hotly. I wasn't so sure of WHY it was so important to him, in the scheme of things. He argued long and tiringly so about 'pride', 'heritage', 'tradition'. Odd, for many reasons. We weren't married, and I had no intention of marrying him. I wanted Jonah to have my last name. In Ohio, the mommy makes the decision. Thankfully.

I'm glad things worked out for you and I didn't know that mommy had that option in the state of Ohio. Thats pretty cool. I can tell you after having raised my son (he is 21 now) and running him around to all of his different activities and hanging out with the other parents at those activities that it could be kind of confusing if the main parent didn't have the same last name. It is usually the mommy who is with the child and I can't tell you how many times the mom would explain why her last name was different and that she was little Billy's mother. There was one sports mom who had divorced and remarried and then divorced again and she took back her first ex's name so that it would be the same as her childerns. She said it was so much easier for her kids and her to have the same last name. I thought it was great that she realized that and cared more about her kids then the name.

[slleipnir]

I don't know. I personally don't think I would care either way. To me, it's just a name..but then again I don't/haven't really thought of marriage at all and doubt I will for quite a while I'm sure I would change my name though...but, you never know.

[Edwina's Secretary]

One thing I don't understand is so many women (here and outside PetTalk) say they want to keep their own "family" names. Well, isn't your family name actually your Dad's family name? Where does your Mom's family come into play

Keeping my birth name had nothing to do with my father... it had to do with ME.

Shortly after we were married we visited an accountant to discuss some financial matters. I had an account that wasn't wisely invested. We discussed alternative investments and selected one. He completed the paperwork and passed it to me to sign. As I was about to sign he told me to sign on the next line instead. The reason why? I would be co-tenant...the account... MY ACCOUNT... would be in my husband's name. We did not open the account.

On the way home I asked my husband if he now understood WHY I did not change my name. I am willing to share all that I own with him but I am NOT willing to become invisible...merely an extension of him.

Plus... I like being able to say that both my names are four letter words....

[RICHARD]

Originally posted by Edwina's Secretary
I am willing to share all that I own with him but I am NOT willing to become invisible...merely an extension of him.

It works out fine between Wonder Woman and her airplane.

[Twisterdog]

I really could care less. It's not a big deal to me. If I were to marry someone to whom it was very important that I take his last name, I would ... unless it was something horrible. I have two friends who married brothers. The brothers' last name is Barney. Neither of my friends took that last name, they both said they just couldn't deal with it. LOL

It's just a name. It's not who I am.

[K9soul]

Originally posted by Edwina's Secretary
I am willing to share all that I own with him but I am NOT willing to become invisible...merely an extension of him.

I'm just curious, and this is not meant angrily or asked in a sour manner, but is that how you see those of us who take our husband's name or just how you would feel personally?

I've never thought about all this very much but have more since it was brought up. I think it would be harder now for me to 'change identities.' I wasn't very happy as a child and my last name was twisted around and used to torment me in school. I've never had that association with my name now and I feel more attached to it, and I think it would be much tougher to change again now.

[Edwina's Secretary]

It is just how I feel personally. And, I was in my 40's before I married....

However, you should make sure, if you do change your name, you retain credit. I've seen too many widows who encounter significant problems because everything was in the husband's name and consequently, they must reestablish credit in their own name.

[wolflady]

Interesting question and interesting points of view from those who opted not to take the last name.
My sister retained her last name when she married, because she has worked so hard to get a phd, that she wanted to keep her maiden name with it.
I, on the other hand, have always belived that when you marry, you make your own family unit, so having the same last name makes it so....for me. My parents didn't have different last names, and I probably would have felt wierd if they did. Whose last name would I have taken? I would have been torn...why did I get the certain last name and not the other? Are my parents really married? These are all things I probably would have wondered about growing up.
I was a little torn about giving up my last name, because you don't hear it very often...and my family is small and there are only a couple of boys (my 2 cousins) to carry on the family name. But, I did want my own family unit, so I took my husband's last name. However, I did hyphen my last name into my middle name, so if you look on my social security card, I have my full first name, middle name-maiden last name, married last name.
Does that makes sense?
**hugs**
Karen

[K9soul]

Originally posted by Edwina's Secretary
However, you should make sure, if you do change your name, you retain credit. I've seen too many widows who encounter significant problems because everything was in the husband's name and consequently, they must reestablish credit in their own name.

That is a good point, probably not something a lot of people really think about until it comes about. And if something happened to David (God forbid), I definitely think I'd be less willing to change my name from what it is now. Also if I had carried my maiden name until 30 or 40, I might have felt differently about changing it.

[RICHARD]

Here's a question.

Why is identity so closely tied to what your name is?


A rose by any other name still smells just as sweet?

Or does the smell change when the name does?

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

Originally posted by RICHARD
Here's a question.

Why is identity so closely tied to what your name is?


A rose by any other name still smells just as sweet?

Or does the smell change when the name does?

Yes....but "things" are implied with names. As an example, if a rose was actually called "Stinkweed" people might not think it smells so sweet. They would have a preconceived notion of what to expect when they encountered the smell, already putting negative conotations on it before determining for themselves whether they think the smell is sweet or stinky.

[K9soul]

I think names tend to just become a part of who we are and how we think of ourselves. Think of your first name for instance, though some I'm sure would happily change their first name, it still becomes a part of that person. When we meet a new person or even a new pet, the first things we take in are their appearance and their name. I think it is a natural identification process going on there. Later as we get to know them better, we start associating their personality with their name. I think that is why sometimes people will develop a dislike to a certain name too, if you grew up or spent a lot of time around someone who's personality was cruel and mean, and you didn't know anyone else by that name, I'd be willing to bet you'd carry some association with the name. How many parents would want their child's name to be Hitler? You see where I'm coming from a bit here? It's hard to put into words.

I know with my dogs, when I hear or say their names, they aren't just a name, I have emotions and feelings that are elicited by seeing and hearing their names, associations.

Perhaps if we got up from day to day and said "I'm going to be Amy today" or "I'll be Shirley this week," names wouldn't have such a sense of identity, but it is the very first way we identify ourselves to the world whether it be greeting someone informally or putting it on legal documents. I think after awhile, it just becomes a part of who we are.

I do think in some cultures and in the past, names had more actual meaning, even surnames. Someone who's family livelihood was tailoring might be the Weaver family and so on. A house name from medieval Europe was a complete definition of that person's place in society. I do think last names definitely have less definition to them now than they did at one time.

[RICHARD]

Originally posted by Tubby & Peanut's Mom
Yes....but "things" are implied with names. As an example, if a rose was actually called "Stinkweed" people might not think it smells so sweet. They would have a preconceived notion of what to expect when they encountered the smell, already putting negative conotations on it before determining for themselves whether they think the smell is sweet or stinky.

Deoderant???

Don't go all philosophical on me.....I don't multi-task very well.

Garlic is called the "stinking rose", but some people LOVE the smell, other do not...

What happened before things had a name???

What did the cavemen do?


K9,
But, does a name change really tweak your essence? Who YOU believe you are???

If you want to be Shirley or Amy for the week, you still go back to being who you were when you started!

You were --------- before you became Shirley or Amy.

It doesn't change the starting point. Your name may change later on, but does a name change who you are physically of mentally?

[K9soul]

Originally posted by RICHARD
K9,
But, does a name change really tweak your essence? Who YOU believe you are???

If you want to be Shirley or Amy for the week, you still go back to being who you were when you started!

You were --------- before you became Shirley or Amy.

It doesn't change the starting point. Your name may change later on, but does a name change who you are physically of mentally?

In theory of course it shouldn't, but would I feel different if suddenly tomorrow I became Gertrude? I think it would have an emotional impact, a sense of losing something that was mine, a part of who I was. Now I didn't really feel that way when I changed my surname to my husband's, but also the reason I was open to the change was because I wanted the identity of being family and having the same last name. Logically it doesn't make a lot of sense that you'd feel or be any different no matter if you changed your name every day, but I guess it is one of those things that is hard to explain the why of. Definitely for me, a first name has more identity tied into it than a last name, a first name is the word for who you are, a last name is who your family is, sometimes also identifying your culture as well, i.e. if it is a Spanish or Chinese last name.

I think it was Val who started a thread in General once asking if people felt their name affected who they became and how happy they were in life. It was an interesting conversation and some people seemed to feel that if they had been named differently they might have turned out differently. I suppose in the end it all comes down to how much of an identity it is to each individual person.

Many animals identify each other by their scent or sound. I suppose with people we have lost a lot of our senses over the eons and use written and spoken language to identify each other. It is interesting to think about and consider, but my brain is going on vacation about this time so I can't get any deeper into the psyche of it than this

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

Originally posted by RICHARD
What did the cavemen do?

Grunt and pull the girl around by the hair?