When family attacks/elder care and sibs rant.

[RICHARD]

I have a dream about my Mom every single morning right before I wake up. The dream is always different but she's there and sometimes I acknowledge that she's been gone for four years and sometimes it's like she's never been gone. This has been happening for the past few weeks. Maybe she's reminding me to keep going. I hadn't thought of it like that. Thanks.

How can your mom ever leave if you have her in your heart?

[CountryWolf07]

Wow, I can only pray for you, Richard, I know, things will work out in the end, as it always does in life.

Now this has gotten me a little bit concerned about my relationship with my two brothers. I'm the oldest. Right now, we are not exactly close. It sucks, and I try to work so hard, but I just haven't seen it improve since I started college. Isn't it funny? I always thought as you get older, you get into better relations with your siblings.

[RICHARD]

Wow, I can only pray for you, Richard, I know, things will work out in the end, as it always does in life.

Now this has gotten me a little bit concerned about my relationship with my two brothers. I'm the oldest. Right now, we are not exactly close. It sucks, and I try to work so hard, but I just haven't seen it improve since I started college. Isn't it funny? I always thought as you get older, you get into better relations with your siblings.

THe best advice is to keep a general relationship with them. Make the effort to drop a call or two, note, email, Christmas card. At the least you will be able to say that you tried.

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The hardest part of my relationships with my sibs is that they are all drama queens and kings.

They cannot have a conversation without listening, the first word out of their mouths is "NOOOOO!" And then they stomp off like idiots.

That's a typical reaction to the truth- they become indignant when faced with the truth.

In the end it doesn't matter. It's what you have prepared for.

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I was the only person who tried to float between all of them. I had to bite my lip when I deal with them to keep the other sibs happy, "Why are you talking to them?". Too much BS from each of their petty dinosaur sized brains.


UGH.....I have a rant at the moment and have to wait unitl I post it.

Thanks for the thoughts and prayers.

P.S. I don't know how it works, but if you have a say, don't get 'borned' into a large family!

[joycenalex]

richard, i sent your mom another card this morning. how are you doing?

[RICHARD]

richard, i sent your mom another card this morning. how are you doing?

Really well! Thank you.

THere have been a few more 'things' to that I have to deal with, But, you know, with PT friends?

I CAN RULE THE WORLD!

Mom is going to get more chemo on Monday so, I am looking up and out!

THanks again for you concern, prayers and thoughts.

Dang, I know some really good people!

[jazzcat]

I'll be thinking about her Monday and keeping her in my prayers.

Glad to hear you are doing well too!

[king2005]

I don't know how you can do it!

When my mom was doing a lot of BS & bad things to me.. I took it for many years, but one day I had enough & she hasn't seen or heard from me since (2003). I live in a city that she can never visit & never find me. Only 2 family members have my address & 3 have my phone #. If anyone wants to contact me or send me something, they have to go through my sister. They can try to look up my government information, but it all points to my sisters house.. No bills in my name are linked to where I live. They all point 300km away, so I'm quite safe.

My sister doesn't know my reasons, but she respects them, as she sees me as a much happier person without mom, & I don't rant on how much I hate it... I rarely ever mention her. Most people assume shes dead as I only talk about my dad & sister.

Dad calls me nearly everyday, & far too often he calls me many many many times a day... But I love him

My mom is ill & dying or something (don't care). She tried to bribe me to visit with money. I said no. I might be homeless (last summer), poor, & worse, but I don't need her. & I told my sister to stop passing me that sort of news. talk about other things

One thing I've learned, is that sometimes I have to come first.

[RICHARD]

I don't know how you can do it!

Gayle Sayers wrote a book about his life and the name of it was "I am Third"

THat came from a sign on a coaches desk, "Family is first, God Is Second and I am Third". Some time you have to rearrange a priority to get things in life straight.


The way I do it? Hanging Tough and not letting anyone bulldoze me anymore.

I used to be a 'whatever' kind of person, not any more. I have found that people are stupid and cruel0it's up to me, and yourself, to rise above the BS and live, If you have no regrets or things weighing you down from the past, you can sleep relatively peacefully.

Best wishes to you!

---

Here's my next problem. I have had a falling out with my next in line brother and his wife.

It seems like they both have started to collect the rental money from my mom's other property in cash. That money we had all agreed upon as money to be used to feed the house and keep it running.

I asked them to help me run the finances for my mom while I took care of the insurance issues. MY MISTAKE! Before my mom let them collect and write the receipts for the rent- now the think that they will get that property because they do that. I warned my mother about it before because in the few months as my mom was getting sicker by the day, they would show up with the 3/4ths of the rent money with a story that the renter's paid in cash and would "get ther rest of the rent later on". I think that they were keeping the rest by telling my mom they needed money to get by!

They were to pay the water, gas and other bills from that money. I opened up the gas and water bills and found the gas was not paid and the Water and Power bill is ASTRONOMICAL because she kept 90 dollars from the previous bills and my brother's dogs kept the meter reader from reading the meter for three months.

I took 150 dollars from them for groceries and after I went over what rest of the money was to be used for, there was 150 left.

I asked my SIL for the 150 and she said that she spent it on an 'emergency room visit' for my brother. She had set that up very nicely saying that she needed 50 dollars to pay for it before it even happened. The both left on a saturday afternoon and didn't come back from the ER until almost midnite, That was the same weekend the county fair opened. When I asked her for the change she flew into a rage and came to my house and told me to "Never ask her for money again!" She was also ticked off that I laughed at her 50 dollar charge for the ER, I worked for the health plan and told her that she was crapped if that was the charge for a visit. I knew I worked there.

I laughed at her and told her to get out of my face.

None of the bills were paid for the past month and she told me and my other brother that I said I was going to pay for the bills!

She fabricated her side of the story and I was furious- She also said that my mom had told her to use the money for herself. I really want to tell her to eff off because I wanted all my mom's stuff and papers she was given and took., My brother flew into a rage and said that I wasn't going to get anything. They also have my mom's jewelry from her visit to the ER. THat biatch had the nerve to say that she wasn't going to go against her husband.

MY parents didn't work to support her or my brother, money was always used to keep the houses running and I really resent the fact that they have become the AHs they are.


I did go to the rental property and told them that they are not to pay my brother or SIL and the rent should come in a check or money order with my mom's name in it. I have this sick sense of anticipation for the day when they both go collect the rent and the woman tells them that they cannpt have it.

I am going back to tell the renters not to cave in to any BS that they both tell them and to reinforce the NO CASH rules. I know my brother is going to hit the moon and I really don't care. My SIL has shown her true colors and it's all for them or nothing at all!

Sweet Jeezuz - I have been so mad about this I cannot even tell you. Not so mad about it that I am losing sleep over it, but I am looking forward to her anticipating the cash and not getting jack squat.My brother is the kind of person that gets sick to his stomach when he gets stresses out and he starts to puke all over the place. I thought about him getting sick over this and decicded, "EFF IT!" he don't give a crap about my mom's house so why should I care about his health. I do care for him, but if he is going to side with her, so be it.


I should have known about that because we had a conversation about the properties and what would happen to them when mom passes.

I told them that since it would fall to me, as the oldest and seeing my older sis, "Didn't want anything from mom" that I was gong to make out a will and them put the rest of my Bros and Sister in it so the house could stay as a place where, if needed, is there to help everyone out. My SIL sat there and said, "What about me?" and gave a shameless smile.......

I knew then that something evil was afoot!

My mom once told me that she only did stuff for my bro, "M" because he is her son..that was pretty telling.

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Anyways,

Pray for me on rent day!

Pray that I don't lose my temper and tell them both what I know and what I think.

[Catsnclay]

I really enjoy your threads Richard!

You make my family look like a bunch of Angels!!! Thank you!






>>>>my update:

I think I like my situation much better than yours........we communicate through our $$$$ attorneys and although it does cost a lot, we don't have the screaming-in-your-face fights like we use to. Now I get to read her side, scream and kick all I want, then my husband settles me down, I repy to Lawyer, and he makes my reply MUCH nicer than I would have ever!! He uses those big words that my sister cannot understand -Yeah, way to go!!!



We have an arbitration meeting on Friday, my father's attorney, my attorney, Tim & me, Sister & her attorney, plus a (paid, naturally) arbitrator will all be sitting down and trying to put this all to an end.

Oh how I wish this will be the end, but something in my heart is telling me that this will drag out - forever......and the sad part - my father is still alive, so if this does get settled, it will start all over again when he passes. So yes, this will never end!

>>>>end of my rant.




Remember Richard........YOU do NOT have to be everyone's keeper. You do what needs to be done by you, and eff them all! Sounds to me they are all still in denial and keep running to you with their problems, just because they know they can dump on you. Time for this to stop!

Good luck!! I know this won't be easy for you. <sorry!>

[jazzcat]

Wow Richard, I can't believe what you are having to deal with. You are making me count my blessings. I only have to deal with a trouble making nutjob sister in law who luckily lives far enough away I don't have to deal with her often.

I hope the renter will stick to her guns and not pay them. A little stomach upset and barfing will do your brother some good, especially if he blows some darling wifey's way.

Hang tough!!

[RICHARD]

Hang tough!!

Will DO!


Last night I went next doot to my mom's house and they had come by to wash his truck and watch some TV. This was the first time I talked to them in almost two weeks.

I told my brother to split and that he had some nerve to show up and sit there. He smarted back for about three minutes and she would not even look at me. LOL-So, I switched on the micrwave, without the benefit of the power strip and it tripped the circuit breakers out door. The lights went out and they split.

God forgive me for being such an arse! NOT!

At the very least, this is showing me how to deal with situations here with people that are being stupid and dense. It may be my Alamo, but I will go down swinging, kicking and biting!

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I have an update on my older sister and just what an AH she is!

I heard this story from my bro and nephew who went to visit Ma while she was there....check this out!

My mom is a sports fan and won't pass up the chance to needle us about our football team-She is a Denver fan and we are Raider fans.

Sis was there and my nephew walked in to tell her that the Radiers had lost. He prefaced it by saying, "Granny, good news and bad news....do you want the bad news first?" Sis flew into a snit and scolded him by saying, "Why are you bringing her bad news?" This from the "woman" who went to mom about her bills while she was in pretty crappy spirits at the time!

MY nephew told Ma that the bad news was our team had lost, Mom loved it and started to laugh. Sis got bent outta shape and when the boys left would not even acknowledge them.

Sheesh.


C and C,

They are putting the distance in because they always thought that I was the one that would fold. Being a hardass isn't fun, but they never cut me any slack when we were growing up, the STOP BUCKS HERE!

I will make it.

It's the poor slobs who aren't mentally tough that will crumble.

Thanks again my friends and really don't judge my family by what I write...

They know not what they do!