The most disgusting thing

[luckies4me]

Oh what a sad thread. I find it very disheartening that someone could think my child, just because he is a kid, is discusting and that they would hate him. HATE is a harsh word. I worked hard for my child, and believe labor isn't all that fun either. He is a very nice boy and to think that someone would not give him the chance to get to know him and automatically hate him just because he is a little kid makes me want to cry. That is just so sad.


Some people just do not understand that at some ages, for instance age two, children behave a certain way. It is all a matter of growing up and learning. They don't know better, they have to be taught. Until then it is just unfair to judge a child that doesn't know any better. My son has temper tantrums because that is the only way he can communicate, he can't talk yet, so he has to show me somehow. I just say that to all you who don't want children and I respect your choice, that's a great thing, because you most likely wouldn't make a good parent.


I truly hope that my child grows up to be a good boy, and for now what I am doing seems to be working. I love my boy sooooo much!!!!

[Tonya]

Well said, Luckies4Me. Much love to ya!

[popcornbird]

Originally posted by luckies4me
Oh what a sad thread. I find it very disheartening that someone could think my child, just because he is a kid, is discusting and that they would hate him. HATE is a harsh word. I worked hard for my child, and believe labor isn't all that fun either. He is a very nice boy and to think that someone would not give him the chance to get to know him and automatically hate him just because he is a little kid makes me want to cry. That is just so sad.


Some people just do not understand that at some ages, for instance age two, children behave a certain way. It is all a matter of growing up and learning. They don't know better, they have to be taught. Until then it is just unfair to judge a child that doesn't know any better. My son has temper tantrums because that is the only way he can communicate, he can't talk yet, so he has to show me somehow. I just say that to all you who don't want children and I respect your choice, that's a great thing, because you most likely wouldn't make a good parent.


I truly hope that my child grows up to be a good boy, and for now what I am doing seems to be working. I love my boy sooooo much!!!!

Well said. I'm sure your little Dylan is a real darling baby boy. He's so cute!

[Denyce]

I don't hate all children. I dislike children that are abusive to me. And yes I am using the word abusive. When your child is screaming, throwing things, kicking the back of my chair or hurting my ears or body in any way that is abusive. I should not in any way what so ever have to put up with that kind of behavior. It is the parents responsibility at that point to remove the child from the restaurant, movie theater or where ever the child is misbehaving and not subject the rest of us to that. That is what a parent is suppose to do. This attitude of "He/she is JUST A CHILD and that we should have to tolerate it is nonsense. It didn't happen in my generation or in the generations of parents before me. Yet these days it seems to be the norm. That parents too often don't take their kid out of the restaurant when they won't sit still or stop screaming or throwing things. They just IGNORE the child. That is not right. Why should my stomach be upset and tied up in knots and my dinner ruined. I didn't have the kid and I choose not to have kids because I don't want my life disrupted in that manner.

Now luckiesforme I don't know you or your child so I don't know how you deal with him in these circumstances and I would not say I hate your child without knowing you. I would never do that. It isn't fair. I am only speaking of what I have dealt with first hand. My previous paragraph in no way speaks to someone I haven't dealt with personally. If I met your child and he/she was polite and well mannered with a ready smile I am sure I would find him adorable.

My opinion is that parents need to concentrate more on being parents again and raising their children. Getting to be your childs friend doesn't happen till they are already adults. You can't be their friend when you are still teaching them to be responsible, contributing members of society. If you want people to like your child then you have to raise a respectful, likable, pleasent child. It is really as simple as all that.

Denyce

[ILoveReptiles]

Very well said Denyce! And a very good reference to abusive children. I couldn't have said it better myself.

That being said, the only thing I can think of that I dislike more than abusive children, is the parents who automatically assume that everyone will love their child, and insist that it's their right to subject everyone around them to their child's rotten behavior. The entitlement mindset really gets under my skin, and is quick to anger me greatly.

I too do not like to have my dinner out disrupted by a screaming child that sends my stomach into knots. Nor do I want a movie I go to see disrupted by a child that starts screeching right in the middle of the film. Nevermind that the film is not APPROPRIATE for such a young child... (I've seen parents dumb enough to bring a 3 year old to see Terminator 3!!! Talk about giving the kid NIGHTMARES!!!)

While the screeching and wailing of an ill behaved child irritates me, I can't say that I hate ALL children either - the rare cases where I see a well behaved child, I will actually make it a point to commend the parent for their excellent job in raising that child. But when they're screaming and throwing a temper tantrum, I just want to run the other way.

[shais_mom]

Originally posted by ILoveReptiles
I too do not like to have my dinner out disrupted by a screaming child that sends my stomach into knots. Nor do I want a movie I go to see disrupted by a child that starts screeching right in the middle of the film. Nevermind that the film is not APPROPRIATE for such a young child... (I've seen parents dumb enough to bring a 3 year old to see Terminator 3!!! Talk about giving the kid NIGHTMARES!!!)

I saw kids at BASIC INSTINCT when I went to see it when I was in High School. My mom found out I saw it and was Pi$$ed!!! And I was 17!!

[Tina]

Originally posted by luckies4me
Oh what a sad thread. I find it very disheartening that someone could think my child, just because he is a kid, is discusting and that they would hate him. HATE is a harsh word. I worked hard for my child, and believe labor isn't all that fun either. He is a very nice boy and to think that someone would not give him the chance to get to know him and automatically hate him just because he is a little kid makes me want to cry. That is just so sad.


Some people just do not understand that at some ages, for instance age two, children behave a certain way. It is all a matter of growing up and learning. They don't know better, they have to be taught. Until then it is just unfair to judge a child that doesn't know any better. My son has temper tantrums because that is the only way he can communicate, he can't talk yet, so he has to show me somehow. I just say that to all you who don't want children and I respect your choice, that's a great thing, because you most likely wouldn't make a good parent.


I truly hope that my child grows up to be a good boy, and for now what I am doing seems to be working. I love my boy sooooo much!!!!

Thankyou luckies I agree with you

[cloverfdx]

great thred hey could i get the URL for NK also

i am going to be totally honest here
i CANNOT tolerate children, and have no desire what so ever to bring one into this crazy $%^#@# up world.

i also get the talks about "oh one day you will change your mind" but NOT from my mother ~cheers~ after about 5 years of getting those talks my mum has given up, and now says when people ask if she is a grandmother "yes i am , my grand daughter has beautiful red hair oh and 4 legs" ~chuckles~


lmao, i also get the "when are you going to get married" talk
my reply "dont think it legal yet" lmao

[Airedalekisses]

I don't know-maybe because I'm over 50-but when I was a child-you didn't have temper tantrums-communication-puleeze! Whatever happened to asking nicely and if the child can't talk what ever happened to pointing and shaking one's head yes or no? Maybe I'm too much of disciplinarian;but a child shouldn't have tantrums in the first place-a bit of value teaching might just be in order!! And don't get mad at me if your child is screaming and I walk away or complain to a store manager-I have a right to be in this world, too. If parents are sooo child obsessed maybe they should teach them to be a little better behaved. To be loved be lovable! No one loves a screamer-ask anyone!!Yes, the scream only a mother could love!!

[2kitties]

Oh, I could go on for days about this!

I don't have children, I am almost 28 years old. I will not be having children any time soon. I may never have them.
I think what is important is that people have children when they want them and are ready for them. If I ever feel the "maternal urge" and my finances, relationships, home, etc are in order, then okay. But if that day never comes, then I will be just fine with it.

I, too, HATE it when people say things about my age and getting older. I mean, no matter what, I wouldn't want to think about having kids in my 20's. No way. I enjoy waking up on Friday and deciding where to go to dinner, or if I want to catch a play or drive to the water or catch a plane to Vegas. I like grown up vacations and grown up restaurants and a Cranberry Martini or two. So, I'm not ready to share my life with a child. I woudln't be a good mother at this point.

Why can't people realize that having a baby at a time when you will be a bad parent is completely selfish. Just because I'm almost 30, there are people who believe I shoudl run out and procreate no matter what. That's disgusting if you ask me.

So I may never have children. I may have them later. I'm okay with it either way.

I also know people who clearly can't afford children, have rocky relationships, etc. and they still keep popping them out for their "loving family." Whatever.

If I have children, I want to be in a position to never HAVE to say no to them. I will say no to them because I CHOOSE to.

I respect families and children, as well as the desire to have children. What I do not respect are undisciplined children and parents who do not respect the necessity of family plannign when it is appropriate.

There are millions of people out there who desperatly want children and can't have them. They are on adoption waitlists years long. They can provide wonderful, loving homes. And teenagers are out there keeping babies and having more to get the food stamps.

Sorry if that makes me evil, but I just don't understand that.

[luckies4me]

Originally posted by Denyce

Now luckiesforme I don't know you or your child so I don't know how you deal with him in these circumstances and I would not say I hate your child without knowing you. I would never do that. It isn't fair. I am only speaking of what I have dealt with first hand. My previous paragraph in no way speaks to someone I haven't dealt with personally. If I met your child and he/she was polite and well mannered with a ready smile I am sure I would find him adorable.
Denyce

I don't have to deal with him in those circumstances because I am never in them. I would never take a little kid to the movies, that is just rude, nor do we take him out to eat to us unless it's somewhere like Taco Bell, or what not. I like to enjoy my dinner, and it's not fun when your son is throwing his bottle on the floor over and over again just to watch it drop...

But if I do decide to take him to the mall and he gets up and runs around, I let him. I let him explore, as long as he's not acting like a lunatic on the loose. I am not one to not allow him his freedom, to walk around if he so pleases if he is being a good boy because I think that is very sad, and I hate seeing mothers do that. Sometimes a kid will simply ask for something and the mother will snap and smack the child and it makes me sick. I hate people like that. It makes me sad for children who grow up that way, their parents need help. I am a firm believer in discipline, if my boy acts up and knows he should not do a certain thing, he is punished, by either being removed from the area or at home he goes for time out in his crib.

I keep hearing people without kids saying well we have rights and blah blah blah, well we are parents have rights too, and if we want to take our children somewhere and you don't like that they are making noise, LEAVE! Or ignore them, which is sometimes the best thing. Dylan rarely has temper tantrums because I IGNORE him, meaning he gets no satisfaction out of it. I know a lot about raising children, the right way. I have a Healthy Start lady over every week who goes over milestones in child developement etc. She explains to me that having temper tantrums are normal and teaches self control and good discipline, not hitting.

As long as I am comfortable in my parenting method I could care less what anybody else thinks.

[ILoveReptiles]

Originally posted by luckies4me
I keep hearing people without kids saying well we have rights and blah blah blah, well we are parents have rights too, and if we want to take our children somewhere and you don't like that they are making noise, LEAVE! Or ignore them, which is sometimes the best thing.
As long as I am comfortable in my parenting method I could care less what anybody else thinks.

Or maybe parents who are in a situation like this should have the common courtesy to recognize that in a public situation, say a MALL... it's not very realistic to expect ALL of the other patrons in the mall to either put up with the screeching or leave.

A nicer/more responsible thing to do as a parent would be to pack up your belongings and leave, then save the trip for another day.

I know that when I acted up as a child, my parents would stop what they were doing, leave, and come back later perhaps when they had found a BABY SITTER for me.

[luckies4me]

Originally posted by ILoveReptiles
Or maybe parents who are in a situation like this should have the common courtesy to recognize that in a public situation, say a MALL... it's not very realistic to expect ALL of the other patrons in the mall to either put up with the screeching or leave.

A nicer/more responsible thing to do as a parent would be to pack up your belongings and leave, then save the trip for another day.

I know that when I acted up as a child, my parents would stop what they were doing, leave, and come back later perhaps when they had found a BABY SITTER for me.

You obviously did not understand anything I said. Did I say my son would be screeaching? NO I did not, if he is simply just making a little noise, then oh well, they can put up with it or leave. If my son was screaming I wouldn't have him there, period. I wouldn't want to deal with it and neither would anyone else, but esepcially ME! I wouldn't take a screaming child anywhere, it's not something I want to deal with. If my son decides to act that way he can go home, I won't deal with it.

[Airedalekisses]

Oh we understood everything you said Luckie-and I agree children shouldn't be slapped;but come on a "time out" and tantrums help in development-yeah development of a rebellious teenager and a probably nasty adult. You know we who posted on this thread are not some monsters who wish every child had never been born-we're just asking for a bit of consideration and understanding-I know you're probably ticked at those of us who say we have rights, too. Well of the children I have seen-if they are our future-I pity the future!!

[luckies4me]

Something worth reading.....


A study showed that parents usually control and guide toddlers in one of two ways:

1. Power Control- includes spanking, using force and taking away things or favors. It also includes not hugging, kissing or talking to the child.

2. Reasoning control- means telling the child WHY she should act a certain way, in simple words that she can understand. Reasoning means pointing out that the behavior could hurt her or others.

For example, if your child throws sand, power control might be yelling, or hitting her. Reasoning might be telling her that throwing sand could hurt other children by getting sand in their eyes, or in her own, and she must stop.


Reasoning works better! The study showed that parents who used reasoning were better able to control their children's behavior and teach them to cooperate.



In my opinion it doesn't do any good to tell a screaming child to stop screaming, by yelling at them. You can teach them that yelling is not appropriate, and explain to them why. This is what I do and so far it's working great. My son is very well behaved, I don't know if I just got lucky or what, but I know I WAS NOT that way growing up, but I was also raised differently. I was not disciplined lovingly, it was with a whip and leash so to speak. I for one will not raise my child that way, and I know it's the right way for me, because it's working and I could not have asked for a better child.


Now you all have me thinking what exactly do you consider a temper tantrum? I may be a little overboard, but I think just crying and carrying on is one, Dylan never throws himself to the floor and kicks, although my younger sister used to do that...drove me crazy BTW. If it's kicking and crying and acting like a deranged person than I can honestly say that Dylan has not had one. If that is what you guy's have experienced than I feel for you because it drives me insane! I hate seeing kids that way, grrr. I just think I was blessed.


But not all the things children do are a direct cause from parents, like my younger brother for instance. Talk about a hell child!!! But he had ADD and with Hyperactivity which makes it worse! Finally after a gazillion years we went to a ADD meeting, (funny all the other people there were also shaking their feet, if you have ADD you know what I am talking about) my mom put him on meds and he got the help he needed. Now you would never have guessed, he's a straight A student, so focused and a nice young man.


Believe me, there are parents out there who try and try but the children need more help then the parents can give. Some kids are just plain rotten.


Here is something that helped me with Dylan though:

Guidelines and Discipline: Rules

Sometimes between 15 and 24 months, toddlers may become resistant and defiant. You will probably hear them say "no" a lot. Toddler want to test their independence and pwer, and show you how important they are. They may do this by saying "No!" This is a sign they are growing up. Be patient.

Making rules
Early on, you need to choose some simple rules- a few, not too many. Make rules your toddler can understand and follow. Most important, make rules that you can enforce all the time.

Rules like these help your toddler learn that he can and should follow rules- even if he really doesn't like them. He needs to know this to grow into a respsonsible adult.

Be consistent ( I cannot stress this enough!!!!) If you have a tule against candy before dinner, try to enforce this everyday. Otherwise, you teach your toddler that rules don't matter, or that they can be easily broken.

Use reasoning

Explain in simple words WHY you have the rule. Say something like. "Hole my hand when we cross the street so I can keep you safe". This helps your toddler learn that rules have a purpose. Studies show that children follow rules better when they are given reasons. Understanding the reason helps toddlers remember the rule.


I also want to add that other members of the family need to enforce these rules as well. If they are not allowed to do something at home, the same should apply when at the sitters etc.